ya know why ghouls always hang out with demons?
cause demons are a ghouls best friend!
i’m sure all the ghosts and goblins are going to play the HALLOWEEN GAMBIT, i thought about playing only it for halloween, but i decided not to, there are too many moves to get to the gambit part.
so instead, i will just celebrate as i always do. put up the halloween tree, hide razor blades in the pawns, sing halloween carols, and eat lots of candy.
happy halloween to anyone reading this.
chessloser industries announced today it plans on unveiling a prototype “chess shirt” at the next tournament.
CEO, founder, and only member of chessloser industries, chessloser, said he should be ready with his prototype shirt by the next tournament, and if public reaction is positive, production will begin in earnest by january 2008.
“i realized other sports and lifestyles have specialized clothing, it’s about time chess did as well. there is the GPS jacket for climbers, snowboarders have snowboarding pants and jackets and cool backpacks, mountain bikers have cool shorts with chamois lining and extra pockets and such, i think chess players need sport specific clothing as well,” said the (relatively) young (compared to, say, a 90 year old), rather swanky yet low rated and pretty crappy chess player.
the “chess shirt” is is made of micro fibers that automatically adjust to temperature, so when you are playing in a tournament hall that starts out cold, then gets really hot with all the bodies thinking and sweating, you remain comfortable. the fibers also wick away sweat, keeping you dry, and have anti-bacterial properties that cancel out body odor. this way, you don’t’ have to waste time showering. why spend one moment naked and wet when you could be brushing up on that obscure line of the alapin counter gambit?
the shirt comes with a plug-in that attaches to your clock and has a wireless transmitter. this way, when your opponent hits his clock, a small gentle vibration comes on for 5 seconds, alerting you to it being your move. so if you are playing an opponent who waits for you to get up to go to the bathroom and then moves so you waste time, or if you like to roam around and see how your friends are doing or just go to the bathroom, you know the second your clock starts ticking.
it also comes with a pocket for an mp3 player, a pen/pencil pocket on the sleeve, and a lined pocket to keep food such as cheese dip for nachos or peanut butter to snack on while you play. the suit also has a built in camelback reservoir and drinking tube, so you don’t have to get up to get a drink. (the built in camelback removes easily for cleaning, if you were to drink something other than water). there will also be an advanced model shirt that emits a signal jammer, to prevent any cheating by your opponent. one other possible option would be a special pen that hooks to the shirt. it records the moves you write down on your pad, then back in your room, you can download the moves directly from the shirt to your computer to start analyzing your game.
there are plans for additional attachments, such as a laminated chess record book that can be used in the rain and wet climates, and keeps your moves unsmudged if you spill coffee or water on it. the book will also be able to download moves into your computer for quick analyzing.
everyone seems to like the sicilian as black. so i’m giving it a try.
been looking at karpov’s games, looking at the pin variation of the sicilan. i haven’t quite got it down yet, but today i managed a win with it, so i will take that as a sign from god that i should play this as black and forsake (for the time being) the french defense. (and after i bought that damn french defense book, started wearing a beret, loudly proclaimed “mon dieu” and “sacre bleu” every chance i got, and almost changed my name to pierre).
it’s a pretty cool win, especially since the guy was (internet) rated 1891. i actually didn’t play the opening correctly, but it worked out still. here is the game. I’m black.
1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 e6 3. d4 cxd4 4. Nxd4 Nc6 (i should have played Nf6 here) 5. Nc3 Nf6 (i should have played Bb4 here, providing the “pin” part of the pin variation)6. Be3 Bb4 (i’m a move behind) 7. Bd3 e5 8. Nxc6 dxc6 9. O-O Ng4 10. Bd2 Bc5
11. h3 h5 (i love this. i really really love this move. i will sac my knight to open the file and sometimes, it even works). 12. Na4 Bd4 13. c3 Bb6 14. Nxb6 axb6 15. hxg4 hxg4 (Yes! about damn time he took. i was waiting and hoping, and he did it.) 6. Qe2 Qh4 (that’s right, see it? see your death? it’s coming for you. 17. f4 (nice try, too late) g3
0-1
so that brightened up my day a bit. that karpov guy, i can’t quite “get” him. i’m trying to learn his style, but i don’t see it. he just makes simple, direct moves. nothing fancy, nothing wacky, almost boring moves. and then he wins. it’s like, pure distilled chess. it’s so simple, i can’t seem to emulate it. i would have to just “know” exactly where each piece would be best in every situation. i’m right now hoping to just copy his moves and learn what goes where by that.
as far as this whole chess blogging thing goes…i have a post in mind, i’ve wanted to post it for a while now, but i can’t seem to get it written down correctly. sometimes i think i’ve gotten too serious about chess blogging, so i am going to return to the more absurd, nonsense type blogging that i had when i started.
