hardcore pawnography

ok, taxicab confession time…..

i’m a bit of a chess stalker.

the time was waaaaay back in the day, like, two months ago or whatever, when us chess live was still active, before it became dasher or whatever it is now. i was cruising around, lurking and watching other people’s games. i usually only watch games of people rated 1900 or more.

i watched a game between some guy rated in the 2100’s and an unrated guy with the nick: Krapalov. this krapalov guy destroyed the other player. but not like an orc or mike tyson, more like a ninja, a ballet assasin. it was THE MOST beautiful game i had ever seen.

now, i have read people who say “this is a beautiful game” or whatnot, and i look at the game and think, “yeah, nice game, but it’s just pieces moving.” not this krapalov guy. he didn’t play chess. he played art (not the guy, the noun).

so i watched another of his games, and again, beautiful destruction. i hit him up on chat, he chatted breifly, and if chat could have an accent, i think he had one. i watched the guy play against some other dudes, and he took them down, systematically. each game was poetry.

i quickly tried to get to his games and copy and save them, but i couldn’t. i managed to get three of them, but not the ones i watched and played over and over,

every move of his did something. it was as if he knew exactly where he wanted to be in 28 moves and moved the pieces to make it so. i couldn’t stop watching the guy, but then he had to go.

since then, every time i got on us chess live, i’ve looked to see if he was on. he wasn’t. now that it’s dasher, i constantly look to see if he is on, he isn’t. i don’t even know if he was a registered user, i don’t think he was.

i still look for him though. i watch other players, but no one yet has played like him. he had a style, a grace, a magic to it. i have never ever ever seen any games, played by anyone, that looked like his.

ok, so i’m not much of a stalker, i’m kind of crappy when it comes to it. i’m honestly too lazy to be a stalker. it takes lots of work and dedication. i dont’ see why people use stalker as a pejoritive. if i had a stalker, that would rock. it meant someone, insane as they might be, likes me enough to go out of thier way to see me, feel me, touch me, or heal me. what a compliment!

so, while i may never take more action then checking the “players” colum when i log on to dasher, i will still think about that day, still look and hope to someday see some guy playing under the name “krapalov.” and if i do, i will make a much better effort at stalking him.

the answer to yesterday’s puzzle: while i thought i had it, i didn’t. if the king swings around to help the a7 pawn, he is stalled and blocked. he must swing around towards the h file, get to g3, THEN white must sac his bishop on g5 to end up with a passed pawn. THEN he moves f4, does some pawn exchanges, and ends up with another passed pawn, and while the black king is over towards the a7 pawn, white will eventually queen and win. pretty fuckin sweet.

monday morning, just got back from running. why i wake up before 6 .am. to run baffles me. i can’t say i honestly enjoy it, but i do it. not always, but enough. when i run, in addition to thinking “this sucks, i hate this, i want to stop, i could be eating a pizza, ” i also think about other crap, like how much i want to really really really learn chess, it’s mysteries, its inner secrets. running isn’t teaching me about chess, but it does build up my tolerance for suffering, so i can handle losing at tournaments a bit better.

the tour de france is over. someone came in last. that guy, for the rest of his life, can brag about it. people can say “yeah, but you finished last in the tour de france” and he can, with all pride, answer “yup. i FINISHED the TOUR DE FRANCE.” first off, the guy finshed. second, it was le tour. to come in last in le tour is cooler and better than winning some of the smaller races. it’s the freakin tour.

well, i kinda wanna be that guy in chess. i don’t need to be a grand master, i don’t need to dominate and destroy. but i want to be good enough to come in last at the highest levels. i want to look at a position and correctly say “oh, white looks strong, and more developed, but black’s king is safer and black is generating a strong attack against a weaker white king, so black has a better position. i’d move b5.”

i’m probably going to enter the chess tournement in reno, nevada, october this year. gives me something to train for, something to shoot for. and i might get to meet r.l. pearson of wahrheit chess blog fame. and it’s reno, so there is that.

i shall leave you with a puzzle. it’s not tactics, it’s positional.

white to move and eventually win. i’ll post the answer tomorrow evening arizona time.

looks like alberto contador will take the yello jersey at paris tomorrow. levi liephiemer rode his friggin ass off today. i don’t much care for time trials, but damn, today’s time trial between cadell evans, contador, and liephiemer was exciting, down to seconds. good stuff.

so i saw a car with handicapped plates, and on the roof of said car was a bad ass mountain bike. these things just don’t seem to go together.

i wonder if the devil ever walks into a fish market and tells the fishmonger “i’d like to buy your sole.”

and to close out this saturday, Wahrheit sent me some pics from the reno chess club, which i will share with you all.

shout out to the reno chess club!  thanks for the pics.

(note: i don’t know why some are thumbnails and the last is a large pic. click on the pics for full image)

next week i’m going to chess camp, it’s gonna be GREAT!   we are gonna make smore’s using the black pawns, we are gonna glue macaroni to score sheets and make cool knight and rook pictures.  we are gonna sit around a campfire roasting bishops and the camp IM counselor will tell us scary stories of the kid at the tournement who would beat everyone and take thier rating points, and later they found out that kid died years ago in a freak chess accident at that same tournament!

or maybe it’s not gonna be like that, i’ve never been to one, i don’t know.  i guess it will be a few hours a day surrounded by 13 year olds who are better than me, learning chess.  why don’t they just call it a chess seminar?  i guess cause kids won’t want to go to a “seminar,” but they will go to “camp.”   either way, i’m pretty excited.  i should learn a whole bunch of stuff, which is pretty damn cool.  bout damn time i did some learnin.

this weekend i will study positions, go over tactics, and compare the games between botvinnik and tal, see what made who win in thier match in 1960 1nd 1961.

