hardcore pawnography

actually, i’m heading up north and to the east a bit.

it’s sunday sunday sunday evening. tomorrow, the packers come and pack up my house. this happens all damn week. friday, the movers take my stuff and i and retardo montalban, my pot smoking emo cat drive to our new home in colorado.

once there, i will have to set up the house, get the utilities up and get connected to the intarwebz…then this will be the bloggiest blog ever.

i don’t see how i’m gonna get any chess in this week. no internet chess for sure, maybe if i’m lucky i can get some studying in.

HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY will resume on the 13th of september.

until then, chess it up!

this came from liquid egg product, so i will do it, cause he is cool like the other side of the pillow….

Rules:

1. Post these rules before you give your facts.
2. List 8 random facts about yourself.
3. At the end of your post, choose (tag) 8 people and list their names, linking to them.
4. Leave a comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been tagged.

Eight Random Facts About Me

1.  i really don’t like doing internet quizzes and usually ignore them.

2.  i climbed mt fuji.

3.  i really really really like buster keaton and the marx brothers and have all thier movies.

4.  i am roman catholic.

5.  i have a really low self esteem.

6.  i’ve been to 21 countries and 45 states, including alaska and hawaii

7.  i went to a junior seminary.

8.  i like to watch “the view,” “the ellen degeners show” and other chick talk shows.

i will not tag others directly, i will leave it to the honor system.  the first 8 people to read this MUST (well, please?) leave a comment saying you read this and will do it.

went to the chess club for the last time the other night, saw my friends, played a final game.

i played the grob agaisnt my friend who is super positional and strategical (is that a word?), cause that is my opening du jour, and somehow managed to win. i shouldn’t have, but i did, i got lucky. my queen and bishop came into his castle like his king was shirtless and had a mullet and my queen and bishop were cops on on a cop reality show. it was awesome. why is it i can beat a tournament player rated 1700 but i can’t beat a tournament player rated 1200? how does that happen?
so after my game, i watched my friend and another guy play. as i sat off to the side, i saw tactics that they just plain missed, good solid moves, winning moves. and this isn’t the first time, and this isn’t just me. when i used to play at my last job, we all used to joke about how sitting off to the side, you see everything. when i watch others play, i can see moves so easily, i want to jump out of my skin, stand on the chair, and point and yell “RIGHT THERE, MOVE RIGHT THERE, IT’S OBVIOUS!!!!” when i am playing, i can’t see hanging pieces or obvious threats and i lose like that’s the point of the game.

is it because when you aren’t playing, you aren’t under any pressure? i know when i (oh so briefly) fought, my best fight was when i was tired and i just didn’t care. i was loose, things moved in slow motion, i flowed. when you aren’t playing, you are relaxed, loose, you see everything.

or is it becuase watching a game is most like studying, which you spend more time doing than actually playing, so you are used to “Study vision” and when you watch others, you are in “Study mode.” you are detatched, so you see things, whereas when you are playing, you are involved and get tunnel vision.

when i am playing, sitting in front of the board, i go blind. it’s like a reverse peripheral vision. it’s like seeing in the dark, you can’t look directly at it, there is a blind spot, you have to see the board from the sides of your eyes. damn rods and cones type stuff.
from now on, at tournaments, i will play the game sitting sideways, or if i can, i will sit at the side edge of the board. or i will get up and act like a spectator of my own game.  maybe then i will see the crap i miss when i am sitting and playing….

anyone reading this, have a great weekend…

so i tried out the Grob (thanks Dutch defence for the extra help) after waiting only a few minutes for someone to play a game on world chess live.

i won.  it wasn’t pretty, not even close. did i deserve to win? no. did i play well? no. do i hate when people ask a question and then answer it instead of just saying what they want to tell you? yes.  after the game, in addition to the ubiquitous “gg” i added “weird game” and i got a lol.