this is a mystery not even encyclopedia brown teamed up with scooby doo can solve. since i’ve started really studying chess, it appears i’ve gotten worse. how can that be?
i’ve learned a few moves in a few openings, i’ve learned some principles and tactics, for a while there, i was getting better, improving, and now, it seems, i can’t do anything right. i am losing left and right on ICC, and the only thing i’m doing differently is trying to play the chess i’m studying.
am i over thinking it? did i not learn correctly, did i misunderstand the stuff i was studying and learn the wrong things, am i just not applying what i’ve learned correctly?
apparently, the cia, nsa, kgb, and the illuminati all found my blog and realized i was on the road to total world chess domination, and they knew they had to stop me. let’s face it, whoever rules the chess world rules the world. when you are at the top of the chess world, all the chicks want you, which is half the world population. leaders of smaller countries will send you money and gifts in hopes that you will visit their countries, and make their country a “must go to spot” just because you’ve been there, which increases their income etc etc. then there are the bazillion’s of dollars in books, movies, posters, a clothing line, a fragrance line, a kitchenware and knife set, spots on talk shows, etc etc. i was a threat to them, and they knew it.
seeing as they are all powerful and connected, they tracked me and watched what i was doing. when i would order books, they intercepted the order, quickly printed up books with completely erroneous information, and sent the doctored books to me, so i would learn the wrong way of doing things. this is obviously what has happened.
another part of it is my brain, sometimes, feels so overloaded, like when you mix all the colors and it comes out brown. suddenly, the clear lines of the bishop and rook and the “L” of the knight all melt into a big deformed ball, like a bunch of plastic army men melted so you can see a bazooka here and a hand clutching a grenade there but you can’t make out anything really.
frustrating. does this happen to everyone? why does it seem i’m getting worse the more i study? i know that i know more than i did a few months ago, what is going on?
i got nothing today. same ol’ same ol’…
but if you check out
THIS FROM GRANDPATZER…it will be well worth your time.
if i had a rock band, we would be called “mighty robot penis” and our first album would be called “pissbottles on the side of the highway.” this doesnt’ really mean anything, but it’s been in my head for a few days now, so i figured i would excercise those demons by typing them out of my head and releasing them into the internet.
it’s monday, start of a new week, and so it’s the start of my new honest, no shit, whole hearted dedication to chess mastery. really, i mean it this time.
i went for a quick run this morning, less than 2 miles, just enough to get the blood moving. last night i got out school of chess excellence 3: strategic play by mark dvoretsky. i am going to take it slow, go over the examples, really examine and study what he is saying. the book may take me a few months until i finish it, but that is ok. i’m not gonna rush it, i’m really going to absorb the information. i want to be able to look at a position and rightly determine what is strong, what is weak, and where my pieces would be most effective.
so we submitted our new schedules for next month at work. i have nov 17 and 18 off, because i will be going to the boulder grand prix tournament, boulder colorado. i ain’t fucking around either.
and that’s my monday….
they both went down. after my reno debacle, i am now a 1080. that is lower than my first ever rating after my first ever tournament. gaaaaahhhhdammmit!!! so i feverishly looked at chesslife, to see what tournaments are happening quick, gotta bring my stats up, stat!
there is a one day tournament in utah on october 27, 5 rounds, 30 minutes each, which is perfect for me (i’m more a sprinter than a long distance runner) and i would be playing in the U1200 so i would destroy. only problem is, i’m working that day. if i can find someone to trade shifts with me, i’ll go. there is also a two day tournament in november in boulder, colorado, which would be good. i don’t know if i’ll have to work then, i will try to not work.
i dont’ know if it’s normal, but i haven’t really looked at chess since i got back from the tournament. i’ve played a few games on ICC (won the games, except one cockbite was losing and managed to draw by repetition) but for the most part, i’ve been “not-chessing.”
it’s saturday, i’m gonna ride my bike and go to work.
so i finished king’s gambit: a son, a father, and the worlds most dangerous game by Paul Hoffman. i liked it. while dealing with his own issues, hoffman goes around the chess world, looking into the psychological aspects of chess players, both historical and present. he does on a major scale what i try to do on my minor scale. he hangs out with GMs to get thier story and write about it. he hung out with jennifer shahade and irana krush to get cover the female aspects and views of chess, he hung out with nigel short, the book turns travel narrative when he accompanies Pascal Charbonneau to libya for a chess tournament. the book talks about the seedier side of chess with the paul truong and sam sloan issues. it’s kind of all over, yet he pulls it together somehow. i think it’s written well, it is damn sure interesting, it gives some good historic anecdotes and background, and all with a background of his relationship with his father. and one thing i really enjoyed about it was the footnotes. usually, footnotes are boring, but hoffman’s footnotes are like a second book of little essays, they are filled with interesting info. i liked it, i think chess players will like it, and i think non chess players would enjoy it. definitely worth it. .
