what happens in vegas…..
will be posted in detail right here on this blog, perhaps with incriminating photos (if i’m lucky). faces will be changed or blurred, but names, phone numbers, social security numbers, and bowling averages will be accurate and posted.
yeah, so i’m going to the big international chesstival, and it’s less than a week away. i’m doing fucking yardword, YARDWORK!!!! for fuck’s sake, effectively ruining my weekend (the fags in my neighborhood reported me for having a crappy yard, and i got a letter from the city. so now i’m covering my yard with rocks. damn, rocks are heavy) and i gotta work today, blah blah blah. still, i will have some time to drill tactics, go over openings, look at porn, the usual training regime. then wednesday i drive drive drive to the city of lost wages. ms chessloser will be bringing her bikini and is prepared to sit by the pool and drink fruity drinks while i get my ass kicked by 13 year olds. she will relax in the sun while i’m in the room crying and thinking how much i suck and hate my life.
this is my idea of a good time.
i’m still kinda in the “chess groove” from chicago, i hope it lasts. frankly, i’m pretty fuckin excited. vegas will be a blast. i hope to meet some new friends there, and if i’m lucky, i might win a game or two. now, off to work.
interview with GM Hikaru Nakamura
so i just finished the last round, the “beer round,” of the chicago open. the beers were warm and one of them exploded and spilled all over me, so my jeans got soaked and i smelled like a homeless guy. i go to mark my results on the board, and in the hallway is GM nakamura. he doesn’t look like he is in too much of a rush so i ask him if he would do a quick interview with me for my blog, and he actually said yes!!! honestly, i was a bit surprised, but he agreed to, so i jumped in with the hard hitting questions.
chessloser: ok, first question, coke or pepsi?
GM Nakamura: neither.
cl: what is your favorite game, one that you are proud of, that you would want everyone in the chess world to see?
GM Nakamura: Barcelona 2007 against Krasenkow, i’m black.
cl: how do you deal with losing?
GM Nakamura: i don’t’ lose that much anymore. when i do, i listen to music, go for a walk, do something not chess related. the worst thing i think you can do is look at chess immediately after a game. just clear your head.
cl: have you ever been sick of chess, just not wanted to play anymore?
GM Nakamura: no, i’ve needed a small break, but i’ve never wanted to not play chess.
cl: if there was no chess, what would you do?
GM Nakamura: stock trader.
cl: you’re japanese, what is your favorite ramen? (note for those who don’t know, ramen is actually a kick ass meal, made various different ways, nothing close to what we call ramen here in the states. to learn more about ramen, go to http://www.worldramen.net/)
GM Nakamura: i like soba, the cold noodles.
cl: how long can you hold your breath?
GM Nakamura: i don’t know, about 20 seconds. is that bad?
cl: that’s badass. thanks for your time.
i then offered him a sticker, he politely declined to take it.
here is the thing: he had just finished a tournament, was tied for 1st place, and i don’t think he was too happy with himself or his performance (me, i’d be thrilled to be tied for 3rd, but then again, i suck). he had things on his mind. i walk up to him looking and smelling like some homeless bum asking him for an interview for a blog he’s never heard of. he could have said he was busy, but he didn’t. he was gracious, personable, and pretty damn cool about it all. as far as i’m concerned, nakamura is a professional, classy kinda guy, intelligent, and a snazzy dresser, and i’m glad i had the opportunity to talk with him.
chicago open 2008: the tournament of misery and despair
*Edit note: i tried to use the chesspublisher to post my games, so you can just watch the game with commentary, but it turns out wordpress won’t allow it, so i’ll just put up the moves and you have to copy pasta them into a pgn viewer of your choice. any other way i can use a pgn viewer?*
i tried to think up a creative way to work in the phrase “the night chicago died,” alluding to the song, but since i couldn’t come up with anything, it will not be mentioned at all whatsoever during this post.
the flight to chcago, although i went from grand junction, east to denver, west to salk lake city, then east to chicago, went smooth and without a hitch. i got to the hotel no problem, and was surprised at how swanky it was. for such a swanky ass hotel, there are no phone books in the rooms and no HBO guide, so i dont’t know when “real sex” or other soft core porn is on. still, a nice hotel.
DAY ONE
“chicago” is actually about an hour away, even though it’s only about 20 miles from the hotel. there is a metro station near the hotel, so i spend my morning taking the metro to union station, downtown chicago, and walk to millennium park to take pics like the tourist i am. metro runs all over and is quite easy to get around with, and quite comfortable. beats the fuck out of dealing with the hellish traffic.
i enlist the aid of two chicks, theresa and maggie, who were standing around, to hold up a sticker, they seem nice, no chance they will come back to the hotel with me to party, i think the chess crowd is a bit too rowdy for them.
one more tourist pic and back to the hotel
chicago is a lot cleaner than i expected. of course all i saw of it was a small section of the downtown, from union center train station to millenium park, where i got the pics, and back. i saw the sears tower, the chicago tribune building, walked across the bridges, all rather scenic. and damn, it sure is windy, go figure. i wish i had more time to hang out and see shit and eat at the tasty resaurants, like smoque. but i have no time to fuck around, not today thank you kindly. there is chess to be played.
i get back to the hotel, hang out, get ready for the first round. i’m not quite “on”, i’m not feeling it. i know if i just play good moves i should do ok. lots of russians around, that scares me, but they are all in the higher sections. i should be ok, i’m ready to go.
the chess hall is quiet, save for the occasional cough, grunt, fart, the hum and whir of the air conditioning and and the clicking of clocks like a plague of chittering crickets. men sit with their heads in their hands, faces screwed into a distorted mask of thought-pain, thinking so hard it hurts. chess is a game, but no one looks like they are having any fun. they look like prisoner slaves forced into death games for the emperor’s amusement. TDs walk the aisles like guards at the gulag, making sure no one tries anything funny. outside in the hall, separated by a mere 2 inches of door, kids are running around, laughing, playing, parents relax reading, sitting in front of laptops, talking, resting. another world completely.
