hardcore pawnography

thanks to advances in science and medicine, people are living longer.  now we are plagued with an overabundance of old people, they are everywhere. they are in front of you in their big cars driving 40 mph when the speed limit is 65, they are moving at glacier speed, blocking you as you walk down the narrow aisles of various stores, and they are sitting across from you at the chessboard.

when i decided i wanted to work my way up to chess master, everyone (by which i mean, no actual person ever) told me i was too old.  i didn’t understand how age would make a difference in something where you are sitting down.  its not like i wanted to win the ironman or a marathon, where youth and a young body is a key factor. in fact, age should be helpful to me, my brain should be able to grasp new concepts quickly, i have more experience, so i should relate to new ideas quicker as i have more chance to find a similarity in a new idea with something i already know.

but, i’ve found out, old people play slow boring chess.

why is this? they seem to prefer positional, build-up-your-forces, let’s take our time and bore each other to death chess than attack-attack-attack-kill chess. it is as if thier mind thinks, “i’m old, my muscles are slow, i will play chess the same way.” i don’t get it.  if nothing else, i would think they would be more in a rush, as since they are old and could go at any moment, they would want to get in as many games as they could.

now, although i am almost 40, an old guy in years, i am still a young guy in chess. damn 10 year olds have been playing longer than i have. yet, i still have the young guy “attack attack attack” type mentality. of course, i also snowboard and ride a bmx bike and listen to hip-hop and punk, so maybe even though i’m not young, i am still immature.

but i don’t’ see why age has anything to do with how you play your chess. i would hope that when i am old and feeble and crapping my pants and eating my steak through a straw, i will still sac pieces and attack the shit out of whoever i am playing, no matter how long it takes me to actually lift up the piece and move it. especially if my body can’t do it, i can at least live vicariously through my chess pieces and fight gloriously bloody and violent battles.

maybe the old people have learned that wild attacks are foolish and subtle maneuvering, guile and trickery beat youth and exuberance most of the time, but it comes across to me as fear, as if they embody their chess pieces with similar attributes they have. (“i can’t move my bishop too far from home, he might have to pee, and i will keep my knight here cause it’s almost time for a nap”).

i’m sure there are old chess players who play quick, violent, bloody chess, just as there are kids who play tentative, scared, timid chess. Polly who is not old, but older than i, is taking tae kwon do, so i doubt her chess is boring.  she and many old people would kick my ass at the chessboard, no doubt.

but in general, it seems old people play chess like they drive a car: slow and lumbering, and i just don’t’ understand why that is.

i used to train in Jeet Kun Do (JKD), bruce lee’s fighting method. it was awesome, very direct, no frills, straight fighting. a punch is a punch, a kick is a kick.

part of the training was going over the same moves, over, and over, and over.

and over. until it was ingrained in you, became an automatic response. muscle memory, you no longer thought about the block-punch, you just blocked and punched.

last night, going over benoni games from tal, fischer, and some long named russians, i started wondering how am i going to learn all the different nuances, when to put my knight on d7 and when to put him on a6. how am i going to know, when i get to the position that tal and fischer both had after 7 moves, what to do?

muscle memory. and the only way to get that is repetition. how am i going to learn the opening? repetition, until the moves become automatic. when white plays Nc3, i play g7, no thought, just action.

but how do i get all that repetition in? in jkd, i had a sparring partner, we would go over the LAP SAO excercise until our wrists were red and sore, until it was automatic.  at home, i dont have a partner to go over the moves with, so i have to sit and make the moves by myself.

but repetition is the key here, not just mindless moving of pieces, but thoughtful repetition.  and since i am older,* it takes me longer, so there has to be more of it, but there are only so many hours in a day.  so i wake up, go over some games, get ready for work, go over games, any chance i get during the day, go over games.

i am actually thinking of getting a small one of those hanging chess boards that people use for lectures and stuff, waterproofing it, and putting it in my shower, so i can go over moves while i wash up.  (ok, not really, but that would show dedication, and would be so ridiculous, it would be worth doing just to do it.  perhaps i will make and market a chessboard you could use in the shower, and the hardcore people and the crazy chessmoms will buy it).

it would be cool if there was a chess dojo, a chess “gym.”  i would run it like my jkd class.  we would start out “strecthing,” going over basic openings.  then we would go to kicks and punches, we would take certain attacks in positions, and go over them, same moves, same positions, over and over, so when you saw the position, you knew the move.  then we would go over a certain technique,  like in the benoni, putting the knight on a6 then c7 to support the b5 push.  then we would “spar” and it would be a “chess club” of a few friends who want to discover the truth in chess, the pure perfect moves, who sit around and play, not against each other, but with each other, analyzing EVERY move, they make, to find the ultimate moves.

but right now, since it’s just me, i will approach chess like i approach life.

i will sit home, alone, and play with myself.