for anyone who may not be familair with the grob (and i can’t see why anyone would be) it is 1 g4, followed by 2 h3. i made a mistake right at move 2. i knew i was supposed to go h3, but instead, i moved the bishop to g2 and he took my g pawn right away with his bishop. two moves into it, i’m already fucking it up, down a pawn. oh yeah, this is gonna work out juuuuust fine.i try to develp pieces, get some semblance of structure going. move the bishop out to e7, pinning his knight, he moves his bishop and i trade bishop for knight. i castle long and he advances his a pawn, attacking, of course. his a and b pawns are both on the 4th rank, he has mad space on the queen side, where my king is hiding. i make some feeble tactic attempts, he doesn’t fall for them at all. finally, at move 17 he castles.

i like it when my opponent castles. to me, that means the king is rooted and can’t go anywhere, i know where he is gonna be and i can attack him in his home, like the wolf attacked the three pigs. sadly, i am usually going agianst the stone house, never against the straw house.

anyway, i start my attack, my h pawn moves up to the 5th rank. i move the castle to the g file, since it’s open and the king is there, i can try some tactical stuff. i move my bishop to attack his bishop, hoping he will take and i can take his h pawn with my queen, using the pin on the pawn. nope, he advances his g pawn. well, fuck him then, i take his bishop and he takes mine. he moves his castle to the b file, behind his queen, which is in front of my poor king. i take the a pawn with the knight, figuring i might as well trade off queens and hold on as long as i can before i lose.

for some reason, he takes my knight, and my queen is spared. sweeeeeeet. i have my queen and what i consider tempo. my knight takes the f5 pawn and sets up to take his bishop, so he moves the bishop to attack my queen. at this point, i can sac a castle in hopes of getting the queen in his face, but instead, i check him with the knight then move my queen up for the kill. holy crap, i think i might actually win this. he moves his castle to get my queen out of the way, i move the queen and he takes my knight.
here is the position with white (me) to move:

what would you do?

to find out how i managed to pull a win out of my ass, see the last three moves right here….

1. g4 d5 2. Bg2 Bxg4 3. h3 Bf5 4. Nf3 c6 5. d4 Nf6
6. Nc3 e6 7. Bg5 Be7 8. Bxf6 Bxf6 9. Qd2 a5 10. O-O-O a4
11. a3 b5 12. h4 b4 13. axb4 Qb6 14. e4 dxe4 15. Ng5 Qxb4
16. Ngxe4 Be7 17. Kb1 O-O 18. h5 h6 19. Rhg1 Na6 20. Bh3 g5
21. Bxf5 exf5 22. Ng3 Rab8 23. Nxa4 Qxa4 24. Nxf5 Bb4 25. Nxh6+ Kh7
26. Qxg5 Rg8 27. Qf5+ Kxh6 28. Qxf7 Rbf8 29. Rg6+ Kxh5 30. Qh7#
1-0

so, while in st louis, i got a speeding ticket.  i was doing 60 on the highway.  turns out, it was in a 45 mph workzone.

i called up the court to find out how to settle, they say they can’t settle this type of violation out of court, apparently they don’t have a set amount for this.   i don’t live in missouri, i am not gonna drive back there to pay a ticket.  they didn’t know how to handle it, they referred me to a local prosecuting attorney, i called him, he said to write a letter to the court and see what they want to do.   hmmm…..sounds like they don’t much care about this ticket.  besides, is speeding on a highway really all that much of a crime?

funny thing is, on the actual ticket, my name is wrong, my address is wrong, the drivers license number is correct but the state looks wrong.  also, the court date is set for september 5.  by that time, i will be in colorado with a new colorado license.

so,  i bring up the idea of just getting a new license and moving on, as the state of missouri doesn’t seem to eager to settle this and i don’t care one way or another.  my wife brought up the fact that states talk to each other, and if i fail to appear in court, there will be a warrant for my arrest.  got me thinking….