i’m still gonna watch le tour, but, it’s just so….frustrating.  rasmussen is out, no yellow jersey yesterday, as no one wanted to “inherit” the jersey, so they rode and contador is in 1st place.  cofidis is out cause one of thier guys tested positive.

i almost can see the doping.  these guys are riding over 100 miles a day almost every day for 3 weeks.  up huge mountains, fast.  thier bodies are being pushed to the limits.  but i guess that’s not an excuse. damn, just ride these last days and lets move on…

anyone reading this, i hope you have a great weekend.

today was stage 16 on the tour, which ends sunday. holy crap, what drama. vinokurov, who came back to win not just the time trial but a stage, has withdrawn for testing positive for a blood transfusion. now, i think he got the transfusion to clean out his knee, which had gone totally septic. michael rasumussen, to my surprise, retains the yellow, and today, i thought contador would take it, but NO! contador tried, coudln’t do it, and rasumussen pulled away and further cemented his lead. one last time trial to go, barring some freak accident, or a really bad ride, it looks like rasmussen will win the tour. but it’s still close enough to be surprised, so there is that.

ok, chess….

i know i have all the books i need, i now need to study them and learn. so what did i do? i bought more. but these are the last i will buy, i SWEAR!

first, hanging out in a bookstore, i bought “imagination in chess” by paata gaprindashvili. it’s a book of 756 positions, taken from actual games. all you do is study them and try to figure out what the next moves will be. kind of like a tactics book, but it’s not just tactics, there are regular positional moves and such. i need this and like it, a great book to have while waiting in line or at a red light or between commercials on tv.

next, yesterday the mailman delievered TWO books by mark dvoretsky, “Secrets of chess training” and “Strategic play.” i got them becuase josh waitzkin mentioned dvoretsky in “the art of learning.” i’ve looked through both of them, and i love them immediately. they are like workbooks, with lectures and puzzles and these two books alone could and will take me a year to really learn from them, and even then i won’t have all they have to offer. they are like graduate level text books. no, i definately do NOT need any more books.

here is a list of my chess books:

“Secrets of chess training” - mark dvoretsky

“Strategic play” - mark dvoretsky

“imagination in chess” - paata gaprindashvili

“complete book of chess strategy” jeremy silman

“Amateurs mind” - silman

“my system” - nimzowitsch

“chess openings for white, explained” - lev alburt

“chess openings for black, explained” - alburt

“chess strategy for the tournament player” -alburt

“practical chess analysis” - mark buckley

“think like a grandmaster” - alexander kotov

“logical chess move by move”- irving chernev

“capablancas best chess endings” - chernev

“winning chess, how to see 3 moves ahead” - chernev and reinfeld

“the most instructive games of chess ever played” - chernev

“combinations, the heart of chess” - chernev
“the life and games of mikhail tal” - tal

“grandmaster chess move by move” - john nunn

“mammoth book of the worlds greatest chess games” - grahm burgess, john nunn, john emms

“art of attack” - vladimir vukovic

“understanding chess tactics” - martin weteschnik

“chess tactics for champions” susan polger

“chess the art of logical thinking” - neil mcdonald

“chess the mechanics of the mind” - helmut pfleger and gerd treppner

“”500 master games of chess” - dr. s. tartakower and j. du mont

“alexander alekhine master of attack” - alexander raetsky and maxim chetverik

“alexander alekhine games 1902 - 1922″ (just game moves and positions, no commentary or anything)

” zurich tournament 1953″ - david bronstein

“new york international tournament 1924″ - alekhine

“the gruenfeld defense revealed” - michael khodarkovsky

“the modern benoni revealed” - richard palliser (thanks wang)

“starting out: the king’s indian” - joe gallagher

“mastering the middlegame” - angus dunnington

“concise chess openings” - neil mcdonald

“chess openings the easy way” nick de firmian

“teach yourself better chess” (i like this, it’s a fun little book with reminders and tips and small bite size lessons, two pages long).

and that, i think, is everything. for now.

if you have any comments on the books, if you know some of the info is bullshit, if you have any questions about the books, whatever, please please, resspond away. let it become a discussion. i’d like to hear everyone’s opinion.

*allusion to shakespear, pretty classy, huh?

why i didn’t win the tournament

variation on a theme

i spent the weekend in tucson, arizona at the ye olde pueblo chess tournemnt, held at the holiday inn. same venue as the US amateur west 2007. saw some of the same folks, met more new ones, missed some from the last tournament (jeff the coach, hope you’re doing well). this tournament seemed more subdued, smaller, even though there was cash prizes involved as well as rating points. i would think the cash would draw more folks, but the US am west seemed like it drew more people.

for me, the theme of this event was “ratings.” it baffles me how placing some arbitrary number next to a name can evoke such a physical response. is he rates lower? then i should win, i have confidence, perhaps i am overconfident, if i lose it’s crushing. is he rated higher? i am intimidated, yet now i have a desire to prove myself, play strong, and take points. if i win i feel godlike, if i lose it’s not so bad, i mean, the number next to his name said i “should” lose. it’s weird how i/we start to judge people by the number next to thier name. i hear the prisoner right now, “i am not a number, i’m a free man.” i know, intellectually, not to worry about ratings, play the damn game, play the pieces not the opponent, play good chess and the ratings will come. by i see a number, my heart races faster for fear or excitement. i wonder, if you hooked up a chessplayer rated at 1600 to a heart machine and flashed numbers from 900 - 2200, just numbers, not telling him they mean anything, would he react?

it’s a 5 round tournament, 5 possible points, i plan on getting at least 4, hoping for 5. the first round was friday night, 7:00 p.m., so there were lots of buys, people had to travel, people with real jobs had to get off work, etc. i played. i figured, losing one extra game would give me that much more experience. overall it was a good tournament. smaller crowd, more serious, less of a festival atmosphere, more laid back in some ways.

