torn between two lovers, feeling like a retard
i think that’s how those lyrics went…
they (the all knowing “they” who say everything) say you can only serve one master. there are variations on that theme, but it’s pretty obvious and true, as history as shown. look at darth vader. that happend a long long time ago (yet somehow in the future) and those lessons are still relevant today.
you can only serve one master.
my problem is, i’m in my own personal polygamist ranch here, and it’s getting to me.
i bought a house and planned to move here to fruita colorado waaay back when i was primarily focused on riding mountain bikes, my first love. that’s all i wanted to do (that and surf porn for hours). but, between me buying the house and actually getting to fruita, or as i call it “zion” (just like they refer to the ranch) i somehow fell in love with the damn chess game. so i tried to force it to be mine, along with biking.
now the weather is turning perfect, and in two weeks there is the fruita fat tire festival and i am drawn to it like a texas mormon rancher is drawn to a 13 year old girl wearing a little house on the prairie dress.
that, combined with the constant negative reinforcement of losing at blitz games which i shouldn’t be playing, feeling like i just am not getting it, feeling stupid, has put me a bit off on chess. i feel my enthusiasm waning, i’m not on fire as i used to be. its like chess has grown into a 30 year old woman, and cycling has become the 15 year old i want to force to marry me against it’s wishes.
last night i came home from a ride, and i played tacticus maximus in our tournament of leppers game. i didn’t want to play, it was over pretty quickly, i lost and figured i’d lose at around move 3. the rest was just kinda a slow painful walk towards inevitability. not that i didn’t try, i did, but i didn’t expect to win and i didn’t much care to play, i was thinking of riding. chess just hasn’t been a priority for me lately, and that scares me a bit.
i was supposed to play ivan later that night but fell asleep. IVAN, DUDE, SORRY I FLAKED ON YOU.
not that i have any intention to quit, i can’t. even if the authorities break into my house, arrest all the books and chessbase, and take me to a shelter, i am gonna wanna come back to it. i can’t quit the chess.
but my feelings for the biking still stirs. i ride, i love to ride, i have to ride. i want to ride all the damn time. but if i’m out riding, hanging out with riders, partying, doing bike related stuff, i am not studying chess. and i have a damn tournament coming up next month. and i want to learn and play chess like someone who knows how to play damn chess dammit.
i have no intention on becoming a professional bicycle racer/rider, i don’t compete, i don’t have to “train.” i also want to improve at chess but i’m not gonna be a professional chess player either. so it’s not like i have a huge dilemma. i should be able to do both.
but i want to be good at chess, much better than i am now, i want to understand it’s secrets, discover it’s hidden beauty, see how the pieces move like the cosmos dancing. but to improve in chess i need to put in the time, the hours, and those are hours that i could be and very well might be out riding my bicycle on the most perfect singletrack trails in the country.
which puts me in such a funk, i end up sitting on the couch watching reality television, my other mistress (but one i’m not particularly devoted to).
i hope i get my chess lust back. maybe i’m just on my chess period, and this will go away.
i feel better now that i’ve typed it and got it out of my head. perhaps i’ll go study, right after i get back from a ride.
Edwin said,
April 17, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I think that is the best way for you to treat it. Like your “chess period”. If you do not feel like chess, then don’t force it. I think that only works against you. I do wonder though, everytime i read similar posts from you in which you tell everyone you want to be able to play chess like someone who knows how to play damn chess i ask myself; how much basics do you know really? Did you ever read a book like say Chess For Dummies or something alike? It can really be an eye opener you know? Now i know i’m no expert on the matter of chess self-improvement, but what i feel has really been a big help to my game is a course based on the Dutch steps method. What i would want to recommend for you to get is theTasc Chess Software Program which also offers that course. I also believe the Chessmaster tutorials are really great. But you would have to buy the Chessmaster program for that. But i truly believe that if you finish either one of those, you’ll be able to play yourself a fine game of chess.
Polly said,
April 17, 2008 at 11:01 pm
CL: I can relate to that feeling! I finally got my butt out on my bike today, and damn it was nice. Now that the weather is getting nice my bike and I will get back together. Fortunately chess is one of those things that can be done at night.
You can have it both ways. You just have schedule your time. Ae you going to be out partying with the bike guys 7 nights a week? On those non party nights you can get some studying in, or play a few games on the internet. You don’t have to spend 3 hours a day studying chess. 1 hour here, 1/2 hour there. You will still gain benefit from that.
I’m going to have trouble scheduling as I try to balance cycling, chess and TDK. Somehow when it’s 75 and sunny out I am probably not going to want to be inside the do jang getting my ass kicked by some overly aggressive black belt who is forgetting that I’m a patzer.
David K, Seattle said,
April 17, 2008 at 11:24 pm
not to pull your chain but–in all seriousness–didnt you have a plan? plans are the starter motors that get the engine going on any cold day. with a plan, you know WHAT you supposed to do and WHEN you are supposed to do it, and our GOALS and our commitment to our goals tell us how much work to do on our plan, relative to getting there–attainment of specific key measures (i.e. i will do X number of Reinfeld or Y number of games from Nunn Understanding Chess Move by Move per month, or Grandmaster Secrets, etc).
if you are not doing this either your plan is not real, or if it is real, then you dont have discipline for it!
think about it. warmest, dk
wang said,
April 17, 2008 at 11:55 pm
What he said.
