feelings, nothing more than feelings
hi, welcome to another installment of HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY.
usually, HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY reflects the attitude of playing chess with one hand, while drinking beer and giving the finger with the other, as a scantily clad hot chick sits on your lap nibbling your ear and writing your moves down for you, and your opponent just sits there, losing.
but today, i am going to slow it down a bit. because i am going to take the advice i so often give others when they feel a bit overwhelmed.
sometimes, you have to take a big swim in lake you.
and today, that’s what i’m gonna do, i’m gonna explore some of my feelings.
i have a tournament coming up in 9 days. frankly, i’m a bit nervous. i think back to my first tournament, i was nervous, but i knew i didn’t know anything, i didn’t have too great an expectation. and i did quite well, i think. my second tournament i had confidence, and i did quite well, and my third i had lots of confidence, and i was chess equivalent of the exxon-valdez. so now, although i’ve been studying really hard and supposedly learning, i almost feel like i know less. i feel like i should play a whole lot better, and i’m worried a bit that i won’t. i don’t now if this is normal or what, but i don’t know why i feel this way. i guess it’s a brief lack of confidence.
then, as always, i wonder…why am i so emotionally wrapped up in this? it’s a damn game. last night i sat on my couch and tried to numb my brain with the televised novacaine provided 24 hours a day on 600 different channels. but all i could think about was chess, and it wasn’t a happy, warm, “puppy-dog-licking-the-icecream-of-life” type of feeling. it was more a “workin-on-the-chain-gang” kinda thing. i have somehow put undue pressure on myself to do well. and it worries me that i can’t.
then i played a few games on ICC. i win maybe one game out of every 5. weird thing is, i lose to a 1033 and beat a 1753. how the fuck does that happen? why can’t i consistently beat people rated such and such? of course, there were games against a 1200 where i was up a full piece, i bishop or a rook, and i managed to lose. i am quite talented at that.
it’s like, sometimes my brain just says “fuck it, move this piece” and i know its not right, but i go ahead and do it anyway. and this bothers me.
i spend roughly 60% of my day thinking about chess. i can’t honestly say i feel comfortable and happy all the time with it, as if my subconscious knows something and won’t tell my conscious, so i have this sense of impending doom, but i don’t know why. my spider sense tingles, but there is no danger readily apparent.
if anyone is still reading this, i’m sorry i just wasted your time. i can’t seem to get my thoughts in order, i was hoping typing them out would help.
ok, now back to slamming pieces down hard each move as if every move was an exclamation point.
gorckat said,
February 20, 2008 at 8:50 am
weird thing is, i lose to a 1033 and beat a 1753. how the fuck does that happen? why can’t i consistently beat people rated such and such?
Do you keep it simple? Getting up a piece and making things harder than they are does me in, typically. Re-read some old Novice Nooks on Playing while you’re winning and such, if that’s the case.
But really- this is just a ploy to make me feel sorry for you, drop my guard and get rolled in our LEPer game tomorrow, isn’t it?
Well, it’s working, prick!
Or is that just me saying it is to make you think your ruse is?
Mwuhahaha!
Ooh- another thing to try…when you have decided on a move/aren’t getting any further on analysis, look away or close your eyes and visualize something mundane and non-distracting, then re-look the board. I’ve seen and read of people doing that, and I’ve caught things in my IECG games (like that like pieces that aren’t really en prise).
svensp said,
February 20, 2008 at 11:39 am
“weird thing is, i lose to a 1033 and beat a 1753. how the fuck does that happen? why can’t i consistently beat people rated such and such? of course, there were games against a 1200 where i was up a full piece, i bishop or a rook, and i managed to lose. i am quite talented at that.
it’s like, sometimes my brain just says “fuck it, move this piece” and i know its not right, but i go ahead and do it anyway. and this bothers me.”
Maybe an explanation may be, that in a game against stronger opposition you know (or have it more in the foreground of your thoughts) you cant afford to just move a piece without further ado and against not so strong opposition its more like “ok, how bad can one move be? Even if its a mistake, my opponent might give it back to me, so its not that much of a unknown risk really”. This explanation may completely wrong, but sometimes I found this to be the reason when I experienced similar things. One is simply more alert when playing stronger opposition.
Also, the ratings dont tell you everything about how a person is playing, so the outcome varies. He/she can be stronger in one area than someone with 200 points more, only to be much weaker in other areas. In different games, different areas of playing strength decide the outcome. So if the game is suited for that one area, the person with -200 points has an advantage in this game, but most of the time the game wont be like that and that may be one reason for their difference in rating. In addition to this, noone is playing constant and performance changes from day to day. The hint to the novice nook column on how to play when way ahead is a good idea, too.
kind regards,
svensp
Blue Devil Knight said,
February 20, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I know that feeling, well, except the one of beating someone rated 1753 in blitz.
Pawn Shaman said,
February 20, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Low expectations are the key to every relationship. Especially with women and chess. Well, low expectations and reciprocity.
Phaedrus said,
February 21, 2008 at 4:00 am
Hi chessloser,
One of the reasons that you can win or lose a blitzgame against anyone who is rated much higher or lower than you is because a chessgame is more like a tennisreally than a tennis match. Any mistake can be immediately decisive. And mistakes are all around in blitzgames. Accepting that it is inevitable that you are going to make these mistakes can however help you to cope with them and hold your composure and help you to save some lost games. Never get self destructive, because why should you bring on some extra wood when your opponent is burning your position?
Liquid Egg Product said,
February 21, 2008 at 6:45 am
At our level of play (meaning class players), we almost always make a good share of mistakes, so a lot of unexpected results are possible.
chessloser said,
February 21, 2008 at 8:28 am
gorckat - it’s true, i am a prick. thanks for the looking away tip, i’ll try it….
svensp - you have something there. i find i play more carefully when i am against a higher rated player, i play “better.” i don’t respect my opponents at the lower level, and i pay for it. good points, thanks…
blue devil knight - i refuse to believe you haven’t taken down a few 1700s and 1800s…..
pawn shaman - low expectations have gotten me pretty far. also, if they are a 2 at 10, they’ll be a 10 at 2. if she is below your standards, lower your standards.
Phaedrus - “Never get self destructive, because why should you bring on some extra wood when your opponent is burning your position?” that is excellent advice, i’m gonna use it in a post if you don’t mind….
Liquid Egg Product - true, but i never ever consider the possiblity that i could beat a 1700, even though i’ve beaten a 1700 over the board in the past…