the light has dimmed
chess was a burning flame in my soul, an all encompassing passion, a torrid love affair, a reckless addiction, a compelling need.
lately though, the bright sun that is chess has seem to gone supernova, burned out to a black hole. yeah, it’s interesting, yeah i blitz on ICC, but my interest has emulated the stock market, and gone down considerably. there was a brief upswing, the dead cat did indeed bounce, but it remained dead, and landed with a dull thud.
perhaps it is because i am working “part time” meaning six nights a week, midnight to 0800 am, and i dont sleep during the day, so i am tired and dazed and grumpy. perhaps i just realized i will never really get good at chess, my attention span is shorter than keanu reeves’ singing career, and quite frankly, i’m not that smart.
maybe i just, deep down inside, know its just a game, and i see people take it so seriously, like online rating is a direct reflection of themselves, it kind of puts me off.
maybe i’ve just OD’d on blitz.
either way, spring is here, i wanna ride my bike, i wanna sleep for more than 3 hours in a 24 hour period, i’m going to japan next month. chess is taking a back seat.
i have the greatest respect and i’m humbled by those of you who have kept the fire and passion alive for so long, who continue to be teased by the secrets chess has to offer, who follow it down the rabbit hole to see just how far it goes, knowing you will never ever ever find the end. that is what makes you so damn good, and i salute you.
part of me is sad, its like losing my religion. but for now, i’m gonna go do other stuff.
Nate said,
March 17, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Everything in moderation dude. Come back to it when you want to, if you want to. Japan sounds fun.
Antonio Mendoza said,
March 17, 2009 at 6:13 pm
If you need a new obsession, try this:
http://www.johnrausch.com/SlidingBlockPuzzles/escape.htm
I have the solution, for anybody dying to know.
Polly said,
March 17, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Japan sounds totally awesome. You can always do another one of series of travel pieces. We loved your journey to Mexico, and points south. I’m sure we’ll love CL does Asia!
It’s okay to suck at chess, really. Just keep remembering the cool times you had at various tournaments you went to, and all the cool people you met along the way. Riding your bike is a good thing. I need to do the same thing!
CMoB said,
March 17, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Hmmm… Since you’re going to Japan, why don’t you try your hand at Go or Shogi. It has some chess infuences but it is easier to master from what i’ve read and heard. And they are supposed to be very cool alternatives to chess.
CMoB said,
March 17, 2009 at 11:47 pm
And then you could rename this blog in “hardcore goshogiagraphy” or something like that
And once you’ve mastered either one of those games up to a certain point you can walk up to people and intimidate them by saying “Who’s the master?” And when they don’t know the answer, you say “Sho’nuff!”
CMoB said,
March 17, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Make sure to click the link and have a good laugh
n8ux said,
March 18, 2009 at 5:52 am
I’m telling you the truth, we ALL go through this funk, it’s inevitable. Wow, did I ever see a few of these come my way. And no, I’m not a great player. But I’m a player. I’ll fire up Fritz a few times a week, and auger-in on a few online games in the main hall. I got pissed off at the way the USCF was acting, and just took on a general grumpy feeling toward chess for a while. And oh yes, there is a life beyond chess that has to be experienced. But it all comes back around. Such are the things in life we love to do. We get pissed, discouraged, whatever – then we pick it up again later.
Hope you keep providing enlightenment here on these pages. Doesn’t have to be Chess, you know. It all relates, however…Rich
Pawned!
n8ux said,
March 18, 2009 at 5:53 am
And oh yeah – 5 hours sleep for me is a stellar night…Rich
balustrade said,
March 18, 2009 at 7:22 am
Go is not easier to master – it’s easier to learn, however. As for chess, stop playing blitz online, it isn’t real chess, it’s like comparing the songs on Top40 radio to actual music.
Find a chess club near you, and play real games with actual people, that don’t involve seeing how fast you can punch a clock. Even if you lose, you will have at least had a better experience (if you focus and pay attention).
Or don’t. But don’t think ICC blitz is somehow representative of the deep beauty of chess, and turn away because you got burned out on empty calories.
chess? said,
March 18, 2009 at 7:57 am
i agree with balustrade. i get all
(:/& up with blitz. once i get back on track with otb or slow online i enjoy the game again. keep posting on japan and most of all enjoy life.
John aka Endgame Clothing said,
March 18, 2009 at 10:29 am
I think we all go through this period of coming to terms with what chess is going to mean to our lives. We might all start out wanting to be grandmasters, but after a few years, we have a better understanding of what it would take to actually be a grandmaster and most of us are not willing, or even able, to pay that price. So we might get a little depressed for a while, but eventually we see the bigger picture and just learn to enjoy what we have found.
And chess is like a crazy stalker. You think you have left her behind and moved on with your life but then one day, BAM! There she is again and damn does she look good.