It sounds like you can go biking whenever you want. So do! You can study chess whenever you want also. It seems to me that you are a little more concerned right now with getting better at chess. That plus given the fact that you don’t train for bike races you should spend some tine studying the chess.
Unfortunately, chess isn’t like biking for you. You compete in chess, you don’t race. If it were flipped around (ie you raced but just liked playing chess) it would be a no brainer. You’d relegate chess to a passing hobby, but you’d take your bike training pretty seriously.
Just because chess is a mental activity doesn’t mean that you can blow off the training. Now given that weather is a serious concern where you live you need to take that into consideration, so maybe you give your self more time in the spring and summer for biking, seeing as you probably won’t do much of it in December anyway. Maybe that’s when you go to big tournaments, in the late fall and winter. Don’t do anything other than local tournaments during the spring/summer.
Just an idea.
Tacticus Maximus said,
April 18, 2008 at 5:35 am
For what it is worth I thought you played pretty well in our game. But you did seem to have trouble with the transition from a Sicilian to a French.. We were both moving pretty quickly. The game is online with my other LEPer tourney games. http://glennwilson.com/chess/
Chess or Biking? One is mostly mental and the other is mostly physical. It seems to me they complement each other nicely. If you’re not into chess right now you either stay away or keep playing/studying anyway. Decide and act.
Ivan W. said,
April 18, 2008 at 7:42 am
I hope you get over your ‘chess period’. Are you having second thoughts about Chicago? I used to do a lot of mountain biking . I still have my Cuda I bought more than 10 years ago. I plan to do some traveling to the Boulder / Moab area.
takchess said,
April 18, 2008 at 7:51 am
Some how I picture you setting up the bike outside on rollers and working through games with a small analysis board while you train.
My two cents on the previous post. If you think you are getting something out of Zurich’s book most likely you are .You don’t have to understand it all. I thought it was a little too advanced for me and too hard work. Some day I will understand his discussions on the color complexs and some of his deeper insights about the game.
If you played at the level of the Zurich guys you would kick butt on the local level. Then again , I think if you played at the level of the old timers .Mieses or Chigorin you would kick butt as well as least in those openings.
Soapstone said,
April 18, 2008 at 7:55 am
Learn balance, Daniel-san. Luckily our hobbies are not the jealous types, so we can two-time them. I suppose the disappointment of poor performance is how they punish us. In the end, I guess it’s up to you to decide if this hobby brings you more enjoyment than misery.
blunderprone said,
April 18, 2008 at 10:07 am
Like Soapstone points out, it’s not like your Bike is making you pack a bag to deicide whether you want to spend time with it or THOSE pieces.
(I see the Porn surfing takes a back seat)
abuteague said,
April 18, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I am preparing for a chess tournament too, but I also practice mandolin daily. Biking seems like a better match though for chess. Physical activity increases brain activity. What does mandolin do for my chess? I get tunes stuck in my head. For me, chess is driving the bus right now though, so I’ve had to turn down some gigs. Hey, I want to win.
When I was bike touring I had a zip up flap for my handle bars that held a map of where I was going. You need the same, but with chess positions or algebraic notation of a short game that you try to visualize. Just make sure they aren’t so difficult that you end up running your bike into a tree or off a cliff.
chessloser said,
April 19, 2008 at 6:24 pm
edwin - i’m pretty sure i know the basics, but that is a good question. what are the “basics” that i need to know? i thought about some computer programs like the ones you mentioned, i just don’t know. i prefer the books…you brought up good points, as always, thanks….
polly - amen about chess being done at night, no matter what weather. i do study when i can, but i feel if i don’t study for at least an hour a day, full attention, i’m not really studying….
david - actually, i don’t think i had a set “plan.” i know what i should/want to/would like to do, but i don’t think i ever committed to a specific “plan.” that is what i must do first. set down exactly what/how i plan to improve….
wang - damn good points, but even though i don’t compete in cycling, i love love love cycling. also, since i don’t compete, there is less pressure to perform, and so is more “attractive” in that i dont have to deal with stomach wrenching failure….
tacticus - thanks, i thought i played like shit….
ivan - chicago is locked in, it’s happening no matter what. if you EVER travel to moab, you GOTTA drop by, i’m on the way, right on highway 70. if you bring a bike, i’ll take you on the local trails, if not, i’ll just make you a dinner and we can hang out…
takchess - i can’t take more than 10 minutes on rollers, i get bored. plus the flowing through trails and scenery is what i love most about cycling…
soapstone - honestly, i can’t tell if chess brings me more joy or sorrow, i just know i’m compelled to play it…
blunderprone - actually, the bikes do get a bit jealous, i can feel it…there is always time to surf porn while i wait for the other guy on ICC to make his moves…
abuteague - i bet the mandolin playing helps with nimble fingers for quick moves and takes in blitz. i know the little map cases you are talking about, i could put some tactics puzzles in it and study them on long uphill climbs….
Polly said,
April 20, 2008 at 10:37 am
Lol @ Tak. Years ago I would put my bike on an indoor trainer in front of the computer, prop up the key board on a chair by the bike and play against chess master. The problem was when it was my move I’d almost come to stop pedaling in order to come up with a move. I gave up on such multitasking.