DAY 1

friday night. i arrived, checked into the hotel, went down to make sure i was registered, and hung out waiting for the tournament to begin. watching a game, i overheard some kid ask another if he wanted to play. the kid didn’t, so i turned around and said “wanna play a game?”

kid’s name was kyle, him and his dad were in the tournament, they drove all the way from new mexico, he had been in town for the chess camp that just ended. we began, no clock, just an informal game, i was white. i saced a bishop (or maybe a knight, i forget) trading for a pawn to open the h file. his queen was all up in my grill, putting pressure on everything i had, but it was just a queen, no back up help, so i didn’t think there would be mate. he asked what section i was playing in, i explained the “under 1400 booster” section. he was playing in the open section, kid is in the 1700’s. super nice kid, he explains that i shouldn’t sac a piece on a attack that will go nowhere. how cool is that? he takes time to teach me, show me where i went wrong, he didn’t rub my face in it or point and laugh or make me feel stupid (which i can feel without anyone’s help) but he pointed out where i could be better, right when i needed it, where i wouldn’t forget. cool kid.   ( i didn’t see him last round, i assume they had to get back to santa fe and he took a bye.  i think he finished with 3 or 4 points).  some others gathered around and i think he got distracted, or perhaps he was being nice, but i won our little game.  now, this is before the tournament, it didn’t count, it was a warm up for us, a friendly game. holy crap, i won.  i am now afraid i used up all my chess for the night and i’m gonna lose. dammit!

standing around, i see a guy in an obnoxious orange hawaiian shirt. i look at him, he at me, and we shake hands. it’s wang. i finally meet someone from the chessblogosphere. we make plans to get a beer after the round.

Round 1 - i decided i willlive the HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY lifestyle and play violent, decive chess. so i meet my opponent, larry, an older guy. turns out it’s kyle’s dad. this is good, at least i get to lose to someone my age, and not get my ass kicked by a kid. the tournament begins, it is a mellow, calm feeling. since most people just arrived, it feels more informal, like a huge friday night chess club. i am white, i open with a queen’s pawn. last tournament all the kids played sicilian, i don’t feel like dealing with the sicilian, and also, all the tournament books i study of grandmaster games are mostly d4 openings, so for this tournament, i will only play d4 as white. it should rattle the little bastards and i feel comfortable with it. it’s a pretty even game, but on move 21 he blunders and i take his rook, the game ends a few moves later. i won my first round. hopefully this is a sign of how things will go.

later that night, me, my wife, and want head out to the surly wench for a beer. i promised wang i’d buy him one, and i’m a man of my word, and i want to celebrate my first win. honestly, i’m not much of a beer guy, i prefer wine, but i went with a beer that had a cool label, and it was a damn tasty beer, from ska brewing company called buster nut ale. wang is a fun, funny dude, and damn he knows chess. the guy KNOWS his stuff, and we have a lot in common, including a weakness for bookstores. the band was setting up, it was getting late, there was chess to be played the next day, so we called it a night.

DAY 2

Round 2. - i’m paired against a kid rated 200 points higher than me. kid’s name is ben hook, he has a strong confident handshake, he is a regular average kid. again i am white, i open with d4. i am playing strong, i am calclating his next move, the power in the game shifts between him and me and we are even. his queen threatens mate, my queen puts soe pressure on him, it’s a really really good game. i get up to go to the bathroom, and perhaps rather than giving me a fresh perspective on the game it broke my concentration, but somewhere around move 40 i fuck up. i move my knight for a tactical combination, he sees it and doesn’t fall for it. i planned to move my knight back, but instead i move a pawn and he takes my hanging en pris unprotected for no reason free knight. the amazing power of one piece. one piece up for him, down for me. it’s a slow progression down and i lose. but i am not upset, not at all. somewhere during the game, he told me he used to be a 1500 or something and should be playing up, but he hadn’t played in a year and he is now under 1400. again with the numbers. but i don’t mind losing because it was a good game, i played my best, i made an honest mistake that i should have been punished for, and i really liked this kid. i didn’t mind losing to him at all, i respected him as an opponent. i think he ended up with 4 points, and he deserved each one.

a few hours until the next round, everyone is reviewing and analysing thier games, studying for the next round, me and the wife go out to buy a new car. we know what we want, a good solid american car (toyota corolla. made in the usa, lasts 200,000 miles, gets 41 mpg. comes in electric blue). we go in, tell them we want to buy the car, we do the dance but thanks to car buying tips i use terms like 2% holdback and such, i sound like i know what i’m doing, i make an offer and they take it. does this mean i can write the check and leave? no. you can’t walk in, buy a car and leave, you have to wait for i don’t know what. this takes hours. more hours than i want or have. my wife explains i’m in a tournament and they need to hurry so i can get across town on time. as we wait, they all ask what kind of tournement i’m in. i say “chess tournement” and they look at me. i am wearing a t-shirt that says “arizona state prison: a gated community,” i have a chain wallet, batman logo chuck tayolor high top converse, and tattoos. i guess i don’t look like what they expected. they are nice about it though, they speed it up, we have enought time to drive fast back to the hotel, stopping for a hot dog (we hadn’t eaten and we were starving) and tired and a bit frazzled i am read for my next game.

