hardcore pawnography

i’ve “met” a bunch of freindly, cool folks playing chess on the internet.  most of the people are pretty cool.  but i’ve also met a small city’s worth of complete cocksmokers.   what the fuck is wrong with these people?

first off, i suspect they are 13 years old and get their ass kicked routinely at school, and the only way they can “get back” at the cruel harsh world is to be a dick playing internet chess.  if they grew up to be rapist/murderers, i wouldn’t be surprised.   i can only hope they are not adults.

i understand a lot of chess players are not….socially adept…., perhaps all the studying has left thier brains filled with obscure tactial variations and long lost openings, which left no room for things like “dealing with other people in the real world.”

then you get the kids who berate you while you are playing.  they are playing “the mental game” and “mentaly psyching you out.”  if we were over the board, i would gladly lose a point as he lost a tooth.  but the anonymity of the internet is the only place they can hide.

it’s kind of pathetic.  at the same time, i don’t feel like dealing with them.  i put them on my noplay and censor list.  i enjoy beating them and wishing them a nice day, or sometimes i just lose obviously on purpose, tell them they are too good for me, and move on.

but what the fuck is wrong with them?  it’s a fucking game.  if their whole life and identity revolves around beating someone at a game online, well, i can’t believe they are going to be useful in actual society.  maybe they are, maybe it’sthier hobby.  i just don’t get being mean to someone you don’t know for no apparent reason. 

makes me not want to play internet chess sometimes.

more accurately, i greatly dislike the english.  opening, that is.  the people are pretty cool, they have cool accents, great bands, and i love the dry british wit.  but as far as the opening goes, it is my downfall.  when i see 1. c4, i know i am going to lose.

here is another game where i was spanked like a bad monkey.   granted, the guy was  rated 1929, but that is internet rating, so i don’t put too much behind that.  also, if he truly was 1900, i still don’t care, i have a chance at winning, perhaps he is sick or drunk or not paying any attention or something.  anyway, this is the second time recently i’ve been whipped like butter by someone with a 1900 rating playing the english.  perhaps i should look into the whole english opening…

in truth, i admire it, and the more i see it, the more i think i may want to study it and know it and use it.  i like how it attacks the center from the flank.   thing is, i know what it does, yet i can’t seem to play against it.  therefore, like an elusive woman who scorns me, berates me, and evades me, i love it and want to make it mine.
i really tried to play good moves.  i castled early, not cause i could but cause i wanted to.  i just couldn’t seem to get anything going.  it seems he stood back and waited for me to err and take advantage of my stupidity, of which i gave him ample opportunity.  on moves 9, 12, 15, and 17 i retreated.  on move 21 i gave up a bishop for no reason at all, i don’t know what i was thinking on that.  other than that, i can’t really see where i went wrong.  i can’t see what i could have done better.  it seems any idea or attack i had was dealt with like someone brushing away an annoying fly.   if anyone can tell me where i went wrong and/or what i could have done better, please let me know.   the harsher the critisism, the better.  I play black and eventually see the futility of continuing on and resign, to save both me and him more wasted time.   here is the game:

1. c4 e5 2. Nc3 Nf6 3. g3 c5 4. Bg2 Be7 5. d3 O-O
6. e4 d5 7. exd5 Bg4 8. Nge2 Qd7 9. h3 Bf5 10. g4 Nxg4
11. hxg4 Bxg4 12. f3 Bf5 13. Be3 Qd8 14. Qd2 Bh4+ 15. Bf2 Bg5
16. Qc2 Na6 17. a3 Nc7 18. Bxc5 Re8 19. Bf2 e4 20. dxe4 b5
21. exf5 bxc4 22. Rd1 Be3 23. Bxe3 Rxe3 24. d6 Ne8 25. Kf2 Qb6
26. Nd5 Rc3+ 27. Nxb6 Rxc2 28. Nxa8
1-0

i’m sure it’s not new, but it’s new to me, i read it somewhere on the intarweb and so i felt like a little copy and paste, and here it is….

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” they asked, as they moved off.

“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer!”

Tonight on Anderson Cooper 360, we premier our new segment “Profiles in Awesomeness” with “the Chessloser story.”