as for the second book i will review….
so, at the reno tournament, i was explaining to wahrheit how much i suck, and he recommended the seven deadly chess sins by jonathan rowson. holy crap what a great book. this was one of the best things i got out of the tournament.
when i bought waitzkin’s ode to self “the art of learning” i was expecting a book that would teach me how to learn. the seven deadly chess sins is the book i was apparently looking for. so far, i’ve only read the first 24 pages, and already i’ve learned a bit on how i learn. rowson talks about pattern recognition (listen up all you de la maza freaks) and how, if you see a position but you haven’t encountered it before, you might not retain it, your brain won’t have anything to lump it in with. also, you may have preconceived notions, e.g. “doubled pawns are bad, 2 rooks are better than a queen” etc, that actually prevent you from learning. it’s not the patterns you’re exposed to, it’s the order in which you take them in. it explains, and now i understand, why some books and material are for advanced players. i used to think “this book is for 1700 players, if i read it, i will be like a 1700 player. i’m not stupid, i can understand it.” turns out, that is not entirely true. i now, thanks to the book, understand why.
i’ll write more about that later, but for now, THIS is the book that, so far, talks about “the art of learning.” it’s a great book, i would recommend it to everyone. it’s one of those books that, you read it, learn, and a year later, read it and learn more, etc etc. thanks wahrheit, i will become a better chess player because of this book.
and finally for today, i got an email from a reader of the blog, ray cheng, who sent me a link to a cool site where they make custom boards.
http://www.customchess.com/gallery.htm
cheng got one for a present, and in his words “Hey, I might play chess like a goddamn turnip, but at least my equipment kicks ass.”
that is endorsement enough for me, so i am sharing it with anyone who reads this…
rock on ….
In another pathetic attempt at being a semi-legitimate chess blog, I made an attempt at interviewing a Grand Master. since i wasn’t allowed to play in round three because i suck so much, i spent the time hanging out in my room and walking around watching real people play chess. GM Larry Evans was walking by so i snagged him and he agreed to do the interview with me. he didn’t patronize me, he wasn’t condescending, he was genuine and even remembered me from the night before. he talked with a shiny glint in his eye, but behind that friendly glint i could see a small fire still burning inside him. the guy may be old, but he is spry, charismatic, and still full of energy. i wouldn’t fuck with him. he only had a few minutes, i was so thrilled that he would give me a few minutes i didn’t want to keep him any longer than i had to, so we did the 3 minute blitz interview.
(note: these are the actual questions and answers of the interview. i didn’t make any of this up)
Chessloser: ok, first question. chicken or fish?
GM Evans: that’s the choice? fish.
CL: Do you lose the artistic expression and creativity at higher levels? When you get to the master and grand master level, is it all rote? “in this position, i play here, etc etc”?
GME: There is diminishing artistry, thanks to computers. There was more creativity back in the old days. Every position, after the standard openings, is still as unique as a fingerprint, but computers are taking away the creativity.
CL: Are there any new moves that haven’t been played?
GME: Only from computers. Computers are teaching us now.
CL: You are having a dinner party, not playing chess but just talking and eating. What three chess people, living or dead, would you invite?
GME: Emanuel Lasker for sure. Capablanca for charm. Morphy, because there are a lot of questions i have to ask him.
CL: If someone would only study one chess player, who would you recommend?
GME: That’s a tough question (thinks for a bit) probably Botvinnik. (note: i know i should of asked why botvinnik. i wanted to ask why. but i didn’t want to keep the guy any longer because he was busy, so i decided to forgo actual quality for quantity).
CL: How do you want to be remembered?
GME: As a chess writer who called the shots as he saw ‘em.
CL: How long can you hold your breath?
GME: (laughs) i don’t know, i never timed it.
CL: do you read any chess blogs? what do you think of them?
GME: I read Migs daily dirt. i read Chessville, i like the usenet bulletin boards rec.games.chess.politics and rec.games.chess I also read chessbase.com, but I don’t read the USCF board, it’s censcored.
CL: Thank you for your time, I really appreciate it.
GME: If you play chess as badly as you interview, you need to take up another hobby. (ok, he didn’t say that, but i bet he was thinking it.)
i know this might not tell you too much about the guy, but let me say this: when i first asked him for his time, he was busy, he mentioned he doesn’t usually give interviews, and although he had places to be and things to do, he graciously agreed to sit down with me, *me*, some nobody who he has never heard of or met, with no credentials, for an interview. he treated me with dignity and respect from beginning to end. that right there tells you what kind of man Larry Evans is. anyone can treat a famous, powerful, well connected celebrity with respect, but your true colors show in how you treat an insignificant nobody. GM Evans has walked with Kings, but still hasn’t lost the common touch. He’s a king in my book.