Round 3 - i’m black, playing against josh pennock, the 10 year old son of one of the tournament organizers. another nice kid, freindly and happy. rated lower than me, but i watched him play a blitz game with a freind before the match, i have to be careful. he opens up with……d4! the ONLY kid i’ve seen open with d4. i like this kid, he is going places. i don’t play HARDCORE chess like i planned, i am tentative. he is cautious, and mid game, the board is locked up tighter than charles manson. i want to take a picture of the board. kid offers a draw, i decline, i want to see where this is going. the board has to be opened up somehow, i position my army and sally forth into the fray. i send some men foward to die clearing a path and opening up lines into the enemy camp. it gets bloody, back to violent decicive chess. i win. this kid is going to be good someday. the only kid i’ve seen play d4, just like the grandmaster’s play. i tell him so, for the rest of the tournament, when we see each other, he says hi, we ask how each other’s games are going. if he were 11 years older, i’d buy him a beer.

the game ends too late to catch the roller derby so me and the wife return to the surly wench to celebrate my second win and join in the after roller derby party (that it’s the roller derby bar). i have 2 points, if i win my next 2 games, i will be ecstatic, and i should win the next 2 games. a few ska brewing company beers later i’m tired, the rollerderby is just letting out and the girls won’t be here for another hour, so we leave. on the way out of the bar, my wife gives the doorman a HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY sticker for the front door, which he takes and sticks. awesome. we get back to the hotel, there had been a storm, everything is dark. they have been without electricity for 2 hours, which means some of the games had to be adjourned. i missed all the excitement and adventure cause i was drinking on the other side of town. wang was there though, so check his blog details on that adventure.

DAY 3

Round 4 - i’m playing black against a kid rated lower than me. i try not to look at the ratings, i can’t help it. i should win. kid walks in and i’ve seen him playing others, he is whiny about little niggling crap. he calls the TDs to complain about little things and is a stickler for the rules. during the game, he keeps writing moves down, erasing them, then thinking, THEN moving. i tell him he needs to move first, he says ok. then two moves later, he writes, thinks, moves. i tell him again, but i don’t get the TD. i don’t like this kid. i hate this kid. perhaps it’s the beers and late night, perhaps my disdain for this little fucktard, but i’m just moving pieces, i’m not even watching the game. i’m down and pissed. we trade off queens and rooks and i am up a rook and bishop to his rook, pawns are even. i’m gonna queen, he’s gonna queen, i fuck up with my bishop and he takes it and i lose and he wins. the little fuck. i am PISSED. for a few reasons:
1. he is rated lower, he really isnt’ that good, i am a better chess player than he is, i should have won.
2. my fucking rating is going down. i should have played better chess, i hate myself, i am embarrassed.
3. i don’t respect my opponent. i don’t like the kid. he has to resort to complaining to cover his lack of chess skills, but then he “cheats” constantly. this kid will burn in the deepest circles of chess hell for his chess sins. and i lost to him.

this loss ruins my day and my stomach burns and knots all day about it. i won’t get over this for a while. i don’t even want to play the next round.

Round 5 - last round. whatever, i don’t care. i don’t deserve to be called a chess player, not after last game’s abortion. i’m tired, i’m drained. i’ve played 4 whole games of chess. over three days. that is NOT a grueling schedule. but i’m not the only one feeling it. jessica, a cool chick i’ve seen play, she is in the 1500’s or so, says she is withdrawing and not playing the last round. others are not showing up. fuck it, one more game, let’s get it over with.

i look at the pairings. oh no. i’m playing the little kid i beat last tournament, he is rated higher than me (still, but lower than last time) and he is the kid who’s mom was angry at him. i go to the board, his mom and him are there. i smile and say a freindly “hi” and the mom glares are me. she is trying to kill me with her eyes. he smiles but it’s a smile of fear. his mom bends down and speaks in chinese to him, pointing at me. his mom hates me, and i think she is threatening him if he loses to me. i feel so bad for this kid. the game begins, he is trying to be tough and strong. i am smiling and trying to be freindly and gentle and meek. this is crazy, it’s a fucking game that means nothing. to me. to him, i think it means his parent’s love, his future. how much pressure does this 10 year old have on him? he is going to have an ulcer by 15. he’s already lost, its just a matter of moving the pieces to prove it. i am white and open with d4. a few moves later, i make what i think is an obvious attack on a pice, he doens see it, i take a bishop and a rook for a horse. he is down. we play on, it gets down to his king a a few pawns against my queen and a queening pawn. he is beat but he can’t resign. i am tired and don’t want to play, the game is over, but he plays on. is he making me work for it? maybe. i admire and pity him. on one hand, he is playing it to the end, never giving up, fighting on. on the other hand, he doesn’t want to, he is compelled to. he looks at me and smiles, the smile of someone who is dying of cancer and knows they have about an hour left to live. i have two queens, he is mated. i tell him he played very good, i tell him in 10 years he will be a master, if not a grand master. he says “no.” i ask if he likes chess, he says “yes, but…” and stops. i tell him not to worry, he is smart and a good player, i don’t know what else to say. i’m not happy with my win, i feel bad about beating this kid. i want to slap his mom.

the tournament is over, for me anyway. me and wang watch two masters play. wang points stuff out to me, i learn from him, he know’s his shit. i have 3 points, i’ll finish in the top 15 of my section. i should be happy, i won more than 50% of my games. my rating should stay the same, maybe go up a point or two. dammit, i should have beat that little fuck. if i won that game, i’d have 4 points, (the winner of my section will have 4.5 points) and my rating would have been better. i lost because *I* lost. i played bad chess. no one’s fault but mine. dammit.

overall, i had fun. i made some new freinds, i met wang. go read his blog. here , for his take and spin on the event. the atmosphere was more relaxed, “professional,” it seemed only the true chess players, the hardcore chess players, were there.

mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. i didn’t get a chance to interview a master, they were always playing or not around, so as a wanna-be semi-legit chess blogger/journalist/enthusiast i failed.

thanks to the tournament dirctors and organizers, they put in a lot of work, dealt with a blackout as best they could, shuffled schedules and times, and were always helpful and freindly. if you ever have the time and can, come out to tucson for a tournament.

i look forward to the next tournament, wherever it may be.

so last night i was up in tucson, and i heard tell of a blitz tournament going on, so i decided to get some over the board experience. pretty laid back event, just for fun, no ratings or such, i saw it as buying a few lessons for $5, so i entered and played 7 blitz games, 5 minutes each.

i beat a 700, lost to a 1500, beat a 700, lost to a 1500, then lost the rest of the games. lost 5, won 2. i had a great time, practised some openings, saw where i need work, learned what i did wrong.

i met some cool people, i also saw some people from the 2007 west open, including FM rensch. overall, a pretty fun time.

two grand masters showed up, they had been at a local chess camp, and they did two exibition games. there were some higly rated dudes at the informal blitz tournament, and watching the masters play, it was like watching flying fists of fury at the end there. two fisted blur of hands, chess pieces everywhere, like a small tornado on the board, the clocks taking a pounding as one hand moved a piece, one hand banged on the clock, and one hand took a piece. that’s right, three hands. that is why they are masters. seeing a blitz game up close and live was pretty amazing. color me impressed.

afterward, i treated myself to

which was pretty damn awesome.

funny thing, while waiting for my hamburger, animal style, (part of the secret menu. if you order “animal style”, they grill the onions. you have to know this, it isn’t written anywhere and they normally won’t ask, you have to tell them) i overheard some guy talking to the girl behind the counter. seems he wanted something vegetarian. ok, i am a part time vegetarian, i understand not wanting to eat unhealhty red meat, but, WHY in the name of all that is evil would you go to a hamburger joint if you don’t want to eat meat? ?!?!?!?!? the guy was asking about soy burgers, vegetarian burgers, etc. DUDE, buy a boca burger and eat at home. (for those wondering, boca burgers are AWESOME and i highly reccommend them. super tasty). if you don’t want meat, dont go to a fucking burger joint. especially in-n-out burger, where the menu is “burger, cheese burger, or double cheese burger” and that’s it, other than fries and soda. no chicken fingers, no fish fillets, no salad. just juicy, greasy, tastiest in the world burgers. there are a few vegetarian restaurants in tucson, or there are places that have meatless dishes. but to walk into a burger store and ask for something with no meat???? that’s like going to an adult book store and asking for a bible. i don’t get some people.

ok, so friday night the tournament starts, my second real tournament. i’m excited. HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY will not be updated until monday, when the tournament is over and i will do a tournament report and there will be pictures. this time, i will try to cut down on the profanity. i said “try,” i didn’t say i will.

stay tuned….

oh, i shall leave you with a link to sexy chess pictures. BE ADVISED - SOME OF THEM ARE STRAIGHT UP PORN.

if you still wanna look at them, the link is:

here

a few days ago, pawn shaman mentioned the sicilian dragon. since then, all i can think of is a picture of a dragon with a fedora mentioning having ties to the mafia and talking in a thick brooklyn-italian accent.

you’ve got amerian idol, who wants to be the next food network star, top chef, next top model, next top etc etc etc. then you have the reality looking for love shows, flavor of love, i love new york, rock of love with the guy from poison, and the new one with scott freakin baio. they need to combine the two premises and have:

who wants to marry the next american chessmaster? a bunch of dudes compete in various elimination challenges (not just chess) while a bunch of smokin hot chicks compete to be the chick who gets to marry him. there will be the ubiquitos hottub scenes, chicks fighting over chess dudes, chess dudes fighting over whatever, it would be awesome.

i have a story floating around in my mind of a kid in, say, alaska or montanna or somewhere where chess just isn’t prevalent.  he finds an old book on chess in the library or at a garage sale, gets into it, and the pieces facinate him.  he moves them around and sees thier spheres of influcene and he makes “Art” and “designs” with the pieces, always refining the positions to make it the most perfect, beautiful “design” he can, and one day, a huge dimensional rent opens up.  turns out chess is a puzzle/key to another dimension and he solved it and then he goes on to adventure in another dimension and he gets laid.  a lot.

i got two days until the tournament, i don’t even really have any openings prepared, i’m just gonna wing it.  i’m gonna enjoy playing chess as a game.  i shall look for the truth in every position, look for the beauty in the game, and play.  i’m not taking a defeatist attitude of “fuck it, i can’t win so i’ll just have fun and give up” but rather, if i relax and have fun and play chess, i will eventually just start winning a lot.   i’m still memorizing games.   i don’t know if it’s the right way to go about it,  but, just like i know it’s only rock and roll, i still like it.

stage 9, tour resumes in the mountains, those boys are suffering more than i do playing chess.  vinokourov is riding with stitches in both knees and an elbow.   imagine peddling a bicycle up a mountain, and not just a regular mountain, but an alp, with fresh stiches in both knees.  those dudes are harder than woodpecker lips.

so i finished “the art of learning” by josh waitzkin.   it was mostly how great he is at whatever he wants to do.  apparently, as a kid, he was walking in the park, saw chess for the first time, and gave the guy he played a hard time winning as he was learning the rules.  he talked about his rise to chess stardom and then his rise to kung fu stardom.

perhaps i expected something different, which put me off.  maybe i was expecting a “how to learn” kind of book, and he does give some guidance and tips, but the majority of the book is about him struggling and excelling at his pursuits.  as i said in a previous post, i did learn that there are two types of learning, entity and incrementaly.  i am an entity learner, therefore i defeat myself often .   there were some interesting parts in the book, but mostly it’s a kind of biography of his struggles and successes with a few tips on how you can be a bit better.