We don’t choose what we love, it chooses us.
John.
chessed said,
March 18, 2009 at 4:49 pm
It takes quite some time for the body to adjust to working nights. My wife had fits with that when she worked nights. It may take months, and if you sleep nights on your days off it just takes longer.
I’ve felt that I’ve quit chess a few times in my life, and then something would pop up (like discovering icc once or chess servers once…) and I’d end up back in it as deep as ever. So I have to agree with John’s comment.
Keep posting on whatever you want, we’re interested.
BudMan said,
March 19, 2009 at 11:36 am
Antonio, this thing is driving me nuts! I can get the solution in 28 steps but can’t figure where I can save a step. Can it really be done in 27??
blunderprone said,
March 19, 2009 at 12:23 pm
No, secretly, Chessloser is following the geopgraphic path of the Late Robert Fisher. After getting his passport revoked and arrested in Japan, he’ll seek assylum in Iceland.
That would be hardcore.
tatu said,
March 19, 2009 at 12:38 pm
And he still has that laughable, er, I mean awesome tattoo!
Knights DLM for the win!!!
LOL
es_trick said,
March 20, 2009 at 1:21 pm
I taugh English in east Asia for 15 years. For some it’s a blast. For others the culture is just too weird for them, and they freak out after several months.
Good luck.
Robert said,
March 22, 2009 at 7:14 pm
cl, you yourself have written several times on what a demanding bitch Caissa is…like all the great romances it is a stormy relationship. I have gone through a number of ups and downs over the years with the passion. It will always be there. Absence brings back the hunger, usually. I know you, you’ll have a blast biking and stuff and later Chess will seem fresh and new and cool.
If not, life’s just a Big Game, anyway. Play hard.
R
Liquid Egg Product said,
March 26, 2009 at 6:59 pm
You’ll be back.
LD said,
March 27, 2009 at 9:00 am
I think your light is getting dim. All we’ve seen here lately is how you are running away or giving up chess, and now the “the light is dim”. If you want to give up chess, then do it.
Chessed said,
April 1, 2009 at 3:36 pm
It’s odd, but it seems as though as soon as you published this the weather in GJ turned horrible. Is that a hint for you?
[Yes, I know it will change back to normal sunny and warm days eventually, but I'm drawing a connection between you deciding to do something else and the weather.]
mike d said,
April 2, 2009 at 8:05 am
GJ weather sucks, you are not missing a thing.
mike d
BD Knight said,
April 3, 2009 at 1:22 pm
You call that part time? Dude are you a masochist
Get some sleep bro’.
Al said,
April 6, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Yup, if I play too much or look at too much chess stuff, I eventually get burned out. I just don’t want to play or think about it. In the back of my mind, I know I still like it but my brain is just telling me that it’s overstimulated in this direction. Then, I don’t even touch anything related to chess for a week. After that, I start again because I still love chess but in moderation (for me that means about an hour per day). This keeps me fresh and enjoying it the most… although I still have periods where I get sucked in too much and repeat the cycle.
For now, I want to try to improve a bit more for the National Open in June.
Al said,
April 6, 2009 at 11:10 pm
BTW: I don’t think enjoyment should be based on improvement. Improvement is nice, but I’ve enjoyed chess when I was 1000 and I still enjoy it now that I’m much stronger. It’s fun and beneficial (OTB games helped me understand my reaction to pressure, deal with fixation etc.) regardless of level of play.
Robin said,
April 8, 2009 at 7:26 am
yukai chesu
LinuxguyOnFICS said,
April 15, 2009 at 3:53 am
I know what it’s like to have had a job where I would be mentally/physically fried, then play a game of chess and lose because not mentally fresh, but it’s really just that, don’t let a chess rating get to your head when you know you are not 100% anyhow. The bright side is it means you are busy getting other things done besides chess.
I’ve had weird work hours and been fresh during normal ones, huge difference.
MrsChessLoser said,
May 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm
He is in the hospital with swine flu He is not expected to live the night.
YoyoMa said,
May 24, 2009 at 6:55 am
R.I.P.
YoMaMa said,
May 26, 2009 at 9:25 am
Eternal love of the flame broiler.
BD Knight said,
June 23, 2009 at 11:10 am
The World Open is calling you.
Ron said,
June 23, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Spring’s past. Summer’s here. Time for us to stop exercising and play chess again! I bet everyone at the World Open is missing the A-Team this year…
Eric Hart said,
July 6, 2009 at 6:03 pm
You can develop your attention span. If you don’t, it will be a problem for you in areas beyond chess.
alixinwunderland said,
July 10, 2009 at 6:53 pm
man…you sound so familiar…
chessloser said,
August 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm
alix – that’s cause i am. meow motherfuker.