hardcore pawnography

went to the chess club for the last time the other night, saw my friends, played a final game.

i played the grob agaisnt my friend who is super positional and strategical (is that a word?), cause that is my opening du jour, and somehow managed to win. i shouldn’t have, but i did, i got lucky. my queen and bishop came into his castle like his king was shirtless and had a mullet and my queen and bishop were cops on on a cop reality show. it was awesome. why is it i can beat a tournament player rated 1700 but i can’t beat a tournament player rated 1200? how does that happen?
so after my game, i watched my friend and another guy play. as i sat off to the side, i saw tactics that they just plain missed, good solid moves, winning moves. and this isn’t the first time, and this isn’t just me. when i used to play at my last job, we all used to joke about how sitting off to the side, you see everything. when i watch others play, i can see moves so easily, i want to jump out of my skin, stand on the chair, and point and yell “RIGHT THERE, MOVE RIGHT THERE, IT’S OBVIOUS!!!!” when i am playing, i can’t see hanging pieces or obvious threats and i lose like that’s the point of the game.

is it because when you aren’t playing, you aren’t under any pressure? i know when i (oh so briefly) fought, my best fight was when i was tired and i just didn’t care. i was loose, things moved in slow motion, i flowed. when you aren’t playing, you are relaxed, loose, you see everything.

or is it becuase watching a game is most like studying, which you spend more time doing than actually playing, so you are used to “Study vision” and when you watch others, you are in “Study mode.” you are detatched, so you see things, whereas when you are playing, you are involved and get tunnel vision.

when i am playing, sitting in front of the board, i go blind. it’s like a reverse peripheral vision. it’s like seeing in the dark, you can’t look directly at it, there is a blind spot, you have to see the board from the sides of your eyes. damn rods and cones type stuff.
from now on, at tournaments, i will play the game sitting sideways, or if i can, i will sit at the side edge of the board. or i will get up and act like a spectator of my own game.  maybe then i will see the crap i miss when i am sitting and playing….

anyone reading this, have a great weekend…

so, while in st louis, i got a speeding ticket.  i was doing 60 on the highway.  turns out, it was in a 45 mph workzone.

i called up the court to find out how to settle, they say they can’t settle this type of violation out of court, apparently they don’t have a set amount for this.   i don’t live in missouri, i am not gonna drive back there to pay a ticket.  they didn’t know how to handle it, they referred me to a local prosecuting attorney, i called him, he said to write a letter to the court and see what they want to do.   hmmm…..sounds like they don’t much care about this ticket.  besides, is speeding on a highway really all that much of a crime?

funny thing is, on the actual ticket, my name is wrong, my address is wrong, the drivers license number is correct but the state looks wrong.  also, the court date is set for september 5.  by that time, i will be in colorado with a new colorado license.

so,  i bring up the idea of just getting a new license and moving on, as the state of missouri doesn’t seem to eager to settle this and i don’t care one way or another.  my wife brought up the fact that states talk to each other, and if i fail to appear in court, there will be a warrant for my arrest.  got me thinking….

some day, i get pulled over for running a red light or speeding, there is a warrant for my arrest, i get arrested and put in jail.   i get sent up the river, i’m in lockdown, i’m in some prison somewhere.  i spend my time studying chess, as i’m in the joint, i’m down, i got nothin but time.  one day, in the courtyard, playing chess against some huge rapist murderer, he asks what i’m in for.  i look at him with steely eyes and say “speeding, bitch, wanna make something of it?  now step off.” he admires my moxy and my queen’s pawn opening, he takes me under his wing and teaches me some chess moves.  the other cons warm up to me, they see me playing chess, we play hardcore jail chess, which is, of course, harder and meaner than street chess.

over the years i do my time, i got prison tats, i got that 1,000 yard stare,  i’ve memorized all the games in “the life and games of tal” and i’ve learned everything from the drovetsky books.  and i’m huge and ripped from working out.  i am finally released and i am a bad ass chess juggernaut.

i show up at a tournament, i play in the open section.  people look at me, and i hear them whisper behind my back “he’s an ex con, he’s been in prison, i wonder what he did,” etc etc. the intimidation of playing a toughend ex-con mixed with my well honed chess skills, not to mention the bad ass moves i learned from various criminal geniuses, is too much for the straight laced, law abiding chess club crowd, and i win every game.   my rating shoots up.  i play another tournament, and again, i win every game, chess life does a story on me about how i was a criminal, in prison, and chess helped me rehabilitate.   i become a role model for young rebellious boys, chicks dig the bad boy image and the whole “dangerous ex con” thing gets them excited, they cant help being attracted to me.  the chess community embraces me, and i get to party with all the grandmasters and life is awesome.

and i would owe it all to not paying that ticket.

still in st louis, still a great chess scene.   every night the people gather to play, and there are some brilliant chess players. 