at first i wanted to say “fuck you josh waitzkin, thanks for telling me how naturally gifted you are and how i’m not” because it seemed to be one big fluff piece on how awesome he is.  but as i read along, i could see he was trying, maybe, to “teach” via the parables of his life stories. yeah, it’s easy for me to bag on the guy, but really, what do i know, i’m just some idiot with a crappy blog, he is travveling around with an agent giving seminars.
as a book, it is written quite well, easy to read, rather exciting in some parts (if you enjoy following a kung fu match, i do) and i am sure if you try you can take away something from it.  it’s not a horrible book, not at all, i’m glad i read it and i might go back and re-read a part or two, but there was no great revelations, it’s not a guide to learning or a how-to self improvement book.   it’s a “learn what you can by reading what i’ve done and get inspired” kind of book.

maybe the answers are right there in front of me and i’m too dumb to see them, that is entirely possible.   i would reccommend the book if you have time. i’d get it from the library though first, and if you really really like it, go ahead an buy it.  there might be something in the book that talks to you and puts you on the right track.

it’s monday, a rest day for the tour, but not for me. one thing most people don’t understand about cycling, the guys who ride the tour de france, on thier “rest” day, they ride. they have to. it’s only about 50 miles, at an easy pace, but they can’t not ride. when the tour is over, they have to ride, they can’t just stop, or thier body siezes up. that is why they enter small races on the way home, to wean themselves off the bike. cycling is an extreme sport.

as for me, i am gearing up for friday. right now on the chess tactics server, i am at 70%, exactly,  thanks to following dk-transformation’s advice and taking it slow and solving the problems correctly.   i will continue and hopefully my percentage will get over 85, and my overall rating will have naturally increased.  i’m now at 1406, with my highest being 1506, exactly 100 points.   it’s wierd when numbers are perfect and round like that.

so here is my new thing.  i am memorizing games.  whole games, about 35 moves or less.  i play them over and over until i can play them two or three times without looking at the book.   i did this yesterday, memorized three games, and now, today, i can’t remember them, only bits and pieces.  but i think that somewhere, deep in the dark recesses of my brain, they are there and perhaps if i come across a similar position, i will “intuitevely” know what to do.  that’s what i’m hoping anyway.   the whole concept of memorizing a whole game, it’s probably quite obvious and well known and others might say “well, DUH!, that is what you are supposed to do” but i thought you were just supposed to study positions and tactics and over the course of lots of studying you just learned and memorized the positions, they became familiar.   i don’t know if it will work, but i kind of enjoy it, and i should get something out of it.  that’s my thing for this week anyway.

as far as getting a chess coach….yeah, i know, i need one and i want one.  here is the problem.  there is a chess teacher, Levon Altounian, right there in tucson.  the guy is awesome, freindly, so fucking smart, and is a great teacher.   i’ve taken two lessons with him, and i would totally study under him for the rest of my life if i could, but fate/the gods aren’t having any of that.   i am moving in a month or two to colorado.  so, i find a fantastic opportunity, a treasure, right here where i live now, but now that i found him, i know he is here, i can’t learn from him, i’m leaving.   i would like to take as many lessons from him as i could while i still can, but his schedule is super busy, and when he has time, i’m not around, so our schedules right now don’t jive.  he will be totally open next month, which is when i will be leaving, so there is that.   that is frustrating to no end.  its like life is intentionally rubbing my nose in it, taunting me, showing me what i can’t have.  so there is that.

for now i will just keep reading books and studying and doing what i can. i’m moving to a small town in colorado far from denver or colorado springs or anywhere chess is happening, so that will be a challenge.   who knows, maybe i’ll find someone who can teach me.

and now, i have some games to memorize.

tour de france - stage 8 - holy freaking crap! linus gerdemann, riding for t-mobile, out of nowhere, explodes up the damn mountain and wins the stage, the yellow jersey, and the white jersey in one shot. greatest day of his life, no doubt. perhaps if t-mobile treats him better and gives him the support they didn’t give ulrich he could replace ulrich as the team’s man. kick ass gerdemann, i hope this is the start of a great carreer. amazing stage today.

ok, so lately i’ve been a bit down and frustrated and honestly, last night i didn’t want to go to this upcoming tournament.  last night i just wanted to delete this blog, throw out the books, and never play chess again.  i went to tucson and played at the coffeeshop, won 1, draw 1, lost 1.  i had a great time, i was happy, but i came home, got online, and lost, and it put me back in funk. i couldn’t sleep, my mind was taunting me and telling me how much i suck, how i should just give up, etc etc.  my mind is a real dick.   since i wasn’t sleeping, i decided to read to perhaps get me to sleep, and i started reading “the art of learning” by josh bobby ficher whatever-his-last-name-is. good book, i’ll talk about it in another post when i’m done with it.

it got me thinking. what the hell am i doing? why am i frustrated? why am i letting a fucking game, a GAME, something that is not important in the least and means nothing, ruin my life? why am i blogging about it?  stupid blog is just a spotlight on what a failure i am.  what the fuck was i thinking?  fuck the tournament, i’ll go, i’ll lose all my games, and no one will hear from me again.  everyone can say “i knew he wouldn’t last.” screw it all.

i started playing chess a few months ago, i decided i would set a goal and try to become a rated master.  it’s been less than a year, i’ve been in one tournament, and i guess, since i haven’t reached a rating of 1700 yet, with one tournament down and a few months of chess under my belt, i feel like a failure. how fucked up am i?

