i don’t abuse cocaine, i just like how it smells
the first step in any program is to admit you have a problem.
i’m chessloser, and i have a chess addiction.
it started with blitz, now it’s just a full blown all around everything addiction. the books, the e-books, the videos on the internet, it’s all out there if you are looking for it.
i have noticed that i’m a bit of an addict, not unlike a heroin addict, or jeff conaway, star of the hit movie grease, hit tv show taxi, and super star of celebrity rehab, where you see how he has snorted and drank himself retarded. while, unlike jeff conaway, i can stand when i pee and i don’t’ have hallucinations of opium demons peeling my head like a tangerine, scooping out my brains, and using my empty skull as a guacamole bowl, i find i will neglect everyday life things to play chess, much as a heroin addict will neglect things to take heroin. for example, eating.
i love to eat and i love to cook and eat, but when i start playing chess, even if i am hungry, i will go all day without eating while i sit in front of the computer playing. my wife calls out “dinner is ready” and i yell back “ok, be there in a minute” and an hour later, i come out of the room to an angry silence. it’s hurting not just me, but my home. sunday, my computer was on, we were watching tv, i went into my room to shut the computer off, that is all i had to do. i quickly logged onto ICC to see if there was a game, then waited for a game, then played a quick game, then shut off the computer. like a junkie going into the bathroom stall during dinner to “freshen up.” i just needed a quick game to keep me going through the day.
weird thing is, chess has taken most of my free time. i used to read a lot, about 35-50 books a year. since i’ve started really studying chess, that slowed down, and now, i haven’t read a non-chess book in months. on my days off, i should be snowboarding, but i stay inside and study chess. if i am not looking at a chessbook, i feel like i am missing something, like something is wrong.
i played a game yesterday, i felt totally in control of the game, i knew every move the guy made, i knew every answer to every move the guy made. it was strange, weird, wonderful, and it only fueled the addiction, i want all my games to be like that. in the upcoming tournament, i want to crush my opponents, see them driven before me in their minivans and suburban assault vehicles, and hear the lamentations of their moms. and the only way i can make that happen is to study and play and study some more.
perhaps my “unhealthy” addiction will pay off, and at the tournament, i shall stand victorious at the top of the e section, upon the broken pubescent bodies of my opponents. and if not, i can always be on the next season of celebrity rehab with dr drew.
d! said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:09 pm
my new one is electronics. i have been creepily lurking on the MAKE blog and a dozen other DIY sites. searching for electro knowledge like some clucker ( a lil LBC slang for ‘cracky’ ). ogling breadboards, LED’s, and transistor thingys that i don’t completely understand. it’s sad really.
hello everybody, my name is -d! and i am addicted to solder.
Blunderprone said,
January 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm
CL, welcome to the club. The visions of winning the tournament is like the addict seeking that first great high… but never quite getting it…only tries harder and harder leaving a self destructive path. Pain is inevitable..
Alrighty then… now that I cheered everyone up …. how about a game of chess?
gorckat said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:45 pm
When you start freebasing pawns and snorting rooks off of hookers’ asses, give me a call.
Right now, I have to go roll a bishop.
Polly said,
January 30, 2008 at 9:05 am
Uh oh, don’t be pissing off the wife too much with the “I’ll be there in a minute” line. Blitz chess is like a good high. You never want to come down, especially when you’re having one those killer streaks where you just feel so on top of everything. Chess is great when it clicks like that. It’s also totally annoying when all hell breaks loose and you can’t figure out what the hell is going on. Then it’s back to the “Damn I suck at this game” mode.
Good luck in the tournament.
chessloser said,
January 30, 2008 at 9:13 am
d! - i love to solder, i really really do….
Blunderprone - even the cold smack of reality won’t wake me from my chess addiction, so yes, let’s play a game…
gorckat - that’s it, now i wanna snort a rook off a hooker’s ass…
polly - i have more of the “damn i suck” days then the “i’m on top of it” days…i hope to change that around somehow, but i won’t if i have to keep eating dinner when my wife tells me to…
Wahrheit said,
January 30, 2008 at 12:02 pm
A suggestion–I recall a fun old movie Cold Turkey where a whole town tries to quit smoking to get Millions of $$$, Dick Van Dyke was the pastor who was leading them in the effort, somebody criticizes him and says it’s easy because he’s not a smoker, so he starts smoking again and pretty soon he’s got it bad, when the time comes to quit he’s about to go nuts with desire, so he starts making love to his wife as a substitute–like every 3 hours. It works for him. So you could have a set chess schedule and when the jones comes during family time,when the hands start to shake and the feet start dragging involuntarily toward the computer
Just a thought…
The addiction… Perfectly portrayed « The Chess Of Edwin Meyer said,
January 30, 2008 at 11:02 pm
[...] excerpt from a recent post by chessloser. After reading it, and as funny as it may seem (i could really recognize myself in [...]
Howard Goldowsky said,
January 31, 2008 at 8:19 am
Did you guys read the January or December Chess Life interview with Fabiano Caruana, where he talks about his ICC addiction? He’s got it bad too. He, like many of us, even goes so far as to curse his unknown opponents. There’s always a “fix” online, all day, all the time….
One doesn’t quite imagine stronger players having the same lack of self-control as weaker ones, so it’s comforting to see that chess addiction transcends rating. I bet, however, that stronger players in general waste less time playing blitz than weaker ones. Of course there are excpetions, Hikaru Nakamura being one of them.
Howard
chessloser said,
January 31, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Wahrheit - i love that movie, i remember it…great idea, i wonder how the wife will go for it…
chessloser said,
February 2, 2008 at 8:46 am
Howard - if i were a much better player, i would probably play more, just for the thrill of beating others…as it is now, the only reason i don’t play as much is i get tired of losing…