i’m so bad, i cant even be shitty well
so here is my dilemma with the ICC. i suck and i get bored easily so i lose a lot cause as i’m waiting for the other guy to move i surf the internet, look back at the game, move, and surf the internet. the other guy is thinking, i’m just reacting. so i lose. a lot.
then occasionally i get interested and i win. i will beat a 1600 or an 1800 and lose to an 1100. my rating goes from the 900’s up to the 1300s at any given time. im now in theh low 1100s.
so far, in the last week, i’ve been accused of using a computer, because i beat a 1300 when i was 1000. some 1800 named ROSS, who i’ve played and lost to, said i am not an 1100 when i beat him. i dont know if it was a compliment, i dont think so. today i challenged some guy, he declined and said he doesn’t play sandbaggers.
so somehow, there is word going around that i am a sand bagger, a cheater, or whatever. if you play on ICC and you are reading this, let me state this clearly: I, chessloser, playing with the ICC handle of chainsmoke, am not a cheater, sandbagger, or whatever. i suck, and occasionally, i pull a good game out of my ass.
damn people, its a fucking game to pass the time, and your ICC rating doesn’t mean anything to anyone. get over it and lets play some chess.
i’m not blogging, i’m just kinda typing stuff
i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, i don’t mean to be blogging, but there is crap i wanna say, about chess, and no one would really understand it but the chess community, so i’m typing it here.
here is one small problem i have with ICC. it’s not really a problem, i just don’t understand the reasoning.
i play a 1400 in a 10 minute game. Ten minutes is a pretty decent amount of time to think, especially for your first few moves. he fucks up on move three, i pounce, he offers a draw, abort, draw, adjourn, abort, finally by move 12 when he is a bishop and knight down, he resigns. and i get a message saying “it was humptyfruntz’s 1st blitz game,” so i dont get any points, no rating adjustment for me. but if i lost i would lose points quicker than a porn star losing clothes in a movie.
why is this?
and this isnt’ the first time it’s happened. not like i give a fuck about “ratings” online (or in real life for that matter), but, if i beat someone, shouldn’t my shit go up a point or two? even if its their first blitz game?
i don’t get it, i dont understand the reasoning behind that.
it pisses me off, but its not enough to keep me from wasting many hours of every day playing blitz on ICC though.
Endgame cothing: you NEED these shirts
if you don’t know already, there is a new clothing company called
Endgame and they kick serious ass. They are the TAPOUT of chess, all attitude, swagger, and cool like the other side of the pillow.
when i first saw the shirts, i had a chess boner. they made me harder than final jeapordy. well, i got some in the mail last night, and holy crap i love them. i am seriously thinking of entering a major tournament, like vegas or reno, just to walk around and play wearing these shirts. and i swear they give you an extra 100 rating points just wearing them.
I emailed John, the guy who has worked to put these together, and he even told me of some kick ass plans he has for vegas. i dont want to say anything to steal his thunder, but if he pulls it off, it’s gonna be totally worth going to vegas just for it.
he might mention it on the blog at his site, so maybe you can read about it there.
anyway, these shirts are exactly what i was talking about when i said “chess is punk rock.” i love them as much as i love my “what would morphy do?” shirt i got from Blunderprone, which, if you haven’t seen, is still available over at his site.
in other news, ive been spending about 5 hours a day sitting around, unwashed, playing blitz on ICC. that is all i do now, like a junkie. i sit there, having to pee, but instead of walking the 4 feet to the bathroom, i click on another game and play. seriously, i have a problem.
i might maybe play in a tournament this year, i don’t know. i miss it. if i do, i will mention it here and write up a tournament report.
and i will be wearing my Endgame shirts the whole time.
i aint dead
i aint dead, and mrs chessloser didnt post that comment. and she is upset and asked me to mention that fact.
im still studying chess, i still suck, thanks for all the love and support, im not gonna blog anymore though, sorry.
oh, happy new year everyone.
i’m laying down the king
i had a goal of becomming a chess master, getting to a rating of 2000. didn´t happen, not even close.
i had a goal of writing a cool chess blog. it happened, i’ve made super awesome freinds, played in a few tournaments, met some fantastic, interesting, wonderful, great people, and had a kick ass time the whole way.
this is no longer a chess blog, not a real one, and so i think it´s time to resign.