Born the only twin to italian immagrants, chess loser started out at a young age.  his father, apparently the man who origianlly coined the phrase “now that’s a spicy meat-a-ball” was an avid chess enthusiast, and chessloser quickly picked up the game. 

in highschool, chessloser was the captain of the chessteam, and had a good future ahead of him when, due to mounting pressures to perform, he was kicked off the team in disgrace when he failed a drug test, testing positive for EPO, blood doping, and other performance enhancing drugs. 

chessloser sunk into dark depths of depression, and, no longer allowed at USCF sanctioned events, turned to chess’s darker side: the underground chess scene.  ending up in a local chess gang, chessloser spent his nights on streetcorners, taunting other gangs with provocative jeers such as “i bet you castle on your queen’s side, you pussy” and “you probably favor the french defense,” which are insults that do not go unignored.  the life was filled with danger, escpecially the ”street chess” games, which were no time limits, no rules, no holds barred, unsanctioned chess.   these brutal chess matches would leave young men battered, bruised, and sometimes even dead.  it was a fast life for a young chessman.  the booze, the girls, the drugs.  “when you’re young,” explained chessloser, sipping an herbal tea during our interview, “you think you are immortal.  you see the power that chess has, the pure adreneline charged, sex filled atmosphere, and you don’t care.  you don’t see the violent end that is just around the corner, you are blind to where your life is going.  you get caugt up in the glitz and glamour and you don’t think it will end.” 

one night, after a particularly violent chess match, a close friend was dragged away, bloody and broken, and died in chessloser’s arms.  “that was a wake up call for me,” chessloser recounts soberly.  “i realized then that was not how i wanted to end up.” 

chessloser turned his life around, left the streets, and started a local program that takes young chessgang members off the streets and gets them back into legitimate chess.  he spends his days playing online chess and blitz games with his freinds at the local coffeeshop.  the girls and booze and wild nights are gone, perhaps life is not as fast and furious as it had been, however, chessloser is calm and happy, and no longer has to worry if he will wake up in a gutter.   “i’m in a better place now, happier, calmer.  i was lucky, my life was saved, and i hope i can save others and give them the chances i’ve had.”

*note:  if it’s not obvious, this is completely made up, not even close to reality.  have a great weekend.

went to chess club last night, i was beaten soundly, as i should have been.  i can make the excuse that i wasn’t feeling good ( i wasn’t) and that my mind wasn’t in it (it wasn’t) but still, my playing just sucks.

sometimes, when i am studying openings or games or reading one chess book or another, i just think “i have as much chance of learning, understanding, and retaining all this as i have of being the first 7 ft tall black japanese woman to visit the moon.   i feel so overwhelmed, and i feel like it’s impossible and i should really stick with first person shooter games like Doom.

last night’s loss didn’t come as a surprise, i expected it, and almost looked forward to it as a lesson.  last night helped point out that i cannot figure out who will come out ahead on a multi piece/square exchange.  it also pointed out that i do not take every possible move, even obvious ones, into account at all.  i see one possible reaction to my move and i can’t begin to fathom my opponent would do anything else.  i get stuck.  and i think “if i know i have these weaknesses, why the hell can’t i not make the mistakes?”

why can’t i “see.”  it’s like one of those magic pictures, where you stare at it forever, relax your eyes, and see a sailboat or mount rushmore or whatever.   if i could just relax my eyes and see the lines of influence the pieces have, how the bishop slices across the board, how the queen radiates, how the knights control that space over there and over there, then perhaps, maybe, i might have a chance.

so i got home, a bit sad (maybe just not feeling good had me down) and the first thing i did, after washing dishes, making tea, seeing that nothing worth watching was on the tv, and watching a buster keaton short (buster keaton ROCKS!) was pull out a chess book and read, in hopes of possibly learning something.  i think about the times when the planets aligned and i did manage to sneak a win in, and i get that glimmer of false hope, like i just might be able to do it.  it requires eyes, imagination, some logic, and the ability to lift 3 ounces and move it up to 8 inches at a time.  other than logic, i have what it takes.

as for never playing again, after this upcoming tournament in may, and possibly the tournament in june,  and maybe some others, if i don’t start winning more than losing, then i will definately stop playing maybe.