note: i had this all written out, just like i wanted it. at the last second i decided to “tweak” it, and managed to delete it. so i had to quickly re-write it all. motherfucker, that’s how this tournament went. sorry this will suck. the interview with GM larry evens will be posted wednesday.
we headed west on I-70 under cloudless blue skies, hot coffee in the drink holders, various food stuffs in a bag, and social distortion on the cd player. the drive was uneventful, other than spectacular views and the speed limitlessness of nevada’s highway 50, america’s lonliest highway.
i was on my way to my third ever tournament, my first really big major huge tournament. the 25th annual reno sands chess open.
we pulled into downtown reno and were immediately struck by the almost oppressive vibe of broken hearts and lost souls. the sky was an ominous overcast battleship gray. a woman, who could have been a streetwalker 30 years ago, and might still be trying to pull tricks if you judged by her boots and leather pants, walked/stumbled down the street. clearly she had seen better times, as had the guy walking in the other direction, sporting a look of combined animalistic survival and 40 oz numbness. nevada is beautiful, reno is beautiful, downtown off strip casino reno is not as beautiful as it once may have been.
check in was a breeze, the room had a comfy 70’s feel to it. i dropped my bags, wound my way through the ringing and pinging of slot machines to the pre-tournament champagne reception where GM Larry Evans was giving a lecture. the room was filled with slavs, chess freaks, free champagne and a cheese plate. i noticed a distinguished looking guy hanging with a statuesque blond. turns out to be GM Sergey Kudrin and Jennifer Acon. i availed myself of a few glasses of free champagne and listened to GM Evans speak. you may expect a GM to be lecturing on chess, but instead, he was talking about the politics of chess, Kasparov, Truong, Polgar, etc. he also had his new book this crazy world of chess for sale, which i snapped up at the low low price of 10 bucks and which he gladly signed after his talk. i gave him a hardcore pawnography sticker and asked him if he would give me 5 minutes for an interview, he said he would during the time he had to analyze games. (i will post the interview wednesday)
back at the room i discovered internet would cost me 6 bucks an hour. YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!! every hotel in the US offers free internet, and god help them if they don’t. you would think a casino hotel that pulls in such a huge amount of cash might splurge on free internet, at least so the kids can chat and have something to do while mom and dad are losing the kid’s college money throwing dice downstairs. what’s the matter, are they afraid if they offered free internet everyone might be busy looking at porn and not gambling downstairs in the casino? even if half the hotel guests did that, there are enough people in th casino to make up for it. so there will be no internet for me. (note: talking with a chess mom about this, she tells me some people paid and still couldn’t get online. and apparently, the hotels in vegas don’t have free internet either. that’s just clownshit).
i decide to look at some games and go to sleep. first round is tommorow at 1200.
day one
the sky is overcast. i expect to see a raven perched o’er my door. i slept great, which isn’t a good sign. i wasn’t nervous, i wasn’t thinking about the game at all. i am in a dream world, watching myself on a tv screen. it’s surreal. it feels like a soul vampire came last night and sucked out my soul, leaving me an empty husk. i walk down to the tournament area, there aren’t so many kids. this is a different crowd, a bit more serious, a bit more strange. one guy, i can’t tell if he is retarded, or a super genius, or english is his second language. he has a strange speech pattern, like a team of mice are in his brain typing what he needs to say into an old speak-n-spell and the computer is his voice, but has to “start up” before each sentence.
me: hi
him: nnnngggh hello
me: so what section are you playing in?
him: nnnngggh i am playing nnnnnnggh one section up hnnnnnn. i will be nnnnghhhh playing in the “C” section hhhhnnnn.
me: ok, good luck! (exits quickly)
there is an odd vibe. perhaps its the chess tension mixed with the zombies putting coins into the video poker games downstairs, perhaps it’s the gray sky getting to me, but everything seems muted.
round 1
first game, i am white. i decide to start with the grob, i want to have fun dammit. i try to be all excited, i want to play fun, exciting chess. i open with g4 and my opponent, an old guy with a tweed jacket who could play indiana jones’ dad, lets out a groan.
he knows something is up. on move 4 he moves his queen, excellent, he doesn’t know what to do against the grob. each move takes him a few minutes. by move 6 i am bored and don’t want to play anymore. move 10 i lose my knight. mentally i’ve stopped playing. i just don’t feel like playing, i’m not even looking at his moves, i’m just moving pieces. one and a half hours later, on move 55, i finally resign. it took me 16 minutes to make all my moves. here are the moves:
white: chessloser
black: charles falk
1. g4 d5 2. Bg2 Bxg4 3. c4 c6 4. Qb3 Qc7 5. Nc3 e6 6. cxd5 Nd7 7. dxc6 bxc6 8 Nb5 Qb6 9. d4 Rb8 10. a4 cxb5
11. Qg3 Nf6 12. Bc3 Bb4 13. Kf1 O-O 14. d5 Bc5 15. Bxc5 Qxc5 16. h3 Bf5 17 Nf3 Ne4 blah blah blah. on move 55 i resigned. i wasn’t upset, i was apathetic. what the hell is wrong with me? i’ve wanted to play in this damn tournament, i was all excited, and now that i’m here, i am not “present.” perhaps its the weather, i don’t know. we go to the in-n-out burger for lunch, return to the room, and i prepare for round 2 by reading and sleeping.