i started the blog to hold my hand to the fire. i knew if i set a goal, and no one knew about it, then i could easily just say “fuck it” and move on. but if i made it public, then i would force myself to finish my goal. also, this blog is a record for me, it’s so i can chart my progress and go back to it. why online, why not in a notebook? i also keep a notebook, but i did it online because i guess there is that bit of exhibitionist in me, and i wanted feedback from other chessplayers, and, well, i like being part of something big. chess is big.

but then part of me thinks, if i don’t attain the level of master RIGHT NOW, the crap i spew on my blog isn’t worth anything. if i had a decent rating, then i would be taken somewhat seriously (not that i am really serious about anything, but, um….yeah….).

so the book. it pointed out what one of my problems is. i am a bad learner. things in life generally came easy to me, so i didn’t have to work at most stuff. so now, as an adult, if i come across some difficulty, i immediately think “well, i am just not cut out for this, its not meant for me, fuck it i should quit.” and this is exactly how i think. and that is wrong. other people who realise succsess in things comes from work, when faced with failure or difficulty, see it as “ok, i can’t do this, so now i must figure it out, work, study, and then i will be able to.” they realize success comes from expended energy.

it’s been written that anyone can attain a rating of master in about 5 years, with concentrated and focused study and hard work and possibly going to the crossroads in the south and selling your soul. it’s a matter of time and effort. i have to constantly remember that. i have to see my failures as indicators of what i need to work on to improve, arrows pointing me where i need to put forth some effort.

this blog right here, this is a place where i can write not just my numerous and unending series of failures and my occasional and rarer than an accordian playing unicorn successes, but a log of training, a record of milestones, and the random chess crap i think about. this blog, while on the internet and for public consumption, is ultimately for me. again, i also keep a notebook, but i write publically not just for others, but for me. making it public forces me to get better. that means that, while i usually write knowing others are reading, i will also write stuff just for me, that might not be relevant or interesting to anyone. for example…

got back from the gym yesterday, took a nap, and had a pretty fucked up dream. i think it was me in the dream, but i was watching a movie or something. and morgan freeman, who plays god in evan almighty and bruce almighty, was also god in my dream. and god said to the main character/me - “dude, you are playing too much chess and ignoring the rest of life. it’s an unhealthy obsession” and charles nelson riley was also in the dream, playing chess against me/main character. and the character/me was in an airport or something and ignored the flight to play chess with some guy. fucked up dream, yeah, but i am now dreaming of chess, and my dreams are telling me i am overdoing it. at least charles nelson riley understands….

but back to whatever the fuck i’m talking about now, cause really, i don’t even know anymore.

i want HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY to be an attitude, a mindset. i want it to be a funny blog, an interesting blog, a useful to others blog, a not so serious blog. and the same for the mindset. i’d like it to entertain others, but others must realize the blog here is for me to orgainze thoughts, get shit out of my head, keep track of my progress. i want it to be a record of my (cue john tesh music) “spiritual journey of self discovery and chess mastery.” ok, no, i don’t think that is exactly it.

i give myself one year. one year to be rated 1600 or better. there better be some damn improvement. if, in one year, i am still sucking at the level of suck i am at now, then i will say, with all my heart, “fuck it, i quit.”

i know what i need to do to improve. i know *what* i need to learn, what i don’t know how to do *is* learn. i need to learn how to learn. and i also need to learn how to play queen’s pawn openings. cause i like them.

i apologize for this post. if, for some strange reason, perhaps out of morbid curiosity, you are still reading, i’m sorry you had to read this. but get used to it, it might be like this for a while….

first, tour news. stage 5 was pretty damn exciting, a mountain stage with a sprint finish. saturday the mountains really begin, and the race gets crazy. cancellara maintains the yellow jersey. awesome.

k, so after much drinking and more self loathing than all the gonzo papers and shark hunts combined, and many hours on the chess tactics server, i won a game. really won it. against someone internet rated in the 1800’s. a big ego boost. granted the guy was probably doing other things while playing me or maybe sleepy or whatnot, but i managed to steal a win. i’m proud, damn proud. the game went something like this:

you can cut and paste into the PGN viewer provided to your RIGHT (thanks edwin) if you want to follow along with the 17 quick moves.

4 knights defense, i am black.

1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Bc4 Nf6 4. O-O Bc5 5. d3 O-O
6. Bg5 h6 7. Bh4 d6 8. h3 Ne7 9. Bxf6 gxf6 10. Qd2 Kh7
11. Nh4 Bxh3 12. gxh3 Rg8+ 13. Kh2 Ng6 14. Nf5 Nf4 15. Rg1 Rxg1
16. Kxg1 Qg8+ 17. Ng3 Qxg3+
0-1

standard boring ass opening up to move 5 (i somehow didn’t botch it up), on move 6 he pins the horse so i tickle him with the pawn. he doesn’t take, oh no, and on move 8 he moves h3. ok, i see this and think “i will sac my bishop and take this pawn to open shit up. it WILL happen. so i unpin on move 8 with the other horse. move 9 he DOES take, and i take with the pawn, opening up the g file. good, i want a direct link to his king, and i already planned on taking the h pawn. his queen to d2, i move my king to h7 to guard the pawn, but also to make way for the rook. oh yeah, i’m trembling with excitement. his horse to h4 and BAM MOTHERFUCKER, my bishop for your pawn and an open file. i think it’s a fair trade (i also lose way more games than i win, so there is that).

move 12 i check with the rook, his horse to f5, my horse to f4. this blocks the queen from the mate, and i also want to check with the rook on g2. he puts his rook on g1, and this is what i want. i take it, no thought, knowing it will put his king on g1. it’s over now, i know it. i check with the queen and he tries to block with the horse on g3. if you are following, do you see it? here is a pic, the board is flipped, it’s how i see it, it’s my (black’s) move:

it might be obvious to you all, but not to me, at first. this is where the chess tactics server came into play. i didn’t panic, i realized the pawn was pinned and the horse was mine, free and clear. i took it and white resigned.