ROUND 1
i’m starting the tournament off against the strongest player in the section, rated 1299. just under the cutoff. a bit suspect, but if i beat him, life will be great. i set up the board and clock, and run off to my room for a new pen. i come back, the guy, who is playing white, already started the clock. now, i thought black starts the clock, but he just decided to start the game. a bit of a cockbite thing to do, but whatever. his name is frank he is from texas, and he looks like the gym teacher on beavis and butthead, only fat, like he’s smuggling a turtle under his shirt. he has a soft, femenine voice, crew cut hair, and a stomach that seems quite familiar with the more-than-all-you-can-eat buffet at the golden corral. i hope he is a chess hustler, otherwise, he is just a sad pathetic human. he plays like shit, making scared, crappy moves. and each move takes him about 10 minutes. i think “fuck, this guy is gonna kill me, he must really be good.” turns out, he wasn’t. i get a winning position and he is in time trouble. i have about an hour on the clock, he has less than a minute and we are at move twenty something. so i have this winning position and i think “he will run out of time, no worry.” he has three, THREE FUCKING SECONDS on the clock, and starts to blitz, making 10 moves in 3 seconds and still has three seconds. what the fuck? time is distorted, it’s like that last 2 minutes of a football game that takes 30 minutes.
he makes it to 40 moves, and sits back and prepares to grind it out. i am incredulous. we’ve been playing for 3 hours, it’s 11 oclock, he is losing but wants to drag this shit out. we trade queens, i lose interest and resign.
here is the thing. i should admire him for his tenacity, but i pity him and have no respect for him. had he played well and beaten me, i wouldn’t mind losing to him, but it seems like a cheap win. i can’t play good chess, so i’ll just wear my opponent down until he quits. poor fat fuck clearly needed the win, maybe the cash, to fulfill his pathetic life. i got partying to do, bikes to ride, a wife and friends. this is just a game, and if he needs it that bad, if winning is so important to him, clearly he should win. i’m most angry at myself, but i learned a lesson, so i’m better for it. i got sucked into his time trouble, i expected him to resign, i thought time would run out and i mentally stopped playing. i just can’t believe that 3 seconds lasted for about a minute and a half. i should have ignored the time, thought, played chess, and beaten him. my opponent’s time trouble is not mine. i figured if i took my time to think, he would also use it to think, so i figured i should not give him time. i was wrong. i should take my time and play the best moves, no matter what. always. but i didn’t, and i deserved to lose. simple. i guess if i were really that good i would have mated him, he had more stamina than i, so he is the better chess player. looking back over the game, i could have at least fucked up his program, but i missed it, so clearly i’m not better than he is. i just feel dirty from the experience, and it sours the tournament for me. i just don’t want to play, don’t want to be part of it.
back at my room, i lay awake, thinking about what had happened. first off, my clock was on 2 hours with delay, it should have been 1:55 with delay, or 2 without. so we had an extra 5 minutes or whatever. also, perhaps i’m just not cut out to be a competetive chess player, i clearly don’t want it as bad. yeah, it kills me when i lose to someone i think i should beat, but did i stay to grind it out? no, i got pissed cause some guy wanted to fight to the end to win. i can’t fault him for it (but it still felt cheap and sleazy, dishonorable) so maybe i shouldn’t play in tournaments. i go to tournaments to meet cool people and play chess and have fun, perhaps that’s the wrong attitude. or at least i shouldn’t be upset with those to try any little thing they can to win, cause that is what they are there for.
here is the game.
1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 e6 3. c4 Nc6 4. Nc3 e5 5. d3 g6
6. h4 h6 7. Bd2 d6 8. a3 Bg4 9. Be2 Bxf3 10. Bxf3 Nge7
11. Ne2 h5 12. b4 Nd4 13. Nxd4 exd4 14. g4 Qc7 15. gxh5 Nc6
16. hxg6 fxg6 17. bxc5 O-O-O 18. cxd6 Bxd6 19. Bg5 Rdf8 20. Bg4+ Kb8
21. Qd2 Ne5 22. Be2 Rf3 23. Rf1 Rxd3 24. Qb2 Nf3+ 25. Bxf3 Rxf3
26. Qxd4 Re8 27. Be3 b6 28. Qd5 Be5 29. Rd1 Bc3+ 30. Ke2 Rff8
31. Qd6 Kb7 32. Qxc7+ Kxc7 33. f3 Rh8 34. Rh1 Kc8 35. Rd3 Bf6 (by this point, i lost interest, played a few more moves, and resigned on move 42)
DAY TWO
it’s bright and sunny, i feel hungover even though i didn’t drink. i spend my morning going grocery shopping so i have stuff to eat, then back to the room. blunderprone calls me, he has been texting me encouragement, we talk. between him, wang, wahrheit, and all the other bloggers, i feel like part of a community, and it’s cool. i still feel like shit from last night though. it really got to me. back at the chess hall, there is tension in the air. a weird vibe hangs over the crowd, i imagine a similar vibe hung over the people on the titanic. maybe it’s just me. i take pics of the GMS at the front of the hall. tigran petrosian is playing, damn, i should ask him to sign my book. he looks a lot younger than he does on the cover. turns out, it’s not the same guy, but with that name, did he have any other choice than to be a GM? i didn’t get a picture of him though, go figure.