some day, i get pulled over for running a red light or speeding, there is a warrant for my arrest, i get arrested and put in jail.   i get sent up the river, i’m in lockdown, i’m in some prison somewhere.  i spend my time studying chess, as i’m in the joint, i’m down, i got nothin but time.  one day, in the courtyard, playing chess against some huge rapist murderer, he asks what i’m in for.  i look at him with steely eyes and say “speeding, bitch, wanna make something of it?  now step off.” he admires my moxy and my queen’s pawn opening, he takes me under his wing and teaches me some chess moves.  the other cons warm up to me, they see me playing chess, we play hardcore jail chess, which is, of course, harder and meaner than street chess.

over the years i do my time, i got prison tats, i got that 1,000 yard stare,  i’ve memorized all the games in “the life and games of tal” and i’ve learned everything from the drovetsky books.  and i’m huge and ripped from working out.  i am finally released and i am a bad ass chess juggernaut.

i show up at a tournament, i play in the open section.  people look at me, and i hear them whisper behind my back “he’s an ex con, he’s been in prison, i wonder what he did,” etc etc. the intimidation of playing a toughend ex-con mixed with my well honed chess skills, not to mention the bad ass moves i learned from various criminal geniuses, is too much for the straight laced, law abiding chess club crowd, and i win every game.   my rating shoots up.  i play another tournament, and again, i win every game, chess life does a story on me about how i was a criminal, in prison, and chess helped me rehabilitate.   i become a role model for young rebellious boys, chicks dig the bad boy image and the whole “dangerous ex con” thing gets them excited, they cant help being attracted to me.  the chess community embraces me, and i get to party with all the grandmasters and life is awesome.

and i would owe it all to not paying that ticket.

back home, getting all settled back in.  i’m busy, i have about a week to tie up loose ends and pack stuff up, and then i move to fruita, colorado.

while in st louis i tried to stay strong, i tried to walk the straight and narrow path, but the temptation was too strong, i was weak, i bought more chess books.  i got a book of petrosian’s games, which i like a lot.  i also got a book on the grob opening.  it’s so wierd, i think i will try it.  opening with g4 seems to make no sense,  but leads to a decent middlegame, at least from the examples in the book.

i think i will start playing on ICC.  it seems everyone plays on ICC, and world chess, while i like it, doens’t seem to have as many people playing.  it’s sometimes hard to get a game.

i did have a decent game, some guy openeind with a gedult opening, whatever that is.  i figure he was giving me the center, so i took it.   his first 4 moves were pawn moves, which i remeber reading somewhere is not the best thing.  he had pawns out, i had the center and both knights out.   he moves his bishop out to trade with my knight, which i didn’t see a reason for, and by move 7 i think i have a pretty nice position.  by move 11, i’m all castled and developed, his king is in the center, his pawns are scattered like they were in cancun during the hurricane, and his entire queenside hasn’t moved.   move 15 he tries to attack my knight, which is all up in his shit, but i exploit the pin on the e pawn and defend the knight and remove his f pawn all with one move of my bishop.  i have my pieces out, ready, and the attack has begun.  he moves his king out to threaten my pieces, but my knight and bishop are like han and chewy fucking up the deathstar, creating havoc and mayhem and confusion for a few moves, then i sac han (the bishop) taking out his knight and opening the dark diagonal.   i send in my queen to the final kabosh on him, she moves around like a ninja, threatening, attacking, i love her.   by move 26 its pretty much over, just the formalities of finishing the game.  i am loving the pins i have on the pieces.  the pin on the queen is awesome, and there is a sweet little ballet of checks that end in his mate in three more moves.   the game seemed so easy, it flowed.  i need to be able to do that all the time…i wish i could understand why that worked…