i hate my cat. i refer to him as retardo montalban, the pot smoking emo cat. i swear he is a stoner. he saunters into the room, stops and sits upright, looking around like “what the hell did i come in here for?” and then turns around and walks away. then, he lays down and looks all despondent. anyway, i come home and there, on my rug, is a dead bird, feathers, and my dumb ass cat laying next to it, pointing at it with his paw and looking at me like “hey, i got this for you, you wanna eat it?” i had to clean up blood stains out of the carpet, and when i picked up the little body, it was still warm. my cat is a murderer.

so i decide to make a cup of tea, and i have this really nice himalayan black organic tea from “ineeka” (although i enjoy lipton as well) which i got cause it comes in a cool package, and i am a sucker for packaging. i’m the guy who buys a book for it’s cool cover. i am fascinated by shiny objects. anyway, as i was waiting for the water to boil, i decided to read the directions, and there, on the box are these directions, and i write verbatim “Pour hot water over leaves. Watch freshness unfurl.”

you gotta be fucking kidding me. first off, how am i supposed to see “Freshness” much less watch it unfurl? if i don’t watch it, does the freshness not unfurl? will my tea taste like ass cause i didn’t watch it? how the hell can that be a direction?

so i sit down for some internet chess, and i play this guy rated higher than me (which i don’t put too much stock in, it’s the internet) and we play this crazy game. it makes no sense, but it was fun. a bit surreal, unless i am reading into it. dude runs out of time, i have 4:58 seconds left, and i think i was gonna mate him. fag let the time run out. i’m black, we play the ruy lopez so i can’t use my cool nimzo indian techniques that i lie to myself about knowing. all is routine and on move 7, i get the wild hare up my butt and decide to do something not right at all. i gallop my steed over to the rim on h5 (where it’s dim, they say). i do this cause “i like to live on the edge!” (that was said in a monster truck radio add voice) and also i am going to send him to a martyr’s death taking out a pawn. the guy trades his bishop for my horse over on the queens side, and i really don’t know why he did that. seems a waste to me. he tries to pressure my queen with his bishop, but a quick pawn block and i figure he will just end up losing his bishop later on if i do things right. move 12 horse continues on his one way trip and i have to figure out wich pawn to remove. AHA! i think, i will keep the horse and send off my bishop to die for the cause, so butch cassidy is gone, and i am left with only the sundance kid (i name my bishops, doesn’t everyone?) but i’ve opened up the castle and gained a move putting him in check. now to get rid of his bishop and figure out how to get my queen all up in his shit. i do the status checks the real chess players talk about, looking for checks and captures, and i decide to take a moment and get my king onto a safe square, hence my move on 16 up to g7. i push the pawn up a square, he tries to threaten my horse but i don’t budge. then, i figure i’ll simplify and trade horses, which allows my queen to tresspass in his area. he tries to trade queens, but as wreckless as i am, i aint gonna let that happen. then i get this brilliant idea and bring my rook over so when i take his bishop, i have an open file. he threatens to take my other bishop, but i’ve already counted it gone, and besides, he wasn’t doing anything on the other side of the world anyway. seems like a wasted move to me, removing someone not even in the fight. no matter, gives me tempo. i take his bishop, and he takes mine. i thoguth i had him, but it didn’t quite work out as i planed, and we danced around a bit. this highlights how much i suck and reinforces the fact that i don’t have a clue what i’m doing. i think i can maybe take his rook in a fork, but it don’t happen. i manage to get him in what i think is a mating move, and he runs out of time. i’m pretty sure i had him in mate though, just one more damn move….. if anyone wants to tell me what i did wrong or how i could have played better, please please please let me know, i greatly appreciate any critiques…

if you want to see the abomination for yourself, here it is. copy and paste into the PGN viewer convieniently provided to your right….
1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Bb5 Nf6 4. O-O Bc5 5. c3 d6
6. Re1 O-O 7. h3 Nh5 8. Bxc6 bxc6 9. d4 exd4 10. cxd4 Bb6
11. Bg5 f6 12. Bh4 Nf4 13. Nc3 Bxh3 14. gxh3 Nxh3+ 15. Kf1 g5
16. Bg3 Kg7 17. Na4 Ba5 18. Re2 h5 19. Ng1 Qd7 20. Rc2 Nxg1
21. Kxg1 Qh3 22. Qf1 Qg4 23. Qe2 Qh3 24. Qf3 h4 25. Rxc6 Rh8
26. b4 hxg3 27. bxa5 gxf2+ 28. Kxf2 Qh2+ 29. Qg2 Qf4+ 30. Ke1 Rh2
31. Rxc7+ Kg6 32. Qf1 Qe3+
0-1