halfway through the game, i run into GM Walter Brown who played a simul the night before (Francisco Baltier of Tucson, AZ actually beat him!) which went until 4 a.m. “you’re playing?” i ask incredulously. “yeah, i should have taken a bye, but what the hell. i’m taking a bye round 2.” cool guy. he played the first simul 25 years ago at the first reno tournament, he is a 6 time champion. perhaps i can wrangle an interview with him sometime during the tournament, he seems pretty approachable. (i never get to. i can’t bother him during the game, i don’t want to bother him before the game, he might be prepping or resting, and i don’t see him after his games. he seems like a cool guy, the timing just didn’t happen. last i saw of him, he was playing against GM Sergey Kudrin. a few hours into the game, both men had lost only a knight. for all i know, they are still playing. )
we go to a nearby used bookstore, i look at the chess section and there are two guys there. they ask if i’m in the tournament, they are, and we start talking. Richard Lee and Matthias are two guys from the bay area, california. both super cool, super friendly. i tell them how i feel, they say they have had days like that, and i don’t feel as bad.
round 2
i feel a bit better, more ready for a fight. i’ll be playing black, so i am ready to french kiss this motherfucker goodbye. he’s an older guy, seems quiet and reserved. 14 moves, less than 30 minutes later, i’m mated. i shake his hand, smile and say “good game” but inside i have been kicked in the nuts repeatedly with steel toed spiked boots with electric cattleprods on the tips. my american indian nickname for this tournament is “sucks at chess.”
here is the game:
White: Michael Esh
Black: chessloser (aka Sucks At Chess)
1 e4 e6 2. d4 e5 3. e5 Bb4+ (this is one of the places i fucked up. i should have played c5, i don’t know why i didn’t)
4. Bd2 Bxd2+ 5. Qxd2 Ne7 6. Nf3 c5 (wrong, too late now, dumbass) 7. dxc5 Nbc6 8. Nc3 O-O 9. Bb5 d4 10. Ne4 Qd5 (thinking, he will move his knight to check me, i’ll take with the g pawn, i’ll be all opened up) 11. Nf6+ gxf6 (see, what was i thinking?) 12. exf6 (here i think, i have 2 squares to move the knight to, i need to pick the right one) Ng6 (i hit the clock and think, “nope, wrong one) 13 Qh6 Qe4+ 14 Be2 d3 15 MATE
i am livid, i hate myself, i am in physical pain. i feel like a trapped animal, riddled with self hatred and doubt. i take out my aggression on whiskey and roulette at Harrah’s. a few manhattans and enough money to make up my tournament entry fee later, i forget how shitty i feel. i may suck and lose, but at least i will sleep in a bed with a live woman. who is not my mom. at 3 a.m. i wake, my mind playing the damn game, i hate myself, i don’t want to play, i don’t want to be here, why am i wasting my time?
day two
it’s a sunny day, i feel good, ready for battle. i have 4 more games, i want to play them, i want to win. if i just play solid, simple moves, i can wait for my opponent to fuck up and take advantage of him, squeeze him slowly like a boa constrictor. my phone rings, it’s wahrheit. he comes to the room, we talk a bit, make plans to talk later. we head down to the coliseum for our gladiatorial battles.
round 3
i look at my pairing, i have a full point bye. what the fuck? turns out, there isn’t someone for me to play, i suck that much. goddammit. i have the morning “off.” i’m not thrilled. first off, i don’t care about points. second, i’d rather lose (i say that now, i feel different when i do) than get a free point and have no rating change. and dammit, i want to play. the TDs offer to pair me up with someone in the E section, i decline. ok, i have three games to go, if i win two of them, i’ll be happy.