ROUND 2
i’m paired against a 997. good kid, plays basic, strong moves. i think i have him, then i don’t, then i do, then he resigns. he is angry with himself, but we talk. he is a cool guy, plays good chess, i suspect his rating will go up shortly. i had to fight for the win, but i’m not proud or happy about it. had i lost, they probably would find me dead in my room, like alekhine.
in the lobby, people are playing blitz, hanging out, it’s actually convivial.
ROUND THREE
i’m black against a 12XX, who also happens to be 12 years old. he is cocky but not arrogant, i don’t want to play, i know i’m gonna lose. i fuck up the sicilian opening, i end up losing a knight, i get a brief amount of counterplay right before i lose. funny thing, there is always that glimmer of hope right before you get your dick ground in the dirt, like an outlaw running for the border, he sees the line, thinks “i’m gonna make it,” then gets shot in the knees, falls, and gets trampled and eaten by rabid wolverines. that’s what it’s like when i lose at chess.
the kid’s parents are hovering nearby, checking on him, watching him from a distance, occasionally coming up to the board. speaking of parents, there is this one hot chess mom, i can’t help but look at her, ogle, stare, whatever you want to call it. i can’t think of a good reason to get a picture of her, but man, she was smokin. then there is this one chess dad whose kid was in my section. he stood behind his son the entire game, every game, the whole tournament. big guy, looked like a hockey dad. i think he may have once let out a “yeah!” or “no!” or something, but i never heard him say anything, he just stood there, smiling, watching. i can’t tell if it was creepy or not. he might really just enjoy watching his kid play chess, but it was a bit odd.
back in my room, i’m laying on the bed, and i hear a kid in the next room crying. i hear sobs muffled words, then hear “i always lose, unless i’m lucky enough to draw.” oh, another chess player.
DAY THREE
it’s sunny outside, but gloomy in my soul. i really really don’t want to play. i figure i will just resign by move 20.
ROUND FOUR
i drag my ass down to the chesshall, i’m paired against a 700. fucking just great. time starts, guy doesn’t show, so i sit and wait a bit. finally i start the clock and wait. kid sitting next to me is also waiting for his opponent. eventually, the guy shows up, an older fella, just had open heart surgery two weeks ago. he sits down, then gets up, gets a drink, sits down, says hi, talks a bit. i mention i started the clock, he says “ok” and adjusts himself, gets ready, talks a bit, then makes his first move. this guy may physically be at a tournament, but he is in the coffee shop, and we are at our weekly chess get together. we play a nice game, chat, take our time. this guy has the right attitude, i don’t see him staying awake at night thinking about how he should have taken that pawn or whatever. i feel almost bad when i mate him, we talk some more, and that is that. nice guy, but i still feel like crap, i still don’t want to play. i guess it was a “victory” but it was hallow. no need to see the game.
ROUND FIVE
i’m paired against an 800, asian kid. i’m playing black. fuck, i’m gonna lose to an 800. i know it, i can feel it, i don’t want to play. the pain and humiliation of losing again, and this time to an 800, is unbearable. at move 17 i get up, go to the bar and get a beer. fuck it, i’m bored, i don’t want to be playing, i just want this to be over, so i start drinking. the kid is generating a nice attack, i’m interested to see how he kills me, maybe i can learn something. i go get another beer and sit back to enjoy watching my defeat. i see how far i can go, i trade queens. we are down to rooks. i start thinking i have a chance, i figure if i force the trade of rooks, i can get to my passed pawn before he does. i force the trade of rooks and it works, i’m at my pawn. he makes the exact wrong move with his king, i end up with two queens and a point. holy fuck, that silman endgame book works. i actually learned something.
while we are playing, there is a kid at the table behind us, crying. i assume he is losing. his dad and brothers and friends try to console him. a few minutes later, another burst of tears and loud sobs. this kid is either gonna quit chess, become a bitter old man, or commit suicide. how many other kids at this tournament are beating themselves up for losing at a game that has no actual relevance to self worth?
i think this was a really good game, and i daresay, i played a brilliant endgame, at least for us down in the gutters. the kid didn’t really make any mistakes, no blunders, it was a solid even game until the end. i won, but i’m still not happy. i feel good, but mostly cause i’m buzzing. i don’t’ feel like i accomplished anything, beating someone under 1000 doesn’t make me proud or make me think i know how to play chess.
nice game though, here it is, i’m black.
1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 e6 3. d3 Nc6 4. g3 g6 5. Bg2 Bg7
6. O-O Nge7 7. Nc3 O-O 8. Be3 d6 9. Nd2 e5 10. f4 b6
11. Nf3 exf4 12. Bxf4 Bd4+ 13. Kh1 Bg4 14. h3 Bxf3 15. Bxf3 Be5
16. Bxe5 (i’m bored, i go get a beer) Nxe5 17. Bg2 Qd7 18. Kh2 Rad8 19. Nd5 Nxd5 20. exd5 h5
21. c4 (one more beer) Kg7 22. b3 Rh8 23. d4 cxd4 24. Qxd4 Rh6 25. Rf2 Rhh8
26. Raf1 Rhf8 27. h4 Kg8 28. Bh3 Ng4+ 29. Bxg4 Qxg4 30. Qxg4 hxg4
31. Rf4 f5 32. h5 Kg7 33. hxg6 Kxg6 (i think i can win an endgame, so i force the trade of rooks) 34. Kg2 Rde8 35. R1f2 Rf7
36. Kf1 Re4 37. Rxe4 fxe4 38. Rxf7 Kxf7 39. Kf2 Kf6 (holy shit, it worked! alright silman!) 40. Ke3 Ke5
41. Ke2 Kd4 42. Kd2 e3+ 43. Ke2 Ke4 44. Kf1 Kf3 45. Ke1 Kxg3
46. Ke2 Kf4 47. Ke1 g3 48. Kf1 Kf3 49. b4 g2+ 50. Kg1 e2
51. Kh2 e1=Q 52. c5
there is a wedding reception going on, perhaps i should crash it. nah, i don’t’ feel like doing anything, i go back to my room, turn on the tv, and go to sleep.