here is the game, i’m black
1. f3 d5 2. c3 e5 3. d4 Nc6 4. e3 Nf6 5. Bb5 Bd6
6. Bxc6+ bxc6 7. dxe5 Bxe5 8. f4 Bd6 9. h3 O-O 10. g4 Re8
11. Nf3 Ba6 12. Nd4 Ne4 13. Nxc6 Qd7 14. Nd4 Ng3 15. Rg1 Bxf4
16. Kf2 Ne4+ 17. Kf3 Bh2 18. Rg2 Ng5+ 19. Kf2 Be5 20. h4 Nh3+
21. Ke1 Bxd4 22. cxd4 Qb5 23. Qf3 Qb4+ 24. Bd2 Qxb2 25. Bc3 Qc1+
26. Qd1 Rxe3+ 27. Re2 Rxe2+ 28. Kf1 Qxd1+ 29. Be1 Rf2#
0-1

been busy getting the kid settled in college here in st louis. i’ve developed my final piece, all i have to do now is castle and i’ll be ready for the endgame….

so, i went on down to the chess scene for the last time….standing around, watching some games, the old russian asked if i wanted to play. we didn’t use a clock, we played, i actually hung in the game for a short while. he smiled and said i am playing better, i thanked him and told him he was playing easy, he laughed and simply said “yes.” the old guy was taking it easy on me, showing me, helping me along, teaching me in his own way, i guess. what a cool guy.

i played some more games. lost em all, except, the first game i lost i asked the guy how i did, he said i was pretty even, had a good position, there was nothing he could see that made me lose, i just lost. he lost his next game, so i played winner, and i was actually winning. i was up on material, i had a winning position, i was giddy and chess drunk, and i was back rank mated. the dude i lost to first time was shocked, wondering what the hell happened. he said i had a winning position and i just didn’t want to win. i explained i have unsurpassed talent at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

the thing is, i almost won a real no shit game against a really strong no fucking around street chess player. i almost had a modicum of street cred and respect. i blew it, but, i almost had it. even though i lost, i felt great. i still feel great as i type this.

afterwards, we went out to eat at a bosnian/serbian pectopah (restaurant. it’s a bit of an inside joke, i call restaurants “pectopahs” cause that is actually syrillic, but people don’t often know that. its aural humor). anway, had some tasty ass cevapi and baklava and as much as i’m semi-vegetarian i enjoyed the hell out of the grilled meat. mmmmm. if you have a chance to eat bosnian/serbian food, do it. especially if you can get it in serbia, where it’s not just awesome, but cheap.
so tomorrow morning i check out of the hotel and drive on back to arizona. i will take any chance i can to come back to st louis. the chess scene here is awesome, the guys here are pretty damn cool, freindly, and know some chess.

i will continue to study and practice and maybe, some day, i’ll come back and play and actually win against one of the stronger guys…

until then, i have the memories….so close….

went to the warped tour yesterday, had a kick ass time. saw some old favorites, like flogging molly, bad religion, tiger army, and saw some new bands like the unseen, the actual, the furious ruds…lots of “the” bands. had a great time, got me all pumped up for some more chess.

i had a HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY sticker on my back, some kids asked about it, i gave them a sticker. i think there is lots of untapped chess resources, and chess should branch out…the warped tour seems, to me, like a perfect venue.

so, in the chess world, there’s an interesting article here about the meaning of deep blue beating kasparov.

tonight i shall return to the st louis bread company for a sound chess beating. my lessons, i am learning down and dirty street chess. those guys are truly hardcore…

still in st louis, still a great chess scene.   every night the people gather to play, and there are some brilliant chess players. 

i’ve played against marko, the russian, and his russian friend.  when he plays me, he plays like he is playing against a child, a slightly retarded child.  and i’m not complaining, i take it as a compliment.  i feel like i am wasting his time, but he is patient, points out my errors, the guy is fantastic.  when he plays against others, he is different, he is a chessplayer.  i watched one amazing game, in about 7 seconds, each player made 5 moves, it was magic.  i blinked and there was a huge pawn chain  and centralized pieces.   i honestly didn’t see it, it just…..happened.   he moves his pieces with all his weight behind him, like they are heavy and he has to use his whole body to push them.  people fuck up and in a thick russian accent he says “oh, present.  thank you for the present” and takes them.  