A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read my blog, commented or not, been along from the beginning, just started reading at the end. Thanks for all the advice, support, comeraderie, everything, I cannot explain in human words how much I appreciate it all.
I’m not studying as much as i was (but i’m still studying, i love chess, i cant not play it or look at it) and i’m not playing at all. I might end up getting a job here in antigua (the life changing event) which would mean i would live here. if i dont, i might get a job on a boat out of Rio Dulce, i might continue on to honduras and further south as originally planned.
either way, I wont be writing about chess anymore, so it makes no sense to keep a chess blog. This is the last post.
I want to again thank everyone and i wish everyone well.
and a big CHESS: FUCK YEAH to devin carlin. rock on daddy-o.
Take care
chess it up!
antigua, guatemala
a colonial town, built by the germans, orderly, clean, you dont notice you are in guatemala at all. touristy, but not to a horrible extent. filled with expats, but not to a horrible extent. i was bored after three days, wanted to make my way to honduras, i’m still here 5 days later. i will be here for another week, 7 more days, when my life may change forever or not.
hasnt been too much chess happening, i apologize to samurai pawn and others for that. funny how, wherever you go, there are the ubiquitous chess sets in the artisan markets, carved out of wood, jade, stone, in various shapes and sizes, but no one actually plays the damn game.
i walked into a bookstore owned by an expat from tenesee who has lived here for about 3 years or so. there was a chessboard set up, apparently people gather in the store to play. i asked him about it, he said there is no set time, people just kind of come by. i havent seen anyone play just yet, i’ll check again. there might actually be some kind of underground secret guerilla chess club right here in the oasis in the jungle.
i walked up a volcano, active, with the lava flowing and everything. if i had my pawn i would have gotten a picture.
antigua, guatemala. not a bad place to visit.
life in a small town
“where would you like to go?”
“roxruja please”
“you want to go to roxruja? really? how about coban or semac or somewhere else?”
“no, roxruja please”
“why?”
“i dont know. there isnt anything there.”
“yeah, there´s nothing there. ok”
and this is how i ended up in the town of roxruja. the “town” is a dirt road lined with shacks and trash. there is the farmacy shack, the stationary shack, the grocery markey shack, lots of little restaurant shacks (people´s houses with a huge patio and a few plascit tables), the internet shack. i couldnt find the bar shack.
i walked up the road for a bit, past lots of little fires buring along the side of the road. trash disposal. they only burn things like sticks, paper, plastic bottles, and such, then i turned around and walked back. the mountains in the distance were beautiful, it was a full moon, some people greeted me as i walked.
i got three tasty tacos, good sized, for about US $1.50. afterward, i couldnt find the bar shack, so i bought two beers from the kwiki-mart shack and went back to the hotel, sat outside my room and drank, looking at the moon.
there were no tourists. no one spoke english. there was nothing there. people sat around or stood around, talking. this was real, actual guatemala. it was a town that you see on those late night commercials asking you for money to help the poor kids. but the poor kids were running around laughing and playing, and there was a good amount of food in the market. and those tacos were freakin awesome.
entering guatemala is easier than playing the closed sicilian
left mexico today at 0500 o clock in the fucking mornig on a collectivo, communal minivan. all i knew was i had to get to frontera corozal. got there, they took me right to the boat dock where i got my boat ticket, then i went to immagration. i couoldnt find my fucking tourist card from when i entered mexico, so i had to pay another 25 bucks to leave, i didnt have small bills, the guy let me go with paying only 20. got on the boat, halfway up the river i found my tourist card, DAMMIT!!! got off the boat, i was in guatemala. a guy was there, asked if i was going to flores, which of course i was. i asked about changing money, he said “that guy right there” and there was a dude standing there with a calculator and wad of cash. i changed money, bought my bus ticket, waited for a bunch of other touristas, the bus took us to guatemalan immagration, i got charged the illegal $5 entry fee, i didnt feel like fighting it, fuck it, its only cash, (he says cavalierly, as he quickly runs out of it), bus took us to Flores. I was gonna stay at a hostel for US$ 3.50 a night, it was booked solid, so me and this german girl who i met on the bus to flores and didnt speak to at all went looking for a hotel. we found one but the room was expensive, i asked if she wanted to share it, she agreed, so i´m paying about US$10 for a room with a kick ass shower and a view of the lake which is spectacular. go figure.