*been thinking about age and old people and will post my insane and useless thoughts on this next

before we begin, let me just point out that i do not, in any way, enjoy the musical stylings of lionel richie or the commodores.   i was making an obscure reference to a spongebob squarepants episode…(where he was making a reference to the song by lionel richie)

i know that there are 8 bazillion combinations that can happen in chess after move 4.  sure, but many of them aren’t really playable and won’t happen unless you are playing a pre-schooler.   much of chess has been played, enough to where there are lines that last 16 or so moves, there are well known positions that can be reached and are reached over and over.

so here is the thing.  all i have to do, really, is learn what move comes next.  if i reach a certain well known position, all i have to do is know what move to make next.  if he moves Nc3, there are maybe 4 responses.  i just have to choose the one that leads me down the yellow brick road to mate, as shown in thousands of games already played, and play it.

i know that is not how it works,  but i can’t help but think it should work like that.   dude opens with 1. e4, i play 1….c5, i know the guy is gonna play Nc3, etc…. but let’s say he doesn’t.  let’s say he plays 2. d4.    well, then i will play cxd4, cause that’s the center counter.   technically, i should be able to learn what to play next, based off what has been played.

why can’t it be that simple?  i guess if it was, then chess would be solved like checkers.  everyone would be a grandmaster.  i’d like to play like a grandmaster, but right now, i play more like grandmaster flash than grandmaster keres.

it is so cool, to me, that there are so many humans out there who go over, in excruciating detail, what move to play next.  how many of us spend how many hours going through how many games to see what was played, what should be played, etc?

a sickness, that’s what it is, a damn sickness.  one that keeps me up at night thinking waht to play next, one that keeps me looking at books and games trying to find the pattern, the move, one i’m quite glad to have.

i wonder if there is one setup that is unbeatable.  like, if i could put my pieces on certain squares that, no matter what the opponent does, he will lose pieces and lose the game.   part of me wants to think that if it were possible, it would have already been done.  part of me goes back to “the world is flat, no need looking for anything else” and “we already have black and white tv, we’ve hit the top. “

i still think if i could just know what move comes next….

*i liked all the comments on the last post, i agree with all of you. one funny thing, when i played up a section in reno, thinking i could beat the U1400 crowd, some folks said i should stick to my own section and not play up. i just, for whatever reason, didn’t want to play saturday. some of it was because i didn’t want to play up, and some of you say i should play up to learn. and you are right. it’s just kinda funny how it goes both ways, and both ways have truth to them. damn crazy chess*

i guess it was back in the early 1900’s or so when the english pilgrims put on their huge hats and over sized buckles, loaded up their excalibur chess sets and headed to the new world for the huge chess tournament. they were playing against the plymouth indians in a five day, 15 round swiss style event. the pilgrims, like most chess players, weren’t flush with cash, so were hoping to win the tournament to make enough money to get back.
the pilgrims, who didnt’ have lots of cash to begin with, blew what they had at the bookstore, buying cool small magnetic chess sets, old copies of chess informer, and books on how to crush the sicilian. the indians crushed them using queen pawn’s openings and benko gambits, won all the prize money, and left the pilgrims totally broke, in spirit and wallet. the indians had this huge celebratory feast, and felt bad for the pilgrims, so they invited them to hang out and eat, go over the games, and generally party like rockstars. the pilgrims really liked the spicy foods they had for the first time, learned cool new ideas, like playing 4….a6 followed by 5….b5, which was crazy new to them, and since they didn’t have enough cash to get back, they asked if they could stay and hang out and learn how to play really kick ass chess from the indians.

and that is the true story of thanksgiving, which we will be observing tomorrow.

after work today, i come home and start cooking. tonight i will make the cranberry sauce with pineapple and jalepeno (traditional native american recipe) and the bourbon walnut pecan pie (traditional pilgrim recipe). tomorrow, i make the cornbread stuffing, the artichokes, the baked squash, and, um….oh yeah, the turkey.