round 4
i am playing against an indian lady, i think “i will finish her off like i finish off a tasty dish of palak paneer.” little do i realize she is a sadistic assassin. she starts with 1. d4, i get all Paul Keres on her to force her into a french fried death with 1…e6. we are even most of the way, i am not playing aggressive, i am waiting for her to fuck up so i can pounce. i am reacting to her moves, she is controlling the game. i think i may have this one, her pawn eventually walks across the board like a crazy nasa astronaut driving across the states wearing adult diapers to kill her boyfriend’s girlfriend. it becomes a queen and i resign before my king is killed in a menage a trois of death. game went like this:
white: Nita “sadistic assassin” Patel
black: someone who clearly is in the wrong section
1. d4 e6 2. c4 Bb4+ 3. Nc3 Nf6 4. Bb2 Bxc3 5. Bxc3 d5 6. e3 Nc6 7. cxd5 exd5 8. Bd3 Ng4 9. Nf3 O-O 10. O-O Nf6 11. h3 Be3 12. Qc2 Ne7 13. Ng5 Ng6 14. Nxe6 fxe6 15. Bxg6 hxg6 16. Qxg6 b6 17. Qc2 a5 18. f3 Nh5 19. Be1 Qg5 20. f4 Qd8 21. Rc1 Rc8 22. g4 Nf6 23. Bh4 Kf7 24. g5 Qe8 25. gxf6 Rh8 26. fxg7 Rxh4 27. Qg2 Qe7 28. f5 Kf7 29. fxe6+ K xe6 and i stop taking notes, make a few final moves, and resign.
i am beaten and feel like shit, but i put forth an honest game, she was a stronger player, she outplayed me, she tried to be nice and tell me i played well, i thanked her and went to my room dejected. back to harrah’s for more roulette and manhattans, i lose at the tables as well. the only thing that makes this night not a complete waste is i get my cocktail waitress to take a picture with a chess piece. i give her a sticker.
to finish the day, we stop at the Arby’s in the hotel for a late night snack in the room. i order a turkey sandwich, my wife gets 5 potato bites. in the room we open the bag, i have roast beef and pastrami, my wife is short 1 potato bite. yeah, that kinda day.
day 3
its a sunny day, i feel good. i feel like i’ve warmed up and am ready for a fight. no matter what happens, i will destroy. my new revenge will be, if i know i am going to lose and resign, i go to the bathroom, put my hands down my pants and rub my sweaty ass and nuts, then return to the board, play a move, resign, and shake hands firmly. (note: i never actually do this in reality, no matter how much i may want to. it’s just my revenge fantasy).
round 5
i meet my opponent, an older guy. i am white, he is black. i open with 1. d4, he tries to keres me with 1…e6!!! hah, no good old man, i know the game. by move 12 i bring his king out in the open to die. by move 19 there is a full on king hunt and he is about dead. by move 21 i’ve fucked up and am losing the game. i cannot win for shit. this is definite proof that there IS a god and he HATES me. here is the game:
white: a super saturated solution of suck
black: Larry Beavers
1. d4 e6 2. Nf3 d5 3. Bf4 Nf6 4. e3 A6 5. Nbd2 c5 6. c3 cxd4 7. exd4 Nc6 8. Bd3 h6 9. Rc1 Nh5 10. Bg3 Bd6 11. Ne5 Nxg3 12. Nxf7 Kxf7 (good, bitch, your king is exposed, i have you now old man!) 13 fxg3 Rf8 14. Bh7 (i should have castled with check, but instead i make sure he can’t put his king in the corner and let him move to safety) Ke7 15. Qg4 g5 16. Nf3 e5 17. Qh5 Rf6 18. O-O Kd7 19. dxe5 Nxe5 20. Rd1 (i fuck up huge) Ke7 21. Rxd5 (i give away the game) Bg4 22. Nxe5 Bxf1 23. Kxf1 Bxh5 and i stop writing moves down, resign in a few moves.
back in my room i feel like someone is punching me in the stomach and poking my heart with a rusty dull sword. my mind is trying to console me with “you are playing up, they are rated higher than you, it’s just a damn game” but i put my heart and soul into the game, i really honestly tried, and i fucked up and lost. i go to the movies and watch resident evil 3 to take my mind off how shitty i feel. even while milla jovovich kills zombies, i can’t shake the sight of him smiling as i lose. dammit.
round 6
i am beaten, totally demoralized, i just want it to be over. i decide to go out in style and drink during my game. it’s not like i can play any worse. i get a beer, the round is delayed, i’m on my second beer when we start. i’m playing against a super nice guy, Michael James. he is a local guy, only been playing since december, less than a year, this is his first tournament, he is unrated. holy fuck, if i lose now, i’m gonna choke myself with a pawn down my throat. in sappy american TV fashion, i win my last game. but it’s bittersweet. i feel bad for him, he hasn’t won 1 game, i don’t want him to have a crappy time on his first tournament. still, the win, as cheap as it was, puts me in a semi decent mood.
overall, even with the soul sucking loss and feelings of gross inadequacy, i had a good time. i met some great people, like John Tillotson from Utah who was playing in the C section, and was at 3-1 when i last spoke with him. we had played a quick blitz game before the tournament started, great guy.
Ricky “the happiest kid i’ve ever seen” Abderhalden, and his sister Katie, from Boise, Idaho. Ricky is 13 years old, Katie is 11. both kids were playing up in the D section, both kids scored 3 points. they are surely on their way to at least becoming masters, and i hope next time i see them, they are in the C section (so i don’t’ have to get my ass kicked by them). they have a cool mom who let them have a hardcore pawnography sticker.