somedays i’m on, somedays i’m not.  when i’m “on” i can feel it, i see moves, i just “know” it.  i am in “the zone.”  when i’m off, i play as good as a cement block floats.   i’ve read and heard about how professional sports guys, like tiger woods and michal jordan  and those folks get in a mental state where everything clicks, either through a specific routine, meditatoin, selling thier soul, or what have you.  they get into a mindset where everything is focused and clear and they just know what to do.  the “become the ball” and it all happens.  i’ve had brief moments of clarity, i know they exist, but they are fleeting.  if i could only figure out a way to “turn it on” and get myself in the mental state where i am on, whenever i need it, deliberately….

is it possible?  were the grandmasters always “on”? could they turn it on and off, did they mentally prepare or were they just so damn good they could you could wake them up in the middle of the night after a long night drinking and they would still destroy you in 34 moves?  usually i have stevie wonder level chess vision, but occasionaly, the clouds part, everything comes into focus, and my chess vision is clear and focused.  is it possible to always have the clear vision, or at least get into that mindset when you need it?  i’ve tried to pay attention to myself, see how it feels, in an effort to be able to re-create the circumstances and be on, but i am not getting it yet.  i’ve said i studied myself stupid, and i wonder if it’s possible to burn out, overtrain, overload the mind so it just says “screw you pal, i’m going to the movies, i’ll see you later.” 

playing with a friend, he had an obvious mate coming, it was just a hair short of having blinking neon signs pointing it out, and didn’t even see it.  the next game, every move i made was perfect and i took him out in under 30 moves.  i don’t even know what i did, i just moved the pieces where i thought they should go and next thing i knew it was mate.  why were my moves so crappy the first game, and the second game they worked?   is it left to chance?  if two player make the best moves every move, would it end in a draw or stalemate, or would one of them eventually win? 

sometimes i think i’ve stopped learning and my mind isn’t taking anything more on, but then when i play, i see myself using moves and ideas that i recently studied, i start to see patterns and things that look familiar, but it still seems like i have such a long way to go….

 i had planned on studying chess all weekend, i didn’t even come close.  i did manage to eke out some time on the chess tactics server, and i got my rating up to 1440
(then promptly erred my way back down to 1430), so it wasn’t a complete loss, but for the majority of my weekend i frittered and wasted my hours in an offhand way, just like pink floyd sang about.  it was friday night, next thing i knew, it was sunday night, with nothing to show for it but a slight hangover.

i  did get one decent internet game though.  it was a fun game, i really enjoyed it.  it is rife with tactics, (which are like little artful puzzles to me.  if i pull of some tactical thing, i feel like i created some temporary art.  the beauty is in it’s nonpermanance, like the cherry blossom, which is at perfection only when it is ready to fall off the branch and die, but i digress).  we both made a bunch of mistakes, it turns out i made one less and ended up not losing.

i was using the nimzo indian, which i really really like (and will explain why in another post).  on move 4, when i took his horse, he recaptured with the b pawn, which i don’t think was all that good (as if i know what i’m talking about.  yeah, right).  on move 7 i saw that i could take his bishop after a series of moves using an intricate system of levers and pullys, clearing out the pawns in the middle.  on move 9 i actually made it work and saw my plans come to fruition.   pride cometh before a fall.   two moves later i lose my queen in a nice tactical manouever, so much for paying attention.   on move 15 he threatened my rook, but thanks to the tactics server, i saw potential, and managed to not only save my rook, but take his.  on move 18 he could have had my other rook, but he had the killing lust upon him.  lucky for me he didn’t have anything to back that up with and i blocked him.  i decided to trade some pieces and thanks to dan hiesman’s counting articles, i figured out how i could come out ahead, and did.  he resigned and i continued my drinking.  again, i didn’t really win,  i just didn’t lose.

here is the game if anyone wants to see it.