DAY FOUR
outside it’s sunny like tattooine, but my soul is dark and damp like degobah. last day, i hope it’s over soon.
ROUND SIX
i’m paired against a 1200. older guy, seems gruff, no fun. i’m gonna lose, i can feel it. i hope it goes quickly. we get into it, he busts out a benko, i play a benko declined. he gets a nice attack going. i make some move and he says “wise ass.” i say something, he says something, and for the rest of the game, we chat while we play. i make a move, he says “damn, you are blowing me away” and i say “quit mocking me, just beat me and get it over with.” witty banter abounds. it’s a fun game, exciting, interesting, i’m gonna lose but i’m having a blast. afterwards, we go to the skittles room to go over the game. we play a few games with variations on moves i could have made, talking, joking. i see what would have worked (maybe) and what wouldn’t have. what a great guy. this is the best game i’ve had so far, even though it’s a loss, this is what i’m here for. i’m here to play chess, and win or lose, have a good time, learn, meet someone new and cool. this right here is the best round of the tournament, i had the most fun, the guy was super cool. we trade contact info, hopefully we’ll see each other again.
ROUND SEVEN
last round. beer round. it started in reno, and from now on, no matter how i’m doing, my last round of a tournament will be a “beer round” where i drink a beer while i play. i hope this catches on, i think more people should relax and have a “beer round.”
i’m playing against another 1200, but i think he was a provisional 1200. i drink and manage a win. the game doesn’t last too long, and it ends with a nice mate.
i’m black, here is the game
1. e4 c5 2. Nc3 Nc6 3. Bc4 e6 4. Nf3 g6 5. d3 Bg7
6. Be3 Nge7 7. Qd2 Nd4 8. Bh6 Nxf3+ 9. gxf3 Bd4 10. O-O-O d5
11. Bb5+ Bd7 12. Bxd7+ Qxd7 13. Be3 Bxc3 14. bxc3 Qa4 15. Qe2 d4
16. cxd4 cxd4 17. Bf4 Qa3+ 18. Kb1 Rc8 19. Rd2 Rc6 20. Ka1 Qc3+
oustide, i see GM Hikaru Nakamura, so i ask him for an interview, AND HE AGREES! holy crap, i can’t believe it.
so i win my last game, and i get to interview GM Nakamura (interview will be posted next post) and i should be feeling great.
while at the tournament, i met chessdad 64 and i even got to meet Ivan, if only for about 3 minutes. Marshall, a super cool guy who sent me an email before i got to chicago, we met up, he kicked my ass in some blitz games, he went over a game or two with me. i let him down though, no wild party in my room with booze and chicks and such. i hope we meet again at a tournament. i also met Richard, who was walking around with a Lebowski T shirt. turns out, we are quite similar, eerily similar, we have the same sense of humor, same ideas and attitudes. i met Cuneyd, the guy who beat me in the 6th round and his buddy the bum who drives for him and i think also teaches him how to play the benko correctly. those are two guys i hope i’m like when i get a bit older. i met some kick ass people, it all ended on a good note with a GM interview. that’s how chess gets you. it beats you down, makes you cry, then gives you a big hug and a chocolate bacon cake and free booze and you forget what it did to you, you just remember the good stuff, and you come back for more.
holy shit, i’m in an abusive relationship with chess.
the chicago open was run super smoothly, well organized, and in a nice area. einstine bagles and white castle are close by, so that right there makes it a great destination. the hotel was super nice, the people were pretty damn cool, and it attracted some hefty GMs. it would be so worth going to, if i lived closer, i would go again.
my next tournament is vegas. it will be my last tournament for the year, and i’m seriously thinking it might be my last tournament, period. i don’t’ know, i have to think things out…..
tomorrow i post the interview with GM nakaumura.
another chance to excell or fail miserably and have fun doing either
it’s wednesday morning, tomorrow i fly to chicago to throw down some chess. even though i’ll be at work all day, in my mind i’ll be in chicago, pushing pawns, killing kings, doing bodyshots off of half naked strippers in my hotel room. that’s right, once the chicks find out i’m a chessplayer, they will be all like “oooh, take me back to your place! we wanna meet other chessplayers and party with them, cause we heard crazy stories and we wanna see if they are true.” and i’ll be all like “are you sure you strippers can hang with us chessplayers?” and they will be all “we want to at least try to hang with you guys as long as we can. please take us back to the chess hotel.” and i will, cause i’m like that.
i am going to play violent decisive chess. i’m gonna follow my routine that i started in reno, i’m gonna take my time, look at each position. i’m gonna talk to my pieces, see where they want to be. i’m gonna attack and keep the other guy off balance.
as usual, i won’t have a computer with me, so this will be the last post until i get back and post the tournament report. as usual, i’m hoping there will be some good pics. and interesting crap to read about. if you are gonna be there, let’s hang out. i’ll be the guy in the Under 1300 section with the bicycle tattoo on his arm and the HARDCORE PAWNOGRAPHY sticker on his chess clock. say hi, i’ll give you a sticker.
no matter what happens, i’m gonna meet some cool guys, i’m gonna have a kick ass time, i’m gonna chess it up in Illinois.
alright, where is edwin?
i haven’t said anything cause i figured he would resurface, have a new name, a new blog, whatever. but now i’m wondering where the fuck he is. for a brief moment, i thought he was “the chess player” but then “the chess player” denied it, so there is that.
edwin “dutch defense” meyer, also known as ookwelbeckendalsmec (an ancient dutch warrior king? a cat walked across his keyboard? now i’ll never know) was one of the first guys reading my blog, i think he was my first blogroll link. he helped me out so much, with both chess and getting my blog going.