Michael James, the guy was friendly and nice the whole tournament. i hope the next time i see him, he is rated in the 1200’s.
and i saw some old friends from arizona, like Troy.
i met soapstone and mauricio, the reno crew.
i got to meet wahrheit, and he bought me dinner and let me win a blitz game. how cool is that?
i got to watch GM’s play and i got to meet and talk with GM Larry Evans.
thing is, as crappy as i felt with my shitty score, there were dudes rated in the 2000s who had 0 points. they didn’t win ONE game. as shitty as i felt, i can only imagine how they feel. this doesn’t help me much, but it does, i guess, offer a bit of Schadenfreude
i hope next year, when i play in reno, i do a lot better….and i hope wang is there as well…
it is wednesday morning. i’m so damn excited i can’t sit still. tomorrow morning, i wake up, get in the car, and drive drive drive to reno to play me some chess, meet me some wahrheit, play me some roulette, and have a kick ass time. this will be my third ever tournament, and this is a big one.
i’m gonna be “that guy” at the tournament. i will do everything in my power to meet and interview any masters and grandmasters that i can. i am seriously thinking of putting in and wearing for the duration of the game my old fighting mouth guard when i play the Grob, just to make my opponent wonder what the fuck is up. i will talk to everyone like i’m running for chess mayor of chessville, kissing hands and shaking babies. i will try to get cool pics of dancing show girls with chess pieces in provocative places. i’m gonna give HARCORE PAWNOGRAPHY stickers to everyone i play, and some people i don’t. i am gonna party like it’s on sale for $19.99!!!!! im all sorts of excited and giddy.
so, no posts until i get back. then there shall be a tournament report like no other…
till then, take care, rock out with your cock out, and chess it up!
and for those of you who don’t think chess is punk rock, may i direct your attention to the your favorite weapon album cover of the band “brand new”
for whatever reason, i’ve been playing like crap, which then leads to low self esteem (lower than normal. my self esteem is so low, it can walk tip toes under a pregnant ant) and the downward spiral continues. lose-low self esteem-lose more-lower self esteem-ad infinitum.
i hope i am getting all the losing out before my damn tournament, which is only in a few days. fuck, i was hoping on playing so damn good i would be accused of cheating. it looks like i will be accused of claiming much higher rating points than i should have.
speaking of cheating….i can’t believe there is so much cheating in chess. why would anyone need to cheat at chess? its a fucking game. how can you take it that damn seriously? perhaps this is why i suck, i don’t’ take it serious enough? but if i don’t take it that serious, why does it hurt me, physically hurt me, when i lose? even when i tell myself “it’s just a damn game” i still feel bad, like it is a direct reflection of me.
but isn’t’ it? the pieces go where *I* move them, where *I* want them to go. when that doesn’t work out, it says “your ideas suck.” i can’t claim mechanical problems “i would have won, but my chain broke and i got a flat” i can’t claim weather “it was raining so i couldn’t see, it was too cold, my muscles froze” i have nothing to hide behind. the pieces tell the truth.
this is part of the reason i can’t understand the “psychological warfare” portion of chess, people trying to”psyche” their opponent out. you can make faces, burp, fart, whatever, but all i care about is where your pieces are and where mine are and where mine should go. my problem is i can’t seem to understand where my pieces need to go, so it’s a constant reminder that i can’t make plans, i can’t see plans, i am not good enough to play this damn stupid fucking game that 10 year olds seem to play just fine. WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I UNDERSTAND THIS GAME?
whatever, there will be alcohol and roulette in reno, i can celebrate or drown my sorrows, all the same. i still have three days to maybe learn something.
maybe it’s the endorphines from the bike ride i just got back from, but i am feeling pretty fuckin invincible right now. no matter what thoughts are in my head, playing in the background is the rocky song with the line “gonna fly now, getting strong now, gonna kick some chess ass now” (that last line might not actually be in the song, not sure, but it’s in my head) . it’s like i’m walking through the mall and the music is piped in.
i just lost a game online. but that’s cool, cause i had him mated and i didn’t see it and time trouble and all that, i made the wrong move. thing is, my intuition told me to move the damn bishop, which would have mated him, but i didn’t. i need to listen to the voices in my head a bit more.