1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e6 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. a3 Bxc3+ 5. bxc3 c5
6. Bg5 d5 7. e3 cxd4 8. cxd4 dxc4 9. Bxc4 Qa5+ 10. Qd2 Qxg5
11. f4 Qg4 12. Be2 Qxg2 13. Bb5+ Bd7 14. Qxg2 Bxb5 15. Qxb7 Bc6
16. Qc7 Bxh1 17. Rb1 Nd5 18. Qc8+ Ke7 19. Qb7+ Nd7 20. Nh3 Rhb8
21. Qxb8 Rxb8 22. Rxb8 Nxb8
0-1

the whole “draw by repetition” rule needs to be removed.  it’s bullshit and gay and doesn’t belong.  i understand if only kings are on the board and it is physically impossible for anyone to mate.  i understand if you get all gridlocked and there are just no moves left.  however….. if you have pieces on the board that can make legal moves, but you are too much of a pussy to make a move because you know you are going to lose, so you end up checking your opponent over and over until you draw, you should automatically lose for being a coward. 

i’m playing some guy rated higher than i am , i actually paid attention to my moves and i was winning.  i was about to promote a pawn and dispatch my foe when he puts me in check, so i move, and he puts me in check, so i move back to the square, and we do this over and over until we draw.   look dude, if you can’t mate me doing what you are doing, then try something else.  if you can’t prevent me from promoting or checking or whatever, then deal with what i have, lose like a man, and move on.  he had other legal moves, he had other pieces, but he couldn’t bring himself to lose, so he went for the draw.  cowards die 1000 deaths. 

i really can’t see any reason for that rule.  it’s not a draw, just because you can keep moving back and forth accomplishing nothing doesn’t mean we are equal at all.  try something, heck, try twice, but if it ain’t happening, you need to move on.   how can you respect someone who takes that cowardly tack?  unless i am missing something, i think the rule should be changed or deleted entirely. 

it is friday, tomorrow is earth day.  i asked one of the guys i work with if i could borrow his hummer to drive to the earth day celebration, he failed to see the joke.  i will once again, just like last year, cast the pearls before the swine at a bicycle commuting booth, and make the feeble attempt at trying to get lazy, car obsessed americans to even think about the remote possibility of riding a bicycle to work one day a week.  5 miles on a bicycle is effortless, and there are no hills here, and the weather is nice.  but they want to pay $3 a gallon for gas and complain about thier crappy health and traffic. 

cool thing is, as i’m sitting at the booth being ignored, i will have my 303 mates book to study.  maybe i will meet a new chess partner?

i wish anyone reading this a great weekend.  rock on

went to chessclub last night, i ended up playing one of the old guys who is not that strong.  i mercilessly beat his ass, i didn’t even really enjoy it, i felt bad about it.  he is a nice guy, just trying to play some chess and have some fun, and i was trying to have some fun along with him, but i destroyed him.  three times.  three games in one hour. 

on the second game, i tried to take it easy and experiment with stuff, i went for a trompowski type of manouever (cause secretly i am a bit of a fan of GM Julian Hodgeson, he is cool like the other side of the pillow).  so my bishop was hanging out on g5, and twice, TWO FREAKING TIMES he tried e5.  i had him take back the move both times and do it again, the second time visually showing him how i pick up my bishop and move it along the rank until it touched the queen.  the guy isn’t stupid or senile, he just wasn’t paying attention, not too strong a player, not really a threat.  i felt like i was running a footrace against a 5 year old.  real tough win there. 

got me thinking about things…..

thing 1:   is there some kind of chess club etiquette?  if playing an old guy who just wants to have fun, should i have let him win?  i wasn’t being a jerk about it, i wasn’t jumping up and down and screaming “YEAH, in your FACE, GRAMPS!!!”  but should i have taken it easy on him or should i figure he knows the deal, and it would be an insult to let him have a pity win?

thing b:   chess mentality.  if i am to reach my insanely optimistic goal of becomming a rated chess master, i am going to have to win.  i will have to beat everyone i play, no matter race, gender, creed, sexual preference, whatever.  if i feel “bad” about beating people, do i lack the “killer instinct” needed for world chess domination?  should i be ruthless?   it’s not like i was playing a rated game, it was a fun game in a library that is just to pass time with other mammals,  so what if let an old guy win, if it makes him happy and he goes home feeling good.  is the fact that i think like that a weakness?