i’ve played against marko, the russian, and his russian friend.  when he plays me, he plays like he is playing against a child, a slightly retarded child.  and i’m not complaining, i take it as a compliment.  i feel like i am wasting his time, but he is patient, points out my errors, the guy is fantastic.  when he plays against others, he is different, he is a chessplayer.  i watched one amazing game, in about 7 seconds, each player made 5 moves, it was magic.  i blinked and there was a huge pawn chain  and centralized pieces.   i honestly didn’t see it, it just…..happened.   he moves his pieces with all his weight behind him, like they are heavy and he has to use his whole body to push them.  people fuck up and in a thick russian accent he says “oh, present.  thank you for the present” and takes them.  

then there is the guy who plays “lazy,” it was like watching someone who didn’t care, each move was done with apathy, and each move was deadly.  the guy almost looked bored, like he was falling asleep, the guy was amazing.  he moved gracefully, languid. 

i played against steve, a super friendly guy, i played pretty shittily against him, i was embarrased.  i played another guy, had a decent position against him and fucked it all up at the end.  i clearly didn’t know what i was doing. 

but losing has never been such fun.  i think i would move to st louis just to play chess every night with these guys.   i feel like i’m wasting thier time, but they are nice about it.   i play against them, then they kind of shuffle me off to the lower players, people more my level.  i won two games last night, actually played pretty well.  tonight was all losses, but fun losses, i think i learned some things.   i watched a guy play some crazy ass french opening, winning a bishop in about 6 moves.  cool stuff. 

tomorrow i’m going to the warped tour, so i wont get any chess in, but wednesday i’ll get some in.  i look forward to it.  i think i might be actually getting a bit better, i know if i lived here and played against these guys every night, i coudln’t help but improve.   i’m so glad i get to play here, i hope my new home in colorado has a scene like this….

i’m heading out to st louis tomorrow, taking my kid to college. yay, road trip! while there, i am going to try to play some chess with the local chess club. i noticed on the intarwebz they meet at the st. louis bread company in university city. if, in the slim chance anyone from st louis is reading this, hit me up with an email or leave a comment. i’m hoping to meet some chess players, make some friends, have a good time.

so i’ll take my chess set and some books with me to study. i was thinking about how i study, not what, but how. just like bruce lee said in enter the dragon when he was teaching that kid…”concentrate…feel it…. ” lee was talking about mindfullness, being in the moment while training, not just going through the motions. when i play through master’s games, i shouldn’t just move the pieces, i need to move them with a mindfullness, paying attention to the influence they exert, i should feel how the pieces move. sounds a bit touchy-feely and all, but i notice when i really really am present when i study, it sticks more and i get a better understanding. this sounds like i’m riding the “duh!” train, but i think a lot of folks study a lot of things without mindfullness. at least, i do.

so now i have to pack clothes, pack up the car, do some last minute crap around the house, and get ready for the drive out to missouri. should take two days with a stop in amarillo texas. if we have time on the way back, i’d like to stop in mclean texas and see the barbed wire museum. cause i’m like that.
a quick note: going through my spam comments, i found a good one from soapstone. i will never delete or disapprove a comment, even if it’s how much i suck and how much you hate me, as long as it’s not spam. so if you have tried to comment and can’t, please, try again. along similar lines, if you’ve tried to email me and i’ve not replied, i’m not ignoring you, it may have gotten put in with the spam filter. please try again.

thanks to wahrheit, i found where my current stats are, i’m now provisionally rated 1144, up 20 lousy points. but at least i didn’t go down, so there is that. all that’s gonna change after october when i play in the reno tournament, THEN my rating will change big. probably for the worse…

if i were a grandmaster, i would have cool posters of me like the old time magicians used to have. for example…

or

or

but i would have it where i am playing the devil in chess, like “carter beats the devil.”  i would be slightly more theatrical, which would get me into mainstream media, which would call attention to the coolness of chess, and more kids would think “damn, chess is cool, i wanna play.”  and of course, the ladies would be all swooning and my hotel room at tournaments would be one huge party.  i’d trash it like a rockstar, and it would be in the news and people would start coming to tournaments to see the spectacle.

i don’t know, maybe most chess players wouldn’t like that, or see it as hurting chess, but that is not the intention.  i would want to spark some kids  imagination and enthusiasm and maybe he will study and become a super bad ass ultra grandmaster, and that would be awesome.

i also think there should be chess grandmaster action figures, and they come with cool accessories and a little booklet about them, for example  there could be a tal action figure who comes with a chess set and a bottle of booze.

and, if you don’t want action figures, how about grand master pez dispensers.  they have superhero pez dispensers, simpsons, holiday, star wars, why not chess grandmasters?  who wouldn’t want to eat pez out of the neck of bobby fischer? (that was for dutch defense).

it’s friday, last day of chess camp.  i gotta go solve some tactical problems for today.

anyone reading this, thanks for taking the time to read my crap and have a great weekend.