it felt good, it felt like how i used to play, i need to feel that and play like that all the damn time. i hope i play like that next weekend.

cancellara is still in the yellow! after hours of a boring race, there was a few moments of excitement as the peleton caught up to the breakaway in the last few hundred meteres and cancellara, who i thought was injured, came out front and won the stage, now ahead 10 seconds. awesome.

click to see full size

before we get to the chess portion of the program….

for those who aren’t watching the tour….cancellara STILL has the yellow! freaking amazing, considering the huge crash yesterday at the end, and him limping in with what looked like a shoulder injury. finish was crazy, boonen couldn’t outride his lead out, and the lead out couldn’t slow down with all the heat on his heels, so the lead out won the stage, and boonen took second.

so, today i played for a few hours online, and proceeded to lose nonstop, like i was getting paid for it. i was at that point to where i was realizing i am just not going to ever get it and i need a new hobby, ready to delete the blog and move on with my crappy ass life, when i somehow managed to win. the win was filled with despair and shall be annotated in the style of h.p. lovecraft….

i am black, you can cut and paste and follow along with the pgn viewer over to the left…
1. c4 e5 2. Nc3 Nf6 3. e4 Bc5 4. h3 Nc6 5. Nf3 h6
6. d3 d6 7. Be2 b6 8. O-O Nd4 9. a3 Nxf3+ 10. Bxf3 Nh7
11. Qe2 Ng5 12. Be3 Bxe3 13. Qxe3 Nxh3+ 14. gxh3 Bxh3 15. Bg2 Be6
16. Qg3 g5 17. Bh3 Bxh3 18. Qxh3 Qf6 19. Nd5 Qd8 20. Qf5 c6
21. Nf6+ Kf8 22. Nd7+ Kg7 23. f4 Rg8 24. Kh2 gxf4 25. Rg1+ Kh8
26. Rxg8+ Kxg8 27. Rg1+ Kh8 28. Qxf7 Qh4+ 29. Kg2 Rg8+ 30. Kf1 Qh3+
31. Kf2 Qh2+
0-1

the opening, the english, was an appropos name, as it was dreary, gray and somewhat melancholy like the island that bears it’s name. it reminded me of…but i cannot say, as it will bring back the horrors i endured…

by move 5, although it was an english, it vaguely resembled a 4 knights opening, not that i had much expirience with that one either. on move 8 i move my sad horse to d4, an outpost clearly damned and cursed, although “protected” by a pawn and bishop. for some reason, perhaps in a fit of madness, my opponent chose to simply move a3, which i don’t see a reason for, but madness doesn’t need a reason, does it?

i now have a choice of losing my horse by taking either his cleric, or his steed, and i ponder this for a few pensive moments. i decide, perhaps influenced by some dark hand of the old ones, to take his horse, placing his king in a check as feeble as an old woman on her deathbed. my plan now is to move my horse from f6 to g5, in hopes of…but i can not say, the fear grips me like a cold dead hand… the way was rocky, and made perilous by the threat of the dark bishop, but i was prepared to open the rook’s file if need be.

my horse, arriving at his destination, was not met with force, but indifference, as my opponent moved his dark cleric not to take my horse, but to threaten my own bishop. hope had departed. i send my bishop to his death, and now the dark squares are not just dark, as if filled with some gruesome spectre, but weakened as well, weak like an old woman on her death bed…

another choice, take the light bishop, or the pawn? all reason would say to take the bishop, but, driven by madness and a dark and sinister plan that surely would not work, i took the pawn. for this reason alone it is clear god has turned his back on me, as how could he allow me to make such a foolish decision?

but my plan to move my unholy bishop into the kings territory succeeded. so far. my opponent, enraged with bloodlust, tries to again commit the double cleric murder, but i felt a spectral change in all the air, as if the laws of earth were bowing to greater laws, and retreated my bishop. he moves his queen to threaten my king, i advance a pawn, in hopes of one day opening that file and pinning his mistress with my rook. again, driven by madness, he tries to exchange bishops, and i cannot deny him this time. bishop kills bishop, queen takes revenge and kills bishop, and to this day, if you stand on h3, you can hear dark and loathsome laughing, mixed with such a cry as no man else ever heard, save in the Phlegethon of unrelateable nightmares, as the wind carries the tourtured souls of both clerics who died on that very spot.

as if awakening out of some dark dream, the position bore to my benumbed understanding the unexpected and dreadful knowledge that his horse was able to put me in a series of terrible checks, which i may not have escaped. i move my pawn to c6, but it only enrages the beast, and he repeatedly threatens my sire. he advances his pawn, which gives me a breif moment to trade the places of king and rook, but he moves his king out of the line of fire, over to the h file. i take his pawn on f4, to open the file regardless, he answers with a check and we are both a rook lighter.

my king cowering on h8 as if having looked directly upon the beast itself, his rook brazenly commanding the g file, his bloodthirsty queen taking the pawn and menacing on f7 surely there is no hope.

out of sheer desperation, my queen sallies forth to the h file, putting his king in check, taking some kind of initiative. with nowhere to go, his king blocks his rook, and my rook checks. he declines to take with his queen, and instead moves his king to f1, the move of a soul damned for eternity.

the end is in sight, but i musn’t go on, as the events are too terrible to relive. alas, i must stop now, lest the fear becomes too great and madness takes me whole. i can only say that two moves later, in a fit of utter despair, as one who gazes on the abyss, my opponent resignes his game, and his fate.