then there is the guy who plays “lazy,” it was like watching someone who didn’t care, each move was done with apathy, and each move was deadly.  the guy almost looked bored, like he was falling asleep, the guy was amazing.  he moved gracefully, languid. 

i played against steve, a super friendly guy, i played pretty shittily against him, i was embarrased.  i played another guy, had a decent position against him and fucked it all up at the end.  i clearly didn’t know what i was doing. 

but losing has never been such fun.  i think i would move to st louis just to play chess every night with these guys.   i feel like i’m wasting thier time, but they are nice about it.   i play against them, then they kind of shuffle me off to the lower players, people more my level.  i won two games last night, actually played pretty well.  tonight was all losses, but fun losses, i think i learned some things.   i watched a guy play some crazy ass french opening, winning a bishop in about 6 moves.  cool stuff. 

tomorrow i’m going to the warped tour, so i wont get any chess in, but wednesday i’ll get some in.  i look forward to it.  i think i might be actually getting a bit better, i know if i lived here and played against these guys every night, i coudln’t help but improve.   i’m so glad i get to play here, i hope my new home in colorado has a scene like this….

reassembler tagged me a while ago, however, being the “ignorant of all that is around me” kinda guy, i didn’t realize this until yesterday. and so, a week and some later, here are the answers…

1. How long have you been playing chess? Have you played it consistently since you started, or were there lulls in your play? How did these lulls affect your performance?

i have been aware of chess since the 5th grade or so.  i’ve played it, on and off,  without paying attention to what i was doing since then.  i went for years without playing a single game of chess, then i started playing online a few years ago, usually something to do to pass the time, not caring if i won, just moving pieces.  i didn’t know tactics existed, i didn’t know why i lost all the time.  i knew i should open with 1. e4 and that was as far as i got.  a few months ago i made a concious effort to learn chess and play correctly, so, to me, i’ve only been playing chess for a few months. 

2. Aside from playing games, what is your primary mode of training?

like just about everyone else, i use the chess tactics server.  i play through master games and i read all the “chess move by move explained” types of books.   i drink a lot, to help me get used to playing with a fuzzy mind, so fatigue doesn’t affect me as much. 

3. What is the single most helpful method of improvement that you have ever used?

actually paying attention to whatever chess book i’m reading.  a close second would be using the CCTC method of playing as described by  dutch defense. 

4. What is your favorite opening to play as white? As black against e4? As black against d4?

as white i now play 1d4 and take it from there.  this way i dont’ have to deal with the sicilian, and all the master games start that way and they are what i’m using to learn.  against 1. e4, i usually manage to get my knight and bishop forked, lulling my opponent into a false sense of security before i launch a premature attack, sacing pieces and getting mated in under 20 moves.  against 1. d4 i usually lose playing the gruenfeld.  EDIT: against 1 d4 i am now playing the french.  i seem to have decent game with that, and the cool thing about the french is, even if white plays all the moves correctly, he can still lose…

5. Who is your favorite chess player and why?

any chess player i can beat, because they make me feel good. 

6. What is your favorite chess book?

hmmmm.  i’d have to say underhanded chess by sohl.

7. What book would you recommend for a friend who knows only the rules of chess?

i would reccomment the chess artist by j.c. hallman.  it would incite the novice to dedicate his life to chess and start a blog and spend tons of money on books to learn and play in tournaments.  as far as chess instruction, i would reccomment reading every novice nook article, they are way better for a beginner than any one book.

8. Do you play in in-person tournaments? What is your favorite tournament experience?

my favorite tournament experience is every time i won a game at a tournament.  and meeting wang.
9. Please give us a link to what you consider your best two blog posts (on your own blog).

i would say i’m just like tal, only i lose and chessloser knows what time it is based off of comments. 