last thing:  the mere fact that i’m having these thoughts, does that mean i am taking this all too seriously?  my victory was hollow, because i “beat” someone a whole lot weaker than i (which i find hard to believe, he is old, he has been playing longer than i have, he should be better than me).  i almost felt cheated, i was prepared to fight and lose against someone stronger than i, but winning against a weaker guy made me feel kind of sad.  like i wasted my time.  is playing someone clearly weaker than you a waste of time (assuming you are not just playing for fun, but to learn and improve)?

the other last thing:  even though i won, i saw my weaknesses quite clearly.  respect for my opponent - i find that if i think i am better than the guy i am playing, i play sloppy, and make more mistakes than normal.  i tend to underestimate my opponent, and i shouldn’t, ever.  but if i don’t “respect” my opponent (as a chess player) than i don’t put my heart into the game and i sometimes lose to really crappy players.  also, i play too quickly.  i don’t take the time to look at all the possiblities, all the moves, all the moves that could be made after i make the move i wanna make.  i just look at the position and move, not thinking how it will affect the board, how my opponent might and can react, etc.   and even though i kept thinking i would do this, i would use the time to practice taking my time, i didn’t, mostly cause i didn’t respect my adversary (as a chess playing opponent, i’m not talking about as another human) .  i knew he was weaker, so i didn’t take any of his threats seriously. 

and that was my chess night.  tonight i will make dinner.  i’m planning on making fideos, which is baked pasta with shrimp in saffron paprika white wine.  quite tasty. 

lots of stuff going through my melon, and here is a bunch of it….

first off, big ups to dutch defensefor putting my game through fritz and telling me what was what. i still don’t really see where i went wrong though. i *know* i went wrong somewhere, and stupidly giving up a bishop shouldn’t have made me play so badly. something i need to work on. so, thanks dutch defense, and if anyone else wants to chime in on my losing game, i’d be quite delighted to hear your thoughts. if not, no worry, you will have lots of chances, i will post more of my losing games, as i have so many of them….

i think i’ve studied myself stupid. i can’t, no matter what, get past 1425 on the chess tactics server. i go up to 1425, then err my way down to 1399, then back up, etc etc. it’s like i’m not seeing anything…. frustrating.

Blue Devil Knight has the cool quote right there on the top of his blog, “chess is too serious to enjoy, and too frivolous to take seriously. i tend to lean towards the frivolity side of it all, and it sometimes seems i’m not serious . HOWEVER…. that is a huge misconception. i LOVE the chess. love and respect it. if chess where a chick, i’d marry her (or at least look for naked pics of her on the internet ). when i win, i am giddy and happy, and when i lose, i take it as a personal reflection (sometimes). i tend to come across as irreverent , some of the more “stuffy” types see my comments or attitude as making a mockery of it all, but that is nowhere near the truth. when i play through a grandmaster’s game, it’s like seeing art come to life. thinking of the pieces, how they move, how they interact, it’s fascinating . i recently got the people i work with into playing, and now whenever we have a few moments, someone is at the board. it makes me so happy to watch these guys. there are no pretentions, no “sophistication” it’s bar room brawling chess. its common, coffehouse, everyman chess. they don’t know openings, they don’t know theory, they watch and learn and improve through aping those who win, and then they (we, really) go over the game and “analyse” what move would have been better. that makes me so damn happy, because it makes them happy, and bonds us. i want to make chess not a stuffy, academic pursuit, but a happy, energetic one. it is, after all, a game. perhaps, if we took it less serious (as an attitude towards) more people will be drawn to it and less critical. there will be less of the real mocking. just my crazy opinion…

which leads me to what’s been on my mind… “the chess bad boy.” every sport or clique or subculture has it’s “bad boy.” who is chess’ bad boy? chicks dig the bad boy, little kids are attracted to the image, it just makes sense. i want to be chess’ bad boy. it would be great if i could back it up with actual talent and strong play, and i intend to, but for now, i will be content with being “that guy” at tournaments and such. i don’t really know what being the bad boy entails, but i assume my general nature will suffice. i intend on having crazy parties in my hotel room, with chicks, and we will party like rock stars, and it will be cool. at least, that’s how i see it….