between all this, i will be reading nunn’s understanding chess move by move in the hope of understanding this stupid game that has taken my soul.

i honestly haven’t wanted to play in the last few days, i don’t know why, but i was “full.” i didn’t want to look at a book, i didn’t want to play online, i didn’t want to read the chess blogs, i wanted nothing to do with chess. at work yesterday, as i was standing around waiting to show someone where the garlic presses were, it struck me. i started thinking about chess, thinking about the sicilian, where the pieces move, pinning the knight on f6, etc.

tomorrow, i have off. i will cook, eat, and study chess.

happy thanksgiving.

so i drove the 4 hours to boulder to play in the chess tournament. i was gonna tell my opponent “i am gonna mate you on g3 with my rook,” and then, every move he made, i was gonna pump my fist in the air and quietly say “yes!” after i beat him, i would smile and say “it sucks to be you.” i was gonna use all the excellent suggestions you all gave me.

i didn’t play. instead i took a picture of the house from the hit television show “mork and mindy” starring then unknown robin williams, and i took a tour of the celestial seasonings tea factory. i also took getting to 2000’s advice and ate at Narayan’s nepalese restaurant and it kicked ass. i had this great carrot pudding stuff that was AWESOME, along with the tandoori chicken and various curries and such. had a good time and came home.
why didn’t i play? well, the space we were playing in was going to be closed sunday, so there was a chance it would turn into a one day, 4 or 5 round G60 tournament. not that i would mind the G60 time, but, well, i wanted to play a bit slower, think, really play as best as i could.

then, also, it turns out there wasn’t an U1200 section, per se, it was an open. perhaps i misunderstood that the prize money was for sections, but since there was only about 20 or so people playing, there wasn’t enough people to actually make up sections. and some of the people took byes on the first round.
ok, so i would play in an open, but who would i play against? there were 3 people under 1200; me at 1145, a 700, and a 900. next there was one 1200, one 1300, and then 1400, 1600, and up. i think there were 3 masters playing. now, i just got my ass kicked by 1200s and 1300s in reno, but lets say i was ready now and beat the 1300. then what? i play against the 1600? i play against the 1900? i lose and play against the 900? what good would that have done anyone?

so after i paid my entry fee, i was a jerk and withdrew. just like that. i didn’t ask for my money back, but that left the tournament with one less person, which i don’t know if it mattered, it seemed like everyone knew each other, they were all from the same chess club. i was the only outsider that i could tell of. it was like i stumbled onto a local chess club tournament that actually counted for rating points.

i heard one guy talking to the organizer saying something to the effect of “so, i run the risk of losing rating points playing people over me, but then i don’t get many points beating the people rated lower than me?” etc etc.

so, maybe this is how most tournaments are, small open affairs. maybe i should have just played. but, in my limited 3 tournament experience, there were always enough people close to my own rating to play, they were a bit larger.

i don’t know, i’m flaky, but it had a weird vibe to me, and i just didn’t want to play. i didn’t feel like being a punching bag for a 16oo then grinding a 900 player’s dick in the dirt.

maybe if it didn’t count for actual rating points, i would have played. and maybe it’s wrong and i shouldn’t worry about ratings and all that (i know the whole spiel) but, i seem to have become overprotective of my feeble 1145, and i don’t want to lose it just because there weren’t enough people to play.

so there was that. no tournament. or, more correctly, there was a tournament, i didn’t like the feel of it, and i wussed out and didn’t’ play in it. ok, so i’m a tournament snob, a coward, a big pussy. but honestly, i felt a bit cheated. i really wanted to play some chess, i wanted to play people rated above me, but not by 200 or 400 points. i used to want to play against 1300’s, cause i know i can beat them, even though i lost to them in reno. but this time, i wanted to play in “my section.”

so, i will try to play in a tournament in january.   i will ask and make sure there is a section to play in, or if it’s an open, i will be ready for it.  until then, i shall study study study, i will become a chess juggernaut, and i will enter the U1200 section and destroy it, own it.

i’m kinda bummed out that i didn’t play. but at least i got to see the mork and mindy house.

it’s thursday night. tomorrow after work i drive to boulder for another chess tournament. i will be in the U1200 section, cause i suck like vampire with a vacuum. so help me god i better win some goddamn games.