10. What proportion of total chess time should be spent studying openings for someone at your level?

more than the time i spend now. 

to keep this train rolling, i don’t think pawn shaman has been tagged yet, not that i can remember anyway. so i tag him, and frankly, anyone who reads this and hasn’t been tagged yet. blue devil knight had a great idea with this and i think every chess blogger should partake.

so i got an email from a local st louis chess player, i checked online, and i spent my friday night at the st louis bread company (panera everywhere else) getting my ass kicked in chess by various people.

thing is, as i’m reletively new to the whole chess scene, and i can only assume there are local customs and such and this is my first time in st louis, i didn’t know how to go about getting a game. do i set up and wait for someone? do i ask to play? what’s the protocol for public chess?

i asked if someone wanted to play, they said no. then i asked a guy going through a game, he said ok and we played two games. that was roger, a cool guy. he beat me, we went over one of his games, then we settled on a draw, but i think he had me. playing him was fun, no clock, we talked about the game or whatever while we played. first game i blundered my queen like a kid who never played chess before, i wasn’t paying attention and he destroyed me. second game we were down to a rook and pawn each, he offered the draw, i took it. i think he had me though. i really enjoyed playing him, and later that night, as he left, he stopped by to say good night. cool guy.

then i tried to get in on a game with these college kids, they were stonewalling me a bit. i am an outsider, i asked if i could play, they didn’t say no, but they didn’t let me in either. was i breaking some kind of unspoken chess rule? i didn’t know, so i moved on and watched some other guys play, hoping to get in on a game. finally, watching some other guys play, i asked a dude if he wanted to play and he said yes and we played. his name was iman (not sure of the spelling) and he blitzed the shit out of me. i technically won, because he made an illegal move, but really, i lost. he was super freindly and played a great game. while we were playing, an old guy watched and he had next game. he was russian, named marko. i could tell by his russian accent i had a better chance of being the first black japanese woman on the moon than coming close to beating him. first game he was easy on me and i lasted almost the full 5 minutes. second game he was on me like a white tiger on roy in las vegas. i know every time you lose you learn, by those standards, i should be the smartest guy in the universe. while watching a game between iman and marko, a kid came up to me and asked if i wanted to play. we played two games, he openend with e4 and i lost, then i opened with d4 and won.

overall i had a great time, the chess scene in st louis ROCKS. i am quite envious. turns out they play at that place almost every night. and there is some serious no fucking around chess going on. some beautiful chess. i could have stayed there all night playing, i had such a great time. i’m going tomorrow night, i’m hoping to get my ass kicked by marko some more. i should pay him for the “lessons” he is “teaching” me.

if you are ever ever ever anywhere near st louis, go to university city on delmar avenue and play some chess. it’s the place to be.

oh, i see i’ve been tagged.  answers coming soon.

i’m heading out to st louis tomorrow, taking my kid to college. yay, road trip! while there, i am going to try to play some chess with the local chess club. i noticed on the intarwebz they meet at the st. louis bread company in university city. if, in the slim chance anyone from st louis is reading this, hit me up with an email or leave a comment. i’m hoping to meet some chess players, make some friends, have a good time.

so i’ll take my chess set and some books with me to study. i was thinking about how i study, not what, but how. just like bruce lee said in enter the dragon when he was teaching that kid…”concentrate…feel it…. ” lee was talking about mindfullness, being in the moment while training, not just going through the motions. when i play through master’s games, i shouldn’t just move the pieces, i need to move them with a mindfullness, paying attention to the influence they exert, i should feel how the pieces move. sounds a bit touchy-feely and all, but i notice when i really really am present when i study, it sticks more and i get a better understanding. this sounds like i’m riding the “duh!” train, but i think a lot of folks study a lot of things without mindfullness. at least, i do.

so now i have to pack clothes, pack up the car, do some last minute crap around the house, and get ready for the drive out to missouri. should take two days with a stop in amarillo texas. if we have time on the way back, i’d like to stop in mclean texas and see the barbed wire museum. cause i’m like that.
a quick note: going through my spam comments, i found a good one from soapstone. i will never delete or disapprove a comment, even if it’s how much i suck and how much you hate me, as long as it’s not spam. so if you have tried to comment and can’t, please, try again. along similar lines, if you’ve tried to email me and i’ve not replied, i’m not ignoring you, it may have gotten put in with the spam filter. please try again.