game is here. i’m black, i run out of time. on move 32 i had him in mate, moved the wrong piece and ran out of time:
1. d4 e6 2. e3 d5 3. Bd3 Nf6 4. Nd2 Bd6 5. f4 c5
6. c3 c4 7. Bc2 Nc6 8. Ngf3 Ng4 9. Qe2 Ne7 10. O-O Nf5
11. Nb1 b5 12. h3 h5 13. hxg4 hxg4 14. Nh2 Qh4 15. Qxg4 Qxh2+
16. Kf2 Rh4 17. Qf3 Bb7 18. Bxf5 exf5 19. Qg3 Qxg3+ 20. Kxg3 Rh6
21. Na3 a6 22. Bd2 O-O-O 23. Nc2 g5 24. Rh1 gxf4+ 25. exf4 Rg6+
26. Kf3 Rdg8 27. Rag1 Rg3+ 28. Kf2 Rd3 29. Ke2 Re8+ 30. Kd1 Bxf4
31. Ne3 Bxe3 32. Rf1 Rxd2+ 33. Ke1 Rxb2 34. Kd1 Rb1+ 35. Kc2 Rxf1
36. Rxf1
1-0
but that’s cool. i know i will have more time at the tournament, i will see stuff i might miss (which means the other guy will have time to see stuff as well, dammit!).
still, i’ve been playing 1d4 and each game i get a bit better, i think. maybe it’s wishful thinking, not sure. but right now, i feel like conan.
i just want to get a bit sappy here for a second….i really really really am thankful for the friends i’ve made while blogging my pathetic attempts at chess mastery. we have never met (except for wang, and i’m gonna meet wahrheit soon) but i’ve gotten tons of support from you all, and it has greatly helped. so a big thank you to all the readers and commenters, regulars and drive-bys, lurkers and kinda lurkers. thank you.
we’ll come into reno low out of the rising sun…, at about a mile out, i’ll turn on the music. i like to use the sex pistols, it scares the hell out of the chessplayers and my ears love it…*
been going through starting out: 1 d4! because i want to have something slightly respectable, even though i thought about just playing the grob. been going through masters games and tactics. pretty much the same old broken record, nothing new, nothing innovating…HOWEVER…
one thing i will be doing starting tomorrow (it’s wednesday night as i type this) is, before i study the chess, i will sit zazen, meditate, clear, quiet, and open my mind. i’m hoping if i clear my mind and get it ready to absorb, i will be able to study with a blank slate for a mind, and the stuff i study will stick better, burn deeper into the mind. like writing on a fresh blank blackboard, where what you write is BAM obvious, as opposed to writing on an already full blackboard, and what you write gets lost among the other scribblings.
frankly, i’ve been having lots of doubt lately. reading kings gambit about kasparov and kramnik and guys who have played since they were 5 and can remember new lines first time they look at them, all that makes me feel like a Budwiser Clydesdale pulling a cart in the kentucky derby. i think “why the fuck bother, its not like i’m gonna get anywhere with this. then i play online and lose and think “yeah, perhaps i should stick to monopoly.” so i get all ready to just say fuck it and quit, and then i think about chess, and i can’t quit it. fucking heroin is what it is. makes me sick, makes me hate myself, yet i can’t stop. it lures me back, with the crazy fantasy of “if i play my bishop to f3, that might work!” i keep thinking “if i actually study, really really study, and put time into it, in about 3 years i could be in the 1800’s or better.”
i don’t know. if i were gonna be that good, wouldn’t i see it by now? wouldn’t’ i have a feel for it, or know i have a feel for it? i just played a game, i won. it seemed so easy, and i didn’t really plot or think, i just moved my pieces where i wanted to. i put the blaster shield down and used the force. does that mean i have some kind of intuition, or did i just get lucky? the guy was rated in the 1500’s, but it was an internet rating, which i don’t put stock in. or he could have been drunk, as i was last night playing online, losing left and right.
damn, i just don’t know. whatever, the finale of top chef is on, and i gotta see it.
* a bastardized version of the line from “apocalypse now,” one of my favorite movies…
.
first of october. in 11 days, i’ll be playing in the reno tournament. i am nervous, excited, and some other emotions i don’t know yet.
funny thing about chess, it seems i can never ever be “done” learning. i can study 12 hours a day, every day, for about 200 years, and there would still be things i don’t know. it’s part of the attraction, part of the frustration.
i am really enjoying the book kings gambit: a son, a father, and the worlds most dangerous game, about the guy with issues and his life in the chess world. the book is a fantastic historical look at the insanity and wackiness of chess players.
it is amazing that a game, A GAME, has become so important, such a huge deal, to people, that it would consume people’s lives, make them self inflict pain and wounds and such. again, part of the attraction, part of the frustration. i seem to be only playing the grob as white and the french as black on ICC, no matter what my opponents do. i should really go back to playing queen pawn’s opening as white, that seems more practical. but i win with the damn grob. i am unsure, which is part of the excitement of the upcoming tournament.
it’s monday night, i’m not making much sense. tomorrow i don’t work, so i will try to spend a good portion of the day going over the exchange variation of the french. that seems the most common at my level.
and finally, for those who don’t read silman’s page or the comments here, a HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY reader, Mike, posted a good link to an interesting article about life in the lower sections.
http://jeremysilman.com/chess_raves/090602_Life_in_the_Lower_Sections.html