i’m in a bit of a crappy mood. my fuckin computer has a virus, i swear. my free avast won’t pick it up, i paid money today and bought some anti-virus crap that my computer wouldn’t let me install, my computer is acting just a bit weird. dammit i’m infected.

ok, sure, i deserve it, if you hang out in the sewers, you are gonna pick up something. i hang out in the seedy parts of the internet, downloading porn, and of course, what should i expect? still, i wanna sue the internet. why can’t i be depraved in the privacy of my own damn home without having to have damage done to my goddamn computer? fucking virus writers and spreaders, i hope they burn in a special hell.

whatever, tomorrow i play chess. i dont’ even know what the fuck i’m doing, its like i’ve never played chess before. fuck.

but i’ll be in boulder, so i should have a decent time. one thing i don’t get is, it’s 5 rounds but worth 6 points. how does that happen?

monday will be a full tournament report.

till then, where a big rubber suit when you play chess. practice safe chess kids.

the last post, where “the artist formerly known as dutch defense” and wango pointed out the line in the sicilian took out the bishop pair, got me thinking….

which would you rather have?

this:

or this:

i know many books explain having the Han and Chewie power of the bishop pair is preferable to a pair of knights, and i’ve seen it explained and i understand……

however, through my own crappy experiences, i think having a knight or two is more versatile, and i prefer them. those damn knights jump around and pick off pieces in ways a bishop just can’t do. sure, the bishop has the long range ICBM effect, sitting in the corner and threatening a square on the other side of the board. but in the close range tight battle where pawns are all locked up like new york city traffic, the bishops are overgrown pawns.

i know that at the higher levels this isn’t so much a factor, real chess players know how to use what they got and don’t end up in weird uncomfortable positions (like the back seat of volkswagen), but down at the underground sewer level, where i play, it happens frequently.

that said….

i’ve seen my chess evolve. not much, maybe just an amoeba splitting into a two celled retarded chess creature, but still, evolved. occasionally, i get a quick glimpse, like a blink, of understanding. that is usually followed by a series of crushing smack downs to dispel me of any belief that i might be improving, but i think i just might be a bit better than i was a few months ago when i started.

damn chess. i can’t stop it.

it’s monday morning, in only a few days, i’ll be in boulder colorado at the kids table, getting my ass kicked by a 10 year old. it’s nice to have something to look forward to. i honestly don’t know what i’m gonna play against 1.e4. my first tournament ever, i had it down, i had a plan, i knew what i was gonna do. granted, i lost most of the games, but i didn’t feel as insecure and shaken as i do now that i’ve actually been studying and know some things.

but fuck it, i will go with the attitude that has kept me going so far: it’s a game, it’s fun, i will play fun, violent, decisive chess. i can last enough moves to get my king in the corner, i have to recognize opportunities when they arise and take them.

i was on ICC this morning, chatting with wang and he brought up some interesting points that got me thinking and got my creative juices simmering.  he mentioned how top scientists from all countries of the world got together to determine that golfers who ride in a cart play better than those that walk, including pros.  this is way easier and more interesting than finding a cure for cancer or obesity, and far more interesting, but that’s not the point.  the point is, i need a golf cart when i play chess.

no, wait, not that.  somehow in that conversation, we talked about playing in tournaments and having to hit the clock and write moves down.   how it could be a distractor.  but for me, i think it’s a good thing.    maybe walking will make the golfers tired, riding in the cart keeps them unfatigued, but for me, riding in the cart helps them slow down and think.  maybe that’s not the case, but in the fucked up world i live in inside my head, it makes sense.  so for me, having to hit the clock, write moves down, isn’t a distractor, but allows me, nay, forces me, to stop, look at what is going on, think.   i am less likely to make rash moves.

we also talked about stuff that made me think of a cool matrix style chess movie.

the movie voice guy, who does the gieco commercials, will of course do the voiceover:

in a world, where computers have taken over and dominated the chess scene, one man stands against them.  WANGO.   the movie is about a human who fights against the compuoters in chess.  a cross between tron and the matrix.  it would be cool i think.

oh, just for clarification, that line in the lev alburtson book i was talking about goes like this:

1. e4 c5, 2. Nf3 g6 3. d4 cxd4 4. Nxd4 Nc6 5. Nc3 Bg7 6. Be3 Nf6 7. Bc4 O-O 8. Bb3 a5

9. a4

up to here, good, no problems.  then….