chess, while my current obsession, is not my only interest. i also love cycling and mixed martial arts (MMA). where josh waitzkin went from chess champion to marital arts champion, i’ve gone from crappy enthusiast fighter (while living in japan i got into fighting) to crappy enthusiast chess player.

so last night i was watching the tv show TAPOUT about the clothing line that sponsors fighters, and it got me thinking “what if i mixed ideas from that and from cycling and applied those ideas to chess?”

i am going to make a HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY t shirt to wear to tournaments. i already give out stickers to anyone who wants them and many who don’t. well, what if i branded that, and started my own HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY team? and i could kinda be like the guys from TAPOUT and drive around looking for bad ass chess players and put them in the HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY stable. then, using methods from cycling, the chessplayers would train with super expensive high tech stuff. for example, they would play chess in a wind tunnel, so we could tweak their chess playing stance and get them as aerodynamic as possible to shave off time, preventing any time trouble errors and such. we would have carbon fiber chess sets, we would train in the mountains of france, it would be awesome. and during tournaments, they would wear a HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY jersey, all skin tight with pockets in the back to store packets of GU and a water bottle. and perhaps they would play chess with a bicycle helmet and a mouthguard. that would rock.

so i entered the 2007 western states open in reno, nevada. i really gave some thought as to what section to play in. i’m rated 1142, but i think i can play better. but since there is a large amount of money involved and this is a pretty big tournament, i would expect a number of sandbaggers playing. all things considered, i entered in the D section, 1200-1399. i figure this way i can play better people, if i can win three games my rating will jump, and overall, if i can win any i’ll be happy. i’ve beaten legitamate 1700’s before, why cant i win against some 1300s, or if they are sandbagging, some 1500s? i am not expecting to win the whole section (it would be pretty sweet if i did, i’m gonna try to) but i am not expecting to lose all my games either. then again, no matter what, i’m playing in reno, so i’ll have a blast no matter what.

i really want to play a game wearing a HUGE afro wig and a mouthguard.

thanks to wahrheit, i found where my current stats are, i’m now provisionally rated 1144, up 20 lousy points. but at least i didn’t go down, so there is that. all that’s gonna change after october when i play in the reno tournament, THEN my rating will change big. probably for the worse…

if i were a grandmaster, i would have cool posters of me like the old time magicians used to have. for example…

or

or

but i would have it where i am playing the devil in chess, like “carter beats the devil.”  i would be slightly more theatrical, which would get me into mainstream media, which would call attention to the coolness of chess, and more kids would think “damn, chess is cool, i wanna play.”  and of course, the ladies would be all swooning and my hotel room at tournaments would be one huge party.  i’d trash it like a rockstar, and it would be in the news and people would start coming to tournaments to see the spectacle.

i don’t know, maybe most chess players wouldn’t like that, or see it as hurting chess, but that is not the intention.  i would want to spark some kids  imagination and enthusiasm and maybe he will study and become a super bad ass ultra grandmaster, and that would be awesome.

i also think there should be chess grandmaster action figures, and they come with cool accessories and a little booklet about them, for example  there could be a tal action figure who comes with a chess set and a bottle of booze.

and, if you don’t want action figures, how about grand master pez dispensers.  they have superhero pez dispensers, simpsons, holiday, star wars, why not chess grandmasters?  who wouldn’t want to eat pez out of the neck of bobby fischer? (that was for dutch defense).

it’s friday, last day of chess camp.  i gotta go solve some tactical problems for today.

anyone reading this, thanks for taking the time to read my crap and have a great weekend.