As i was leaving the cheap hostel, i saw a japanese girl i met in zacatecas and again in guadalajara. i asked her how long she was gonna be in town, she said she was leaving tommorrow, so i went back in and reserved her bed for tomorrow night. sweet.
tomorrow i go to the huge ass ruins in Tikal, the capital of the mayan empire, and then back to the cheap hostel, and then i dont know.
crossing the border was easy, efficient, semi anticlimactic. the boatride up the river was nice, but really, it was a lot less of an adventure than i expected. travvelling is easy as fuck.
chessin it up in Palenque, Mexico
The town of Palenque, mexico exists for two main reasons that i see. it has a bunch of mayan ruins closeby, as well as some waterfalls, a beach, and other mayan ruins, all within a days round trip drive, so its got the tourism. there are about 20 travel agencies on the main street.
the other reason is for people to get to guatemala. that is why i am here.
every night, there is a band playing in the town square. the weather is absoulutely perfect, cool and comfortable at night. people hang out in the square all day, and gather at night to sit, dance, walk around in circles, eat corn on a stick or icecream, and just “be.” they arent home watching reality tv or the latest dramedy, they arent sitting alone in thier room, drinking themselves into a stupor playing online chess and looking at porn (that´s just me), no, they are outside, doing nothing, and really enjoying it. you could sit on a bench in the park all damn day, never move, and no one would think you were wierd.
apparently, sunday is drunk-guy-on-thestreet day. i actually saw a cartoonish group of guys, one fat sweaty mexican holding an almost empty bottle of tequila, being supported by another fat sweaty mexican with a stained t-shirt, and their barefoot buddy sleeping on the sidewalk, head on the curb, passed the fuck out. i passed a few more drunken guys today as well. its sunday.
yesterday, hanging out in the park, i saw a group of 4 young kids with chess sets playing, i mean the kind you see set up in tournaments. so i walked up and watched, and they invited me to play. they were not good, but they were having fun. i beat them all, but i´m not bragging, i´m just setting the scene. they laughed and had a great time, and talked about the moves, and my last game they tried to help thier freind. they were super cool young men, it was nice to see them playing and having fun.
so today i brought my little chess set and book to the park, set up to go over games, and some young kids came up and started talking to me. they didnt know chess, but they were interested and asked me about stuff. sadly no one could play a game, but it was nice anyway, and tonight, after i post this, i will go back to the park with my chess set and hang out, listen to music, and go over some games.
i´ve been going over dutch defense games (not games played by edwin, but games with the opening).
i was gonna go to guatemala today, but at the last second i decided to take a tour of some major mayan ruins, which you arrange the day before. i paid about 50 bucks, and the bus was gonna pick me up at 6 am. it didnt come, and i was pissed. when the agency opened up, i went in ready to do battle and lose, afterall i´m jsut a dumb gringo who will be leaving soon. the guy i paid wasnt there, i spoke to another guy who explained the guy i paid wasnt there, and he wont be back for a few days. i showed him my recipet and explained i had a tour but the bus didnt come, and he said some stuff i didnt understand. i asked about my money, he said more stuff i didnt understand, then he asked if i wanted my money now. i said yes and he gave me my money no problems. i thougth the worst would happen, but it seemed that there wasnt enough people for a tour or something, and they were super cool about it, and it restored my faith in mexico.
really, mexico is clean, freindly, easy, nice, and a great country. i really really really like it here. and now i´m leaving.
so tomorrow i get on a 5 am collectivo, a group van, to the border, where i have to find the river, where i have to find a boat to take me to another collectivo, which takes me to a chicken truck, which takes me to a town in guatemala. i could pay a travel agency to take me all the way there, handle customs and everything, but why would i want to do anything the easy way?
i swear i hate myself and just want to keep punishing myself, and i dont know why.
so tomorrow i´m off to guatemala. if i make it alive, and if i can get to the internet, i will post about the trip across the border.
i am gonna whip out my chess set every chance i get in guatemala.
for a brief moment there, i was cool
i´ts my last night in Tuxtla, a good sized town with a hip vibe and freindly folks. I was there only two days, but there were at least three store vendors who knew me by sight and would wave when i walked by. i was all local and shit.
so i went to the park, and there were some young guys standing around in front of a store playing chess. i walked up, hands behind my back, and watched the game. they said hello, asked if i liked chess, and if i wanted to play a game. I said i liked chess, was not good, and would love to play, just one game. then i showed them my chess tattoo. they liked it.