9…Ng4 10. Qxg4 11. Nxd4

according to the book, the queen will then go to h4.  in real life, white takes the knight wiht his bishop, and black is down 2 knights for no reason i can see.

i can only assume i am not getting some important fact, some obvious thing here.  someone please tell me what i am missing.

wang told me, today as we chatted, i should play “chessloser chess,” which is most natural for me (obviously) as opposed to trying to force someone else’s “style” onto myself.  problem is, my chess is not good enough.  but for this upcoming tournament, i think i will just play my own style and see where i get.

it’s monday, 5th of november. there is the 2007 boulder fall grand prix, in boulder colorado, november 17-18. i am currently planning on going. I’ll be in the under 1200 section. so help me god, i better do well.

last night i was up a bit late, tired, and i was playing. i won my last two games. i don’t think i was thinking, i just kind of moved the pieces where i kind of wanted them to go, and it worked. i was playing that zombie chess that Blue Devil Knight talked about a while ago.

i think when i play, i need to have some metal or punk blasting on the speakers, something to give me that “pumped up to kick ass” feeling.   i know chess is supposed to be a thinking, calculating game, but i am too dumb to think and calculate.  i like raw aggression, and the raw aggression side of chess is what attracted me to begin with.   maybe i am just imposing my imagination on it all, but i can see the underlying violence of the game, the bishops stabbing, the knights trampling, the castles booming.

and it’s when i don’t see that stuff, that is when i seem to lose.  not always,  of course, often i lose because i make dumb crazy plans, or have no plan, but more often than not, when i don’t see it as a fight, but a game, a puzzle, i go “chess blind.”

weird.   anyway, i have to study, get ready, make the basics second nature so i don’t’ have to think about them, i just naturally do them.   less than two weeks, i’m back in the fray.

so i’m trying to learn to play chess and all. on ICC i’m rated 1193 or so, some guy rated 1891 keeps playing me. i want to think he is trying to help me, these are unrated games, he keeps challenging me, playing white, i keep accepting, playing black, i keep losing. perhaps he is trying to help me, train me, let me work stuff out. i should be happy about this. i’m not.

i feel mentally beaten up, kicked and stomped. why is that? i know he is better than me, his rating is right there, no surprises, no tricks. not that ratings matter, but these were all unrated games, they are “training,” a place to try stuff out, see what works, etc. the guy was being helpful, he was taking his time to make me better, i’m sure.

but i see it as, some guy who gets his kicks out of repeatedly beating someone weaker, showing them how their plans suck and how they can’t play chess. it’s not like he was chatting as we went, taking a teacher type role and saying “no, that is weak, cause i’ll do this” or something of the sort. he also wasn’t being a dick, saying “damn, you suck,” or “hahaha” or crap like that. he was silently refuting everything i had, constantly beating me. we played 12 games, i think by the last game, i was resigning on move 5, just leaving my queen out for free taking, shit like that.

why is that? why, when i know i am training and i know i am trying to see what is best, why does it bother me so much to lose repeatedly. instead of taking it as a fun challenge, some puzzle to solve, i take it as a reflection of my personal worth, a silent voice that says “you suck, you are a loser” over and over. it stopped becoming fun.

again, intellecutally, i know it was far more useful than if i won a bunch of games, i now have a solid number of games to go over and see what went wrong where, how i can be better, see the refutations to my threats. i KNOW that. but inside, i feel shitty. worthless. and the funny thing is, before that, i played a rated game against someone who was 1200 or so and won.

perhaps because it was on the internet, so it was a faceless non human enemy. if we were sitting across from each other, and he kept beating me, i wouldn’t feel as bad. i could ask him “why didn’t that work” and he would show me, it would be more “tutorial.” i guess i could have asked him in chat why it didn’t’ work, he would have told me or been a complete dick, either way, whatever i felt would be a bit more justified with actual proof.

this is what’s weird about playing on the internet. the faceless, nameless, anonymity. did i get trounced by some 10 year old eating a bowl of count chocula in his footsy pajamas? did i get destroyed by some old russian guy who is a chess team trainer at work? i don’t’ know. but these feelings show a deep darkness in myself. perhaps i need a better, less cynical world view?

hmmmm, chess as self reflection….