hardcore pawnography

chessloser industries announced today it plans on unveiling a prototype “chess shirt” at the next tournament.

CEO, founder, and only member of chessloser industries, chessloser, said he should be ready with his prototype shirt by the next tournament, and if public reaction is positive, production will begin in earnest by january 2008.

“i realized other sports and lifestyles have specialized clothing, it’s about time chess did as well. there is the GPS jacket for climbers, snowboarders have snowboarding pants and jackets and cool backpacks, mountain bikers have cool shorts with chamois lining and extra pockets and such, i think chess players need sport specific clothing as well,” said the (relatively) young (compared to, say, a 90 year old), rather swanky yet low rated and pretty crappy chess player.

the “chess shirt” is is made of micro fibers that automatically adjust to temperature, so when you are playing in a tournament hall that starts out cold, then gets really hot with all the bodies thinking and sweating, you remain comfortable. the fibers also wick away sweat, keeping you dry, and have anti-bacterial properties that cancel out body odor. this way, you don’t’ have to waste time showering. why spend one moment naked and wet when you could be brushing up on that obscure line of the alapin counter gambit?

the shirt comes with a plug-in that attaches to your clock and has a wireless transmitter. this way, when your opponent hits his clock, a small gentle vibration comes on for 5 seconds, alerting you to it being your move. so if you are playing an opponent who waits for you to get up to go to the bathroom and then moves so you waste time, or if you like to roam around and see how your friends are doing or just go to the bathroom, you know the second your clock starts ticking.

it also comes with a pocket for an mp3 player, a pen/pencil pocket on the sleeve, and a lined pocket to keep food such as cheese dip for nachos or peanut butter to snack on while you play. the suit also has a built in camelback reservoir and drinking tube, so you don’t have to get up to get a drink. (the built in camelback removes easily for cleaning, if you were to drink something other than water). there will also be an advanced model shirt that emits a signal jammer, to prevent any cheating by your opponent. one other possible option would be a special pen that hooks to the shirt. it records the moves you write down on your pad, then back in your room, you can download the moves directly from the shirt to your computer to start analyzing your game.

there are plans for additional attachments, such as a laminated chess record book that can be used in the rain and wet climates, and keeps your moves unsmudged if you spill coffee or water on it. the book will also be able to download moves into your computer for quick analyzing.