the board was one of those ornate marble boards where the pieces all look kind of the same. that is partly my excuse, the other part is, well, i suck. so i am white, i am playing against the one guy´s brother.
i open with 1d4, queen pawn, the guy answeres quite nicely, seems to know what he is doing. i get my queens rook to c1, cause that is what they do in the book i am studying. i then proceed to fuck up and inadvertantly sac my knight. its not a sac, its just giving it to him, when my knight took c7 with check, but he had blocked the bishop that was covering the knight with a pawn, so he got a free horse. great, i look like a fucking tool, which i am anyway, but they didn´t need to know that. a few moves later, he trades some pieces in the center and i end up with my queen and bishop forked by a pawn. i honestly forgot it was my bishop, i thought it was a pawn. no worries, if he took my bishop i would take his kings rook (he fianchettoed both bishops). i advance the c pawn, he takes it with his knight, i move my bishop to f6 and its all set up for mate, i win in two more moves.
i thank them profusely and disappear into the night like a ninja assassin.
so here is what they saw: some gringo with a bad ass chess tattoo walks up, says he is no good and will play one game.
he fucks up, giving his knight away. but his queen took the knight, which means his queen was on c7, with my rook on c1. when he forked my queen and bishop, again he couldn´t take the bishop or his loses his rook, and my queen when to a nice square. i advanced my c pawn, he takes with his knight, and the knight is pinned, or he loses a queen, so the knight is out of the game. it looks like i knew what i was doing all along, no one would be stupid enough to just give up a knight (except me).
the gringo wins quickly, confidently, and walks away. they were super freindly, super nice guys, i think they thought i was hustling them, even though it was for fun, no money. if i stayed another night, i would have hung out wiht them, they were that cool and freindly. it made my night.
so today i took a painfully slow and shitty busride to Palenque, near the border. I´m sleeping on a roof of a hotel for about 4.75 a night, its awesome. i´ll see some mayan ruins tomorrow, and set up my border crossing into guatemala. it will include a bus, a canoe ride up the river, maybe some walking, and another bus. i´m in the jungle now, i dont have malaria pills, i havent spoken english in three days.
i stay in palenque city, then i will go to mayabell, cause D! said to.
yeah, i´m having a great time.
internet is slow and shitty and will get worse in guatemala, according to travelers ive met. i will update when i can.
still alive
I`ve entered the jungle, i don´t have any malaria pills, i´ve seen some mosquitoes, it should all be pretty exciting, especially by the time i make it to panama.
i haven´t spoken enlish in two days. i met up with a young french couple on the ghetto bus from Oaxaca to Tuxtla, when the bus broke down at 3 in the morning on some mountain road. We went outside and smoked and admired the clear sky and plentiful stars. They didnt´speak english, only spanish, and i don´t speak french, so, spanish it was.
at the hostel in oaxaca, people asked about my tattoo, i told them i play chess, they asked if i had a board and i ended up taking on a bunch of folks. One of them kind of half assed knew what he was doing, but they didn´t really know chess. i guess compared to average everyday folks, i´m good. they all thought i was some kind of bad ass chess beast. i told them i suck, but they thought i had to be good because i have a tattoo. go figure.
speaking of, lots of the old mexican women look and ask about my tattoo, it resembles the aztec or mayan (i forget) god of death. I tell them its a chess tattoo, they smile and nod their head.
the fresh produce in mexico constantly amazes me. when you walk down the street, you can smell the fruit and vegatables, its wonderful. the best place to eat is the bus stations, small stalls, great food, super cheap, exciting, bus fumes, it´s an event. its like new york city used to be before it got all cleaned up.
I´m heading to palenque, with all the mayan ruins, then onto guatemala. internet cafes are sparse and slow. i haven´t been studing chess at all, been on the hostel highway, but i´m back to travelling solo, at least for now, so i should get some decent study in.
its hot and i don´t want to leave the cool of the internet cafe, but i will man up and go to my tiny hot room, bust out some queen pawn games, and see what i should do with my queen´s bishop.
chesslosin in mexico!
walking around the streets of Puebla, Mexico, we found a bar with two guys playing chess. actual chess, with a clock, no fucking around. we went in, ordered beers, and played some chess. we were blitzing, 5 minute games, it was fucking awesome. i lost every game, the last game i was winning, but lost on time. but i think the guy was taking it easy on me and being nice, he left a bishop en prise.