he had a great blog, with a picture of mr t pointing at you, telling you to study hard and be a badass chessplayer. but then deleted it. but he came back with another kick ass blog, longer posts, great stories of kicking ass at his local chess club. he is the guy who got me into training with solitaire chess. he is the guy who got me to look at bobby fischer’s games really closely and recognize fischer’s genius. i’m sure he didn’t know that, but he inspired me.
i miss edwin, i hope all is well with him, i hope he comes back someday. if he doesn’t, i can understand that and i respect that. i wish him luck and happiness and good fortune in everything he does. i hope he knows that i was a huge fan of his.
this week: chicago; next week: the world
it’s monday, the first day of the rest of my life. the sun is coming through the blinds making neat shadows on the wall. i just ate some leftover waffles from yesterday’s breakfast (i make a batch of waffles on sunday, have them all week long). i’m listening to guns n roses.
today i go to work, tomorrow i’m off, wednesday i work, and thursday i fly to chicago for the
CHICAGO OPEN. on one hand, i think “i’m playing in the under 1200 section, i should destroy that section.” on the other foot, i’m thinking “crap, i’m not quite sure i know what i’m doing, there is so much i just don’t know, there is gonna be some unrated dude who is gonna win every game, i’m gonna suck, and i don’t much care cause i’m going for the travel and to meet people and to party.”
so i got little debate going through my mind.
see, i want both. i want to party like a rockstar, meet people, have a great time. but while i’m doing that, i want to play excellent bad ass chess and dominate. they are not mutually exclusive, i should be able to do both. but i’m just not that good at chess, which bums me out. so i think, well, i can at least have fun. and as trite and loserish as that sounds (cause you always console the sucky ones with “hey, at least you had fun, and that is what really matters!” and in some cases, that’s true, but….) i will have fun.
this tournament will be different for me. i’m going into it with little to no pressure. that’s good and bad. i need pressure and threat of doom to keep me sharp, otherwise i don’t pay attention and don’t care what happens. pressure and threats are what keep me focused. but i don’t have pressure because, even if i lose every game, i’ll still be me, still have the same friends, still be able to ride my bike whenever i want, still have pizza and beer nights. ultimately, it doesn’t matter. as long as i can avoid committing suicide in my hotel room and get over the pain and shame of losing every damn game, i’ll be fine, life will go on, that will be that.
damn chess has me in it’s thrall, i want to be good and i take it as personal failure, a direct reflection on me, if i lose. that’s just insane. but there it is. so i have to do well, i have to win. and in the under 1200 section! i totally (erroneously) believe i’m better than any 1200, so it better be a fucking breeze to win. but i know it’s not like that, i will have to be on my guard, play seriously, take my opponents seriously, respect them enough to not slack off.
and now i’m just rambling, and i need to get ready for work. there is nothing to do now but pack, get ready to meet folks and party, and get ready to have a kick ass time. whatever i know now will have to be enough to get by with.
damn, i’m excited.
game over: kasparov and the matrix
i woke up yesterday and my dick was bright orange, freaked me out so much i went to the doctor as soon as he opened. i showed him my dilemma and he was stunned. asked me the obvious questions, had i been taking tons of beta-carrotine, eating tons of carrots, working with chemicals or hazmat, doing any drugs, etc. we had to pin it down to something that was out of the ordinary in the last month or so, so he asked me if i had done anything different lately. i told him i had stuck to my regular routine, nothing different. i wake up, eat, go to work, come home, maybe ride my bike, play some chess, and then eat cheetos and watch porno movies until i fall asleep.
so i watched “Game Over: Kasparov and the Machine,” the film about garry playing against deep blue. good movie, i liked it, but really, i just don’t get it.
perhaps because i take things for granted, or because i’m just really stupid (which is probably the real reason) but it’s no surprise to me that a computer would win. it’s a fucking computer. i know the thing that was suspect was when garry offered the computer a piece and it didn’t take it, which is against a computer’s logic, shows human emotion and reasoning, and garry felt like he was playing against a computer and about three other people, including joel benjamin (who, now that i’ve seen the movie, i can’t look at the same way when i watch him on ICC).
but still, the idea that a human can beat a computer, to me, is ridiculous, no matter how good the human is. i’m not surprised that a human can’t outrun a moped, or outlift a crane either.
but the idea that a computer would make a decision that a human would make, would not take a piece that was offered because it realized that wasn’t the strongest move, that is interesting. on one hand, i can see it. the computer goes through the calculations and all various lines and realizes what would happen if it took the piece and what would happen if it didn’t, and saw that not taking would be stronger. yeah, i can see that. totally plausible. but if it wasn’t obvious, then garry was right, there was a human mind behind the move.
OR, they created a computer that could reason like an emotional human, a computer that could one day realize it is smarter and better than humans and get lonely and engineer and build other computers so it has friends, and they would in turn realize they are smarter and better than humans and not want to be slaves to the humans and eventually have a revolt, take over the world, and enslave mankind.
and garry would have to get together a crack team of stupendous badasses (i can’t figure out a way to hyper link wahrheit, who i got the term “stupendous badass” from, blunderprone, liquid egg product, and pretty much everyone in my links and some who aren’t in my links, all in one link. you have to imagine i did for the full effect) to fight the computers and take back the world.
anyway, the actual movie was interesting and if you get a chance to see it and like that sort of thing, yeah, see it.
i just think it would have been way cooler if kasparov wore a trenchcoat and did kung-fu.
another example of fighting on, and making my own pasta
everyone has a good example of how they were down and losing but kept playing on and won the game, just like in a cheesy disney movie. yesterday, i had another one, and it was pretty sweet.
i’m white and open with d4, he plays, according to ICC, the Kevitz-Trajkovich defense (A50). whatever, he’s got pawns on d5 and e5, knights on c3 and g3, the center is full of stuff, like a busy intersection in tokyo. on move 18 i lose my knight and he is a piece up.
on move 22, the board looked like this, with white to move
i move the king, really i just want to resign, but i have nothing better to do, i play on, just to see how he destroys me.
but wait! is that a glimmer of hope i have? did the music in the background just change ever so slightly and subtly pick up to a more happy, inspiring tone?
i’m like batman or james bond, just about to be ripped to shreds or pulled apart or frozen or drown or whatever, when i get out of certain death.
king to h1, his queen takes e3. if he brings his rook to check, i take his rook, he takes my queen. but i have the move, and get my queen out of the way, taking a7. his queen takes yet another pawn with Qxd4, but then i get all Tal on his ass.