speaking of tournaments….i can’t wait for the upcoming tournament. i am a bit anxious, a bit excited, a bit hopeful. i don’t really know how to prepare, so i will just keep studying, playing through grandmaster games, trying to get a “feel” for what good chess looks and smells and feels like….

i had other stuff on my mind, and the crap i spewed here today seemed a lot more eloquant (and better spelled) in my mind, but, it’s been a long day, and i have to get to the library for tonight’s ass kicking (mine, not theirs)…

just like the altered beck lyric says, true to my name, i lost.  i didn’t just lose, i was treated like a ragdoll and punished for my crappiness.  i’d like to comment on the game, but i have no idea what was going through his head, and i was just thinking “maybe if i did this it might work.  nope.  ok, perhaps i should do this.  uh oh, “  and so on.

can someone, anyone, please run this through one of those new fangled fancy computronic analyzers and tell me where i went wrong?  please.  what moves did i toss the game out the window?  i looked and looked, and i just didn’t see where i messed up.  i think i was doing pretty good up through move 2, but then, on move 3, it seemed to go downhill.

any help would be greatly appreciated, and don’t sugarcoat it.

here is the game, i’m black, the side that gets neatly trounced.

1. d4 Nf6 2. Nc3 d5 3. e4 Nxe4 4. Nxe4 dxe4 5. Bf4 Nc6
6. c3 e5 7. dxe5 Qxd1+ 8. Rxd1 Bg4 9. Rd2 Bc5 10. h3 Bf5
11. Ne2 O-O 12. Ng3 Rfd8 13. Nxf5 Rxd2 14. Kxd2 Bxf2 15. Bb5 Rd8+
16. Ke2 e3 17. Bxc6 Rd2+ 18. Kf3 bxc6 19. Nxe3 Rd3 20. Kxf

before i begin the book review,  

some guy named gary kasparov, who apparently used to play chess or something, got arrested for trying to overthrow the russian government.  apparently,  vlad “the imapler” putin, russia’s president, was safely ensconced in a corner of the kremlin playing tetris and listening to Esteban playing an electric balilika, when kasparov, riding a horse, positioned himself in such a way as to allow one of the bishops from the russian orthodox church to launch a diagonal missile through the window of the fortification, and putin had nowhere to hide and tipped over.   or something like that, i’m a bit hazy on the details.  if you don’t already know about it, HERE is a link to the whole story.

 the point of that is, that makes kasparov the current “bad boy” of chess.   damnit, *I* wanted to be the “bad boy” of chess.  chess needs a “bad boy.”   more on that tomorrow though, for now, i wanna write all about this cool book i have called…. 

Chess Tactics for Champions by GM susan Polgar.

the format is as follows:  each chapter has an introduction of a principle, (e.g. double attack) followed by an example or two to fully explain the idea, followed by an example from one of GM Pogar’s games illustrating the idea in an actual game, and then 25 or so practise problems.  there are all the basic tactics;  fork, skewer, etc, buy the book also discusses destroying the castled king, perpetual check, and then there is mixed mate in 2 moves, 3 moves, and 4 moves. then there are the chapters of sibling positions, traps and counter traps, and famous combinations.

 this book might be more for beginers and lower rated people, perhaps it’s mostly basic stuff, not too advanced, but i like it.  the puzzles are simple enough to grasp concepts and burn images into my feeble brain, but just hard enough to mot be “too easy” or a waste of my time. 

i really really like this book, and i would reccomend it to anyone who isn’t playing at about the 1700 level or so. 

it’s friday, weekend is here, i’m gonna play belligerent drunken online chess and lose and become despondant.  at least, that’s the plan….

that said, i had a decent game recently.  i’m proud of this game, it almost looks like i know what i am doing.  the guy was rated at 1759 or so, and maybe he wasn’t paying attention or trying something new out, but using tactics and some moves i read in a book, i played a decent game.   move 5 came from a book, a basic fork, it worked.  he tried to get out of it by taking my knight, but it didn’t work.  i met his little harrasment check with calm, and although i could no longer castle, i wasn’t too upset.  i figured if i actually made it to an endgame, i would be decently situated.  this may be wrong thinking, but it kept me hopeful and calm.  i don’t understand why on move 7 he moved his pawn and gave up his bishop for a pawn.   on 10, as soon as he castled, i knew i had his knight with no risk of screwing up really badly.  i’m kinda proud of move 17, shooing the nappy headed ho (i’m not gonna let that die anytime soon) queen away while developing while also protecting my bishop.  i realized the discoverd check was coming, so at move 20 i saw i could prevent that and threaten mate, and i thought it was obvious, but i managed to sneak it by him and i actually won.  

 i’m white, playing a kings gambit, here is the game, copy and paste in the pgn viewer if you want to follow along.