so, if you are ever in puebla, mexico, go to La Fuge de Don Poinrio, address is Palafox y Mendozza, 414, down the street from the Zocalo (town center with the big huge cathedral)
Angel is the main bar guy and chess master. seroiusly, he kicks ass, both 1e4 and 1 d4.
beer and chess and cool music to boot, you can´t beat that. sadly i am leaving for oaxaca tommorrow, or i would be at that bar. if i lived here, i would be there every damn night, i might just learn something.
it´s worth a trip to mexico. best night so far.
chessin it up in mexico, finally
so i´m in Puebla, Mexico, a beautiful city. Huge colonial buildings, all with big courtyards and a fountain in the middle, are now hotels, hostels, restaurants, stores. i´m walking around, moving through the city like a wraith, invisible, the wind, and i spy a billiards/dominos/ajedrez hall on a second floor. I don´t know much, but i know ajedrez is chess in spanish, so i go on up. i roll down my sleeves to cover my chess tattoo, lest people think i´m good, which i´m not.
upstairs there are people playing pool, and a few tables with some hardcore dominoes going down. dammit, no chess. back to walking the streets, sitting on benches, watching the world go by.
i get back to the hostel, i meet one of my dormitory mates, an israeli guy. he sees the tattoo on my arm, says “chess?” and i say yes, i play. he says he plays as well, i ask if he wants to play, tell him i have a small set, he says he has one too and would love to play, he hasn´t met anyone who plays since he´s been here, for a month or two. we play a quick game, he misses a discoverd check, i get his queen, i win. YEAH!
we go out to dinner, see a free concert in a cathedral, go out for coffee, then back at the room we play two more games. i win one, i lose the other in an endgame. he asked if i wanted to play some more, but it was late and i was tired, but today we will be hanging out, going to a pyramid, and we shall play many more games of chess.
i leave tomorrow, so i am gonna play as much as possible with him. he was pissed that its his last few days in mexico and only now he met someone who plays chess. so i lucked out.
and i can apparently still play a decent game of chess. i was imagining what capablanca would do, and i think it worked.
quick update
mexico kicks ass, it really does. food is great, people are super freindly and cool, there are some amaing towns with amazing architecture. im heading for oaxaca, always wanted to go, i should be there for the day of the dead festival. then on to guatemala.
been looking at capablanca games, its starting to make sense. im getting a feel for when to move what piece. only thing is i have no one to play against, cant play online, so i cant test out some of my thoughts. oh well, ill keep at it, i hope i can re-emerge on the chess scene better than when i left.
my encounter with a mexican gang
so i´m sitting at a table in zacatecas, mexico, a town that would be perfect for espionage, with all its nooks and crannies. plenty of places for clandestne dealings.
It doesn´t look like mexico, it looks like southern spain. sadly there is even a starbucks. it´s a beautiful town really, but it´s like one big huge mall. still, kinda neat.
so I´m enjoying a cigarette, overlooking the street, when a group of young mexicans enter the joint. they look tough, probably some narco terrorists or something, i´m sure at least two of them have done time in prison, they are obvoiusly a gang. i tense up a bit, but i try to show no fear, they can sense that, and they look like they would pounce. they are a bit rowdy, i am expecting some trouble. i avoid eye contact, i just want to finish my cigarette and get the hell out of there.
one of them leans over and asks where i´m from. dammit, something is going to happen, i can feel it. i tell them i´m american, from colorado, smile weakly and go back to looking at the street, smoking as fast as i can. i think to myself “ok, i only have a few bucks in my wallet, i won´t lose much, they can have my watch and my wallet, as long as i can keep my passport, i´ll just give them what they want and go.
i´m trying to be calm, play it off like no big deal, but they are some scary mean looking young mexican thugs.
The leader of the group, a slightly chunky young tough guy with elvis sideburns introduces himself as Hugo, and introduces the rest of his gang. turns out they are pyhsics students in town for some kind of national physics conference. a rowdy bunch of pysicists. one of them, Juan, is having a birthday the next day. They are way super cool, they offer me beer, we talk, drink, laugh, party, smoke, they teach me some spanish, they are super freaking intelligent (duh! physics majors) and we have a great time.
so i narrowly escaped death, and i feel lucky. those mexican physicists are a wild bunch, and could kick any MIT student´s ass, easy.