25. Rxc6+. ok, i am down two pieces, all i have is a queen and a rook, he has queen and two rooks, and i am set up to die in a back rank mate. but like social security, i keep the checks coming and move his king all over. in a pretty flourish of checks and tactics, i end up taking his rook and queen, and its my queen against his rook. on move 43, my lonely a pawn makes like a pilgrim and goes on a hajj to the promised land, becoming a queen, and i win with two queens against his rook. the game got pretty damn exciting, and those last 20 moves are, i think, beautiful.
here is the game, i’m white
1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 Nc6 3. Nc3 e6 4. e3 d5 5. c5 e5
6. Bb5 Bd7 7. Bxc6 Bxc6 8. dxe5 Ne4 9. Nf3 Nxc3 10. bxc3 Bxc5
11. O-O Qe7 12. Re1 O-O-O 13. Nd4 Bd7 14. e6 fxe6 15. Rb1 e5
16. Qb3 Bb6 17. Ba3 Qh4 18. Bc5 exd4 19. Bxb6 cxb6 20. cxd4 Rhf8
21. Rec1+ Bc6 22. Qa4 Qxf2+ 23. Kh1 Qxe3 24. Qxa7 Qxd4 25. Rxc6+ bxc6
26. Qa6+ Kd7 27. Qb7+ Kd6 28. Rc1 Rd7 29. Qxc6+ Ke5 30. Re1+ Kf5
31. Qxd7+ Kg6 32. Qd6+ Kf7 33. Rf1+ Qf6 34. Qd7+ Kg8 35. Qxd5+ Kh8
36. Rxf6 gxf6 37. h4 Kg7 38. h5 f5 39. Qb7+ Rf7 40. Qxb6 Rf6
41. Qc7+ Rf7 42. Qg3+ Kf6 43. a4 Ke6 44. a5 f4 45. Qg4+ Rf5
46. a6 Ke5 47. a7 Ke4 48. a8=Q+ Ke3 49. Qgf3+ Kd2 50. Qd8+
1-0
as if this wasn’t enough to be a great day, i made my own pasta from scratch, which turned out to be super easy, took about 7 minutes, and came out wonderful. now i can’t understand why more people don’t make their own pasta. all you need is a food processor and a pasta rolling machine. ok, maybe that’s why people don’t make their own. but if you eat lots of noodles, you will save cash in the long run if you buy the pasta roller machine. the food processor makes it go quick, but is not a necessity.
one egg and a bit over 1/3 cup of flour in the food processor until it is like wet sand, about 40 seconds.
dump it and mash it into a ball, about 25 more seconds.
feed, push, cajole, bribe that ball of dough into the pasta rollers on thickest setting, fold what you got and repeat until it has a nice consistency and willingly goes through the rollers.
roll through pasta roller once each time increasingly smaller settings until it’s the thickness you want. if you roll it to a 9, you will have rolled it 9 times, not counting the first few rolls.
fold over and chiffonade (cut) into ribbons of pasta, throw it into boiling water for 4 minutes, and eat.
really, making my own pasta was liberating, so damn easy, so damn tasty, it’s all i thought about for the rest of the day.
after that i went to the bookstore for the “socrates cafe,” an informal armchair philosophy group where regular people who aren’t philosophers philosophize. good times.
yesterday kicked ass.
i want to go over the Tal -Fischer games, where bobby lost. i want to get a feel for the moves, see if i can find other moves that could have been made. that’s what i’m gonna do for the rest of the week. that and make my own damn pasta
pussy motherfuckers on ICC
here is a new installment i will call:
PUSSY CHEATING MOTHERFUCKERS ON ICC
it’s a list of fags who immediately disconnect when you take their queen or whenever they fuck up huge and know they lost. do they resign? no, the cowardly dogfuckers disconnect.
even though i have my parameters to “no disconnect” it allows them and i end up with adjourned games that never get resolved.
so i will just list the AIDS ridden gay homosexuals by name. if you see them on ICC, tell them they are cowardly dishonorable little pussies and will burn in chess hell. also tell them i fucked their mom.
the first fuckstain on my list is:
MKShyam.
this fart in a jar lost a queen and disconnected. then when he came back on, there was an automatic reply, he disconnected, then came back on. this happened about 3 times. we still have an “adjourned game” which i presume he will never ever finish. it’s rated, and god knows how important internet ratings truly are. not like i’m pissed i didn’t get my whole 15 rating points, it’s just the whole principle of the thing.
please, pass on any names of other transgressors, and i will post them.
the party is growing. i think i’m up to 2 people including myself
i just logged on to the email thing and got an email from someone who says he would be interested in partying with me in chicago.