1. e4 e5 2. f4 Bc5 3. Nf3 Nc6 4. fxe5 Nxe5 5. d4 Nxf3+
6. gxf3 Qh4+ 7. Ke2 f5 8. dxc5 fxe4 9. Bg2 Nf6 10. Nc3 O-O
11. Nxe4 Nxe4 12. Qd5+ Kh8 13. fxe4 d6 14. Rf1 Bg4+ 15. Kd3 Rxf1
16. Bxf1 Qf2 17. Be3 Qxh2 18. Qxb7 Rd8 19. Qxc7 Qh4 20. Bd4 dxc5
21. Qxg7#
1-0

anyone reading this, thanks for stopping by, have a great weekend

DAMN!  kurt vonnegut died.  even though everyone knows him for slaughterhouse 5, i think “Cats cradle” and “deadeye dick” were way better.   also, i liked “hocus pocus” even though most critics didn’t. he was a major influence on pop culture and literature. joe satriani had a song called “ice nine.” slaughterhouse 5 was a movie and is required reading in school.  but what really made him cool, i think, was his cameo in “back to school” with rodney dangerfield.  that one song, porduced by baz lehrmen, was falsley attributed to him, becase it was so cool, everyone thought he wrote it.  he was cool like the other side of the pillow.   R.I.P. kurt.   

 i couldn’t figure out why you couldn’t highlight and copy text, so i changed the template, and now you can.

second, what the fuck is “soft rock”?!?!?!?  music either ROCKS or it doesn’t.  you can’t have “soft” rock, that’s like having “cool” fire, or “dry” water. 

so, yesterday i didn’t go to the gym, i’ve been slacking and lazy and i almost didn’t go to chess club, but i went.  and last night at chess club, i did it, i beat the strongest guy there (that i knowof ) .  twice.  in a row.  first as black, then as white.  on the outside i was all calm and quiet and i shook his hand with a gentle smile and said “good game” but on the inside, i was standing on the table, finger in his face, loudly proclaiming ”mate, bitch!  YEAH!!!!!”  

to be honest, i didn’t so much “win”  as he “lost.”  both games he was up material, but on the first game, as white, he couldn’t get a strong mating attack going, and i managed to stay alive long enough to get my pieces aimed at his corner.  i opened his a and b files and mated with rooks.  the second game, when i was white, i had sacrificed my pieces like some crazy aztec high priest trying to appease the gods, i was down to a queen and a rook, he had a queen, a rook, and both horses. i did have more pawns, so if i made it to an endgame, i’d be in good shape.   i made a final sac of my rook, which he took with his horse, which i wanted.  the horse was guarding a square i needed, and he didn’t even know it.  that square let me skewer his king and take his queen.  all i had was a queen, he had both horses and a rook, and from there, it was a series of forks as i took out piece by piece, like a sniper.  in both games, especially the second game, it came down to tactics.  he made small tactical errors, i used tactics to wear him down and gain advantage.  i didn’t play strong, but whatever i did worked. 

it made my night, really.  he is rated in the 1700’s or so, and a very methodical, strong player.  last week i came close to beating him, last night, i beat him twice.  now, he was probably having an off day, i got lucky, and that is what happened, i understand that.  but beating him gives me a false sense of hope that makes me think i might have a chance in the upcoming tournament, and my goal of becoming a rated chess master might be attainable.   if nothing else, i have definately improved greatly over the last few weeks, and again, tactics have played a large part, i can see how important tactics really are. 

i’m excited about this evening, i am making a confit of pork, it’s in the oven as i type this, i put it in this morning at about 6:00 and by this evening, 8-12 hours later, it will be super tender and flavorful.  this has nothing to do with chess, but i love to eat, so there is that.