i checked online for my new rating, still not posted. what the fuck? here is my idea, i was thinking of writing a letter to GM Polgar about it, as she is the new president and can make changes ( i assume, i really don’t know). we live in a technologically advanced kinda place, we need to use that technology to our benefit. there should be one or two main servers at CHESS HEADQUARTERS that has everyone’s ratings. when there is a certified tournament, the TDs get a “password” that expires the day after the last day of the tournament. the password allows them to enter current ratings of players and game results. when you are done with your game, you go to the td, turn in your scoresheet, they enter it into the computer, and BAM, using a simple program like microsoft excel, the new ratings automatically are calculated. on the spot. instant gratification, the american way.

if i could change one thing, i would make new ratings be available at the tournament.

so anyway, although last night was rainy and crappy i was in a really good mood from having tons of fun at chess camp, so i popped on by the library for chess club, i was feeling frisky and ready to throw down. the only people who showed last night were

grandpa simpson

the granny from the hillbillies

and me

.

they were playing a game when i got there, they are both really nice folks, especially granny, she is a tough lady. they both missed about 2,067 tactics each, but he eventually had her down to almost nothing, he was up three pieces. then, with only a queen, she managed to calmly assasinate piece by piece, like the lovechild of tal and a ninja, forking left and right.  she left him naked and freezing with only his king and he had to resign. it was pretty awesome. after their game, they asked if i wanted to play, i had played them both, and not to sound rude or too full of myself, i just didn’t want to play against someone weaker. god that sounds so pretentious and concieted, but there it is. i had played both of them before, and i had merciliessly beaten both of them before, and they were better paired with each other. besides, all i could think about was them “hooking up” after the game (if i were him, i’d be all like “hey baby, maybe you could come back to my place for some geritol and fork me some more) and i didn’t want to be the third wheel or cockblock him.  so i wished them a good evening and went home to study opening traps.

i leave today with the two games i saved from Krapalov. they weren’t his best, the really really good one was against some guy named “Incredible turk.” these are ok, but not his best.

[Event "WCL"]
[Site "World Chess Live"]
[Date "2007.08.02"]
[White "Krapalov"]
[Black "parkway56"]
[Result "1-0"]
[WhiteElo "UNR"]
[BlackElo "1848"]
[TimeControl "0+0"]

1. e4 c5 2. Nc3 Nc6 3. Nge2 g6 4. d4 cxd4 5. Nxd4 Bg7
6. Be3 Nf6 7. Nxc6 bxc6 8. e5 Ng8 9. Bf4 h5 10. Bc4 Nh6
11. O-O O-O 12. Qd3 Nf5 13. Qf3 Qa5 14. Rfe1 Ba6 15. b4 Qb6
16. Bxa6 Qxa6 17. Rad1 Rad8 18. Ne4 Qxa2 19. c3 Qc4 20. Ra1 a6
21. Nc5 d6 22. Re4 Qd5 23. c4 Qxe4 24. Nxe4 dxe5 25. Be3 Rd3
26. Nc5 Rc3 27. Nd7 Rd8 28. Nb6 Nd4 29. Qe4 Nc2 30. Rb1 Nxb4
31. Na4 Rcd3 32. Nb2 R3d6 33. c5 Rd5 34. Qxb4 e4 35. Kf1 Be5
36. Qb7
1-0

[Event "WCL"]
[Site "World Chess Live"]
[Date "2007.08.02"]
[White "parkway56"]
[Black "Krapalov"]
[Result "0-1"]
[WhiteElo "1848"]
[BlackElo "UNR"]
[TimeControl "0+0"]

1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 d5 3. d4 dxe4 4. Nxe5 Bd6 5. Bc4 Bxe5
6. dxe5 Qxd1+ 7. Kxd1 c6 8. c3 b5 9. Be2 Nd7 10. Be3 Nxe5
11. Kc2 Bg4 12. Bxg4 Nxg4 13. Na3 Ne7 14. Rae1 Nxe3+ 15. Rxe3 f5
16. f3 Nd5 17. Re2 Nf4 18. Re3 Nxg2 19. Re2 Nf4 20. Re3 Nd5
21. Re2 Nf6 22. fxe4 Nxe4 23. Rf1 O-O
0-1