SWEET ASS SWEET!!!! at least i won’t be drinking alone. i figure, if i win, i will be celebrating, if i lose, i will be numbing my aching soul. if i can do either in a hotel room with blaring music and scantily clad chicks dancing around, then THAT is a chess tournament worth going to.
i want to make it more like a festival, with bands, booze, maybe some clowns and overpriced corndogs. sure the main focus is on chess, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a serious and morose funeral-like atmosphere. why can’t we play some serious chess, then go upstairs and blow off steam and relax with an impromptu slip-n-slide down the hotel hallway?
i am really thinking of making up some flyers and passing them around the tournament hall. but to prevent it being a total sausage party, i have to somehow figure out how to get chicks to come to the party. usually the promise of free booze should do it, but telling them they will be drinking with “chess players” may turn them off. it’s that damn stereotype.
ok, i may never make it past a rating of 1200, cause really, i am stupid and i suck at chess no matter what i do, but if i can at least change the image of chess before i die, make people think “chessplayers? fucking rowdy bunch of monsters! they are like a really really intelligent biker gang, oozing with nerdy chic and cool like the other side of the pillow,” then i will not have died in vain.
ok, i’m off to see what to do against the alapin / smith morra gambit.
how gas affects my rating and other random crap
fucking government is run by clueless incompetent monkeys who, armed with a thousand typewriters and 5 bazillion years couldn’t bang out one line from cat in the hat much less shakespear. these fucktards are spending the Gross Domestic Product of fucking myanmar (Burma) trying to convince people to vote for them instead of spending the cash on, say, curing malaria or putting the cash back into the economy so people have houses and water and food and shit.
thing is, they are fucking shit up and the gas prices rise and the economy is tanking and it all affects my chess, and now i’m pissed off.
high gas prices mean airlines go out of business, so i can’t get to tournaments too far away. also driving is getting to expensive, so i can’t get to tournaments too short to fly but too far to ride a bike. i found out today that my man wang can’t make it to vegas and i doubt i’ll make it to tucson.
goddammit, how is my rating supposed to go up (even though it would most likely make like the lusatania and go down) if i don’t play in tournaments? how am i supposed to meet other chess bloggers and get drunk and party like a fucking rockstar if i and others can’t get to tournaments? what happens to the tournaments themselves? soon, people will stop showing up, too damn expensive with the gas, the hotel, food, entry fee, buying books, renting hookers, booze, drugs, bribing police and hotel managers, etc etc, all the regular things that go into a good tournament.
still, i’m going to chicago in a few weeks and i’m excited. my main concern is, how am i gonna pull of a huge party in my room? i want to invite the chessplayers and a bunch of chicks and have booze and music and rip it up. but from what i’ve seen, most players at tournaments are too busy studying in their rooms, or their moms won’t let them drink.
i can’t be the only chess player who also likes to party. i’m thinking of making up flyers and passing them out.
super interesting discussion over at elizabeth vicary’s, but it all takes place in the comments. some dude, who i think is an IM, has a thing against the knight errants and the de la maza school of chess. no big deal, but he came off as an assclown when he said liquid egg product and wahrheit were part of it. the guy was claiming chessbloggers as cultist and such. i think he is just jealous. *note: i realize now as i type this both LEP and wahrheit already posted about this. as with everything in my life, i’m a day late and a dollar short
it’s friday, pizza and beer night. i just got back from a bike ride, i’m gonna study a bunch of alekhine, and then ride my bike down to hot tomato and get me some pizza and beer. anyone reading this, have a great weekend, i wish you all good bishops, strong knights, and open files. chess it up!
zen, mountainbiking, chess, and childlike wonder
went mountainbiking the other day on a trail that was way beyond my ability, both technically and fitness wise. i knew it would be, but i wanted to do it anyway for two reasons: 1. so i know what that trail was about, so i know for sure it is beyond my ability and i don’t just take what is told to me as truth, i wanted to prove to myself for sure it is beyond my ability. question everything. and B. i can’t improve unless i push myself and do things beyond my ability. the only way to learn how to ride that trail is to ride that trail. i’m hoping i can someday ride that trail a bit better, i’m hoping that trail will be within my ability and i deserve to be on(?) belong on(?) that trail
the beautiful thing about that trail was the downhill parts, where i had to really really stay focused and concentrate and think. when mountainbiking on a twisty sketchy trail, your mind can’t wander, or you fall off a mountain or at least fuck up you and your bike on rocks or in cactus or against a tree (note: trees are really really hard and can crack your ribs if you hit them just right. cactus needles stick in are difficult to get out).
for me, mountainbiking is a zen practice. i have to live “in the now” and my mind can’t wander, it has to stay focused on what i am doing, my breathing, where i put my feet, all that stuff. i don’t care about bills, work, who the next president will be any of that, there is just me and the mountain. but at the same time, i have to “think ahead.” when you are on a trail, you have to look as far ahead the trail as possible, and “pre-ride” the trail in your mind, see where you are going to go. you don’t look down where you are, you look ahead where you are going to be, and you adjust now for what will be in a few seconds. the now is already gone, past, done.
to me, this applies so much to chess it’s not even a stretch for me to make it apply. first off, my mind can’t wander when i play, i have to “be present” and see what the fuck is going on on the board. i can’t think of chess when i am biking down a mountain on a trail that is barely wider than my front tire, and i can’t think of biking when i’m playing chess. obvious when i’m sitting around typing it out, but when i’m at the board actually playing chess, what is really going on in my mind? cycling teaches me to focus, teaches me to keep my mind on one task, and i need that when i play chess.
thinking ahead, mentally “pre-riding” the trail is important to be ready for what’s coming and set up to deal with whatever is ahead. my position now is important, but i have to look ahead, what will my position be in two or three moves? so i have to think of now, but also think of the immediate upcoming unavoidable future and prepare to handle that. will i need a bishop covering that square? will i need my rook on that file?
so how can i improve my chess? questions. proving to myself what is the truth. when a child learns a language, he takes it at face value, doesn’t ask why, just copies and does. i tried learning chess by taking the moves from grandmaster games as the answer, not questioning, just copying them and doing what they do. but that only lasts so long, eventually a child starts asking why. “why is the sky blue?” (cause if it were green, you wouldn’t know where to stop mowing the lawn). “why is it raining?” (cause god is crying. “why is god crying” probably something you did, now shut up and leave me alone). i have to ask why. why did alekhine move his bishop there? why didn’t he take the knight first? why did he take the pawn with the bishop and not the knight or the other pawn? why why why?
now, instead of taking every move i see as the absolute correct one, i have to ask why. i have to have that annoying childlike wonder, question each move and prove it was correct or not. doing so which will hopefully lead me to the answer, and i will learn lots of little crap along the way that i didn’t’ even know existed. and hopefully i’ll learn the game better and be stronger.
right now, a rating of 2000 is a trail way beyond my ability, and i know that. i’m hoping i will somehow learn enough to deserve to be on(?) belong on(?) that trail.
tactic battle royale
ok, its a battle royale between two tactic giants. tal and alekhine? nope. morosevich and aronian? nope.
chess tactics server VS chess tempo!!!!
i started with the CTS and liked it, spent lots of hours with it. then one day a friend told me about chess tempo, and i tried it, it was odd, slow, different, i didn’t get into it. many months later i revisited the site, and now i like it.
but i don’t’ know which is better. CTS seems to have a bit more variety of situations, chess tempo seems to be mostly mating puzzles. chess tempo moves slow, you can take your time and look at the board, cts is timed and no matter how much i try, i can’t ignore it.
the wierd thing about chess tempo is, for some reason, even though the problems aren’t harder, it’s hard for me. i miss obvious shit, i just don’t see it.
i’ve been trying to do what Phaedrus had wrote about, and what DK had told me to do, just “sit” with the problems, talk them out, say “this pawn is pinned, the knight attacks the bishop.” and i do that, yet i have this strange blindness to the board, my mind won’t put together the pieces of the puzzle. yet on cts, i don’t have as much of a problem.
is it because the pieces look different? is it the way you move the pieces? chesstempo board and pieces are larger, which should make it easier but it seems more difficult to me.
for now i do them both, but i’m edging a bit more towards chesstempo. i wonder in a chessfight, who would win.
random monday morning
i got a cool idea for a horror movie, i will get M Night Shamalamadingdong or Wes Cravenicecream to direct it. it will be called “rest area” about a couple who are driving down the highway, perhaps to or from a chess tournament, and get off at a slighty sketchy yet sceninc looking rest area to go to the bathroom and then the car “breaks down” and they are stuck and a killer tries to kill them and it turns out while they were going to the bathroom the killer had messed with their car etc etc and it’s really scary. the tagline of the film could be “they stopped to poop, now they are dying to leave” or perhaps “they were just dying to poop” or something like that. i had another one but i forgot it.
you never hear about anyone surfing a river. what if you surfed down a river? you wouldn’t have to worry about getting a wave, the rapids would be pretty gnarly, but it might be fun. that should be the new thing this summer, river surfing.
so i’m gonna go to chicago for the chess tournament. i was thinking of showing up to the first round wearing a pinstripe suit and a fedora and carrying my chess set and clock in a violin case, all capone-style. on one hand i don’t feel ready, on the other hand, fuck it, i’m so ready to play, i just have to remember i’m playing under 1300, i am so (overestimating myself in my own mind of course) better than that, i should destroy them (lying to myself that i’m actually good, when i know i suck but my ego won’t let me admit it)
i’m going with a huge stack of stickers, i’m gonna give em out to everyone i see no matter what. it’s gonna be a huge chess party whether people want it to be or not. i’m gonna have a blast. yeah, i’m excited.
it’s monday, i have pretty much the whole week off, so i’m gonna concentrate on chess this week. i’m gonna study games, do tactics, try and really learn and see the influence of each piece on each square and why some squares are better for pieces than others. all that chess stuff. and i gotta get a pinstripe suit and a violin case.
gettin crazy with the tournaments
it’s the first of may. i am playing in the chicago open three freakin weeks from now, may 23-26th. i don’t think i’m ready for it, but fuck it, i’m playing, cause it’s chess, and that is what i do.
but wait! as if that isn’t enough, i just, nary moments ago, registered for the vegas chess orgy june 5 – 8. as if i’ll be ready for that, or even want to play chess after chicago.
what the fuck am i doing? i’m an addict. i’m a masochist. i have a disease.
i wanna be like the “real” chess slingers. i know that real chess players, the pros, they play in all the tournaments, on the road like rock stars, driving from tourny to tourny, leaving a trail of trashed hotel rooms, broken hearts, and poor suckers reeling from acute and massive rating loss in their wake. i wanna be like a chess tornado, leaving a trail of devastation across the country. because that is what they do. that is what i wanna do.
but i’m not a professional chessman. i’m just an enthusiast. and a sucky one at that. who am i to go to all these tournaments? i may be able to win the occasional game online against some drunk guy, or someone trying some new weird line, yeah, great. but in the tournament hall, at the board, when every heartbeat can be heard, when things are so on edge and you are so focused the bead of sweat running down your back feels like a stampede of horses and you can hear your opponent breathing, it’s different. every move matters, no time for fucking around, the shit is on the line. its real.
seriously, am i ready for that? sitting here in the comfort of my room the idea of playing in a chess tournament is amusing, interesting, sounds like fun. but i forget what it’s like sitting there. i forget the agony, the hellish pain of failure, the sheer stress of it all.
i feel like martin sheen in apocalypse now. when i’m there, i want to be home. when i’m home, all i can think about is getting back. i wanted a chess tournament, and for my sins, they gave me one. actually, now i have two i’ll be going to.
i should probably start getting ready for